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Birthday Delusions
It is my darling husband’s birthday today. He is now 32 years old and in the prime of his life. As I like to remind him, it’s all down hill from here. (I’m supportive like that.) Today is the day where I should write loving words about the man I married, and thank his mother for getting busy oh so long ago.
But I did that last year. Go read it if you need a refresher on redneck romance.
This year, I’ve decided to cut the crap, eliminate the mush and get straight to the point.
Happy Birthday Boo. I love you.
Since Boo is out of town, I’m not really busting a gut worrying about what to buy him for his birthday or whether my bush has been trimmed or the legs stripped of the small forest that likes to grow down there. All I really have to do is remember to phone him, sound sexy and talk dirty to him and I should have it made.
Got to love a birthday that easy.
So, first thing this morning, before even my morning java, (when my voice is at it’s throatiest) I dialed up the hubby’s number. And asked him what he wanted for his birthday.
His response? For me to drive down there and um, service him. After, of course, providing him with the birthday blow job.
Once I regained my breath from laughing at him, I told him it wasn’t going to happen. I have appointments today (re: getting freshly inked), shopping to do (re: I need batteries for my battery operated buddy) and soccer starts tonight for Fric (re: discover if her coach is hot or not and/or a total flake.)
It simply wasn’t going to happen. But I did offer to courier down a brand new bottle of lotion and a girly magazine. Just for his birthday.
My husband’s response?
Not to bother. Once I win the Hottest Mommy Blogger contest, he will have my naked finery to oogle whenever he commands.
Keep dreaming, boyo.
Birthday wish or not, I’m not winning that particular contest. Check out the numbers as you stroke your birthday sausage. I’m killing you. It’s going to take a whole lot more than you determined to see my naked arse out on the net. You’d need to muster up an army of computer geeks, tech junkies and bloggers.
But I love how you have such an imagination. While you’re at it, why don’t you imagine me and the Hot Asian Chick having a wrestling match in a pit of jello over your man meat.
It’s my gift to you.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:21 am
You rock, T.
Totally!
GF (I remember being 32… that was a loooong time ago)
April 17th, 2007 at 8:34 am
Happy Birthday Boo! T…good luck with your tattoo today…want to see pictures of what you chose. Make sure to stock up on your batteries!
April 17th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Birthday wishes to your dear Boo. Too bad you two have to be separated at this time but I know you will have a big surprise for him when he comes home.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:41 am
Your links for previous posts are not working.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:47 am
I love you. It’s like you say all the things I’d love to be able to say to Daddymatic. Except he’s almost never out of town, LOL.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Happy B-day, Boo!
You’re nominated for Best Humor Blog, too - just noticing you don’t have that badge up there.
And yes, please, pics of the new tat!
April 17th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Happy Birthday to Boo!!!
As a fellow aries (my birthday as the 14th), this explains so much.
And that cartoon . . . must.forward.to.husband at work.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:55 am
That fantasy would your gift that keeps on giving, I imagine.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:03 am
That cartoon is funny as all hell. As are you.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:04 am
So you are skipping seeing him to do something he hates, service your vibrator, and check out other guys.
ROFL..Are you in the running for wife of the year yet?
Happy birthday Boo!
April 17th, 2007 at 9:04 am
Happy birthday, Boo. Don’t fret, I’m sure you’ll get that, um, servicing soon.
Now I’m going back to bed, but I had to come out of my coma to wish your man a happy b-day and inquire about that new tat. It’s a picture of me, isn’t it?
April 17th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Happy Birthday, Boo.
That comic totally made me snort.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Happy birthday Boo!
I hope you have a great birthday…
What kinna ink you gettin’ today??? Pictures to come right?
April 17th, 2007 at 10:26 am
see? now thats the type of talk MY man likes.
happy birthday to YOUR man. he asked for the same ‘pressies’ that my man asks for.
(ps…me big loser, me no vote cause me have this ‘thing’, i vote for no one. scuse me while I slink away.)
but what about the ink? much of my artwork is tattoo inspired….
April 17th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Happy Birthday, Boo.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Happy Birthday, dear Boo-oo. Boy are you lucky you can’t hear me singing! Sorry you are not getting your birthday “delusion.” Be sure and ask for a raincheck!
April 17th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Birthday wishes to Boo! I can totally understand why he wants to see your “gifts” online…cause he is so far away and needs you! Poor guy……
Love the cartoon!
April 17th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Happy birthday Boo. And my present to you is a big fat vote for your wonderful wife as Hottest Mommy Blogger!!
April 17th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
I love coming here to get my laugh for the day. Today it’s one of my only laughs, which makes it that much better.
Thank you.
And Happy B-day, Boo.
April 17th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Happy birthday, Boo! I hope the Asian chick serves up some fish chow mein!
April 17th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Happy Birthday Boo!!!
That cartoon was hilarious. And um… so where exactly is this new tat? Huh?
April 17th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Y’know I’m kind of pissed. I registered yesterday for an account and I’ve yet to receive my account activation thingy. I’m gettin’ pissy. Just letting you know.
April 17th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Sassy and funny– my kind of blog!
April 18th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Happy Birthday Boo!
My boytoy turns 30 on Monday!
April 18th, 2007 at 8:05 am
Crap you’re funny. Happy birthday Boo.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I am expecting an email with pictures of said inking pronto, mmmkay, T?
And I’m curious…I thought “servicing” *was* a blow job! Pshaw now I’m confused.
April 19th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Happy belated birthday Boo!!
I’m slow. Atleast I’m still checkin’ in RM…lol
April 19th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Bah-ha!!!!! Birthday blow job. As if. Where’s my diamond earrings and we’ll talk.
Hottest Mommy Blogger, eh? Will there be a calendar? Girls of the Blogosphere?
April 20th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Alright, where you at?
April 20th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I think I sent that cartoon to my mother in law at one time…and now I can’t think of a single way it might have been applicable or appropriate.
Happy birthday, Boo!
April 20th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
I may have to reference this next January when DH has another “birthday bedtime” wish.
April 21st, 2007 at 6:19 am
Okay, I just went back and read last year’s post. It was too, too sweet. I love that you guys have known each other forever and were high sweethearts. And I have a similar backseat story with my dh. Ahhh, young love. And it just gets better.