Woe is Me

I’m off to a slow start this morning. Usually, I rise at the crack of dawn, feed the needy monsters society refers to as my children, then plant my arse in front of the computer to compose the literary genius you have all become accustomed to reading.

(Quiet in the peanut gallery. It’s hard to type when I’m being drown out by sniggering.)

However, last night wore me out. My son’s team got the stuffing knocked out of them again. It was painful. It hurt to watch. I just wanted to run in there, shove some youngsters aside and kick the damn ball myself. There is nothing worse than doing the parental walk of shame past the opposing parents while trying to explain to your son that it is not important if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.

(Bah humbug. I’ll take a victory over this shit any day.)

Too make matters worse, my darling children would not stop fighting. They were at each other’s throats the moment they stepped off the school bus till the moment they finally fell asleep. Even being separated and threatened to be hung by their toes upside down so Nixon, the World’s Greatest Dog, Ever. could have his way with them was not enough to quiet the masses.


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They were still arguing and making jabs at each other through their bedroom walls when I tucked them in at night. I was tempted to duct tape some mouths shut, but I don’t think that is a government sanctioned course of action for controlling smart mouths with poor attitudes.Generally, Fric and Frac are the best of friends; inseparable like a pair of Siamese twins. But puberty has taken it’s toll on them. Victims of raging hormones, I stand back (read: watch while cowering in my corner, hoping not to make direct eye contact with either of them for fear of provoking the beasts) and try to play peace maker from afar.

I remember the days of not getting along with my big brother, Stretch. I lived in fear of being thrown through the drywall for provoking him with my smart mouth. (I was kind of a stupid sassy chick, the kind who never knew when to stand down or shut up.)

But I honestly thought I had this sibling gig beat. Fric and Frac are so very different from Stretch and myself, that I never really worried about buying any spackle. I’m starting to wonder now, though.

Stretch always tells me I am the foolhardy naive one in the family, ready to believe almost anything.

Surely that doesn’t apply to my own children. They won’t fight like cats and dogs forever, right? It’s just a phase. It’ll get easier from here, right? When they are 14 and 15 they will be braiding each other’s hair (Frac is trying to grow his long) and dating each other’s friends with their  respective blessings. They may even wear matching shirts. Right?

Your silence is deafening. And you there, in the back. I don’t need to hear about the sale on drywall compound at the local hardware store.

Smart asses.

31 Comments

  1. Posted May 9, 2007 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    dude. it’s why i’ve only got one. my brother and i fought mercilessly.

    but then sometimes well, the fighting might be a lovely sound.

  2. Posted May 9, 2007 at 11:41 am | Permalink

    I gave my brother a black eye when I was two. Wrong on so many levels, yet so right….

  3. Posted May 9, 2007 at 11:55 am | Permalink

    You?

    Sassy?

    I can’t believe it.

  4. Posted May 9, 2007 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    My sisters and I had the occasional fight but good lord we never fought like my stepdaughters. Lets see besides the fact that they actually wrestle with one another TomGirl, my 14 year old, has these wonderful names for her sister like “the stinkinator” and “mustachio”. Just crazy mean stuff and I know it wasn’t this way before puberty!

    Yep, sista, you got lots to look forward too!

  5. Posted May 9, 2007 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    My brother and I fought incessantly when we were younger, now we’re closer then ever! It can happen!

  6. Posted May 9, 2007 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

    “I was kind of a stupid sassy chick, the kind who never knew when to stand down or shut up.”

    You??? Nooooooooooooo. I don’t believe it for a minute.

  7. Posted May 9, 2007 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    Seriously, me and my big sister are absolutely astounded when either of my parents reminds us that we used to fight. We don’t remember at all, having glossed over years of provocation and sibling uh, rivalry (resulting in having shared a very small room for 10 years), with only memories of sisterly love.

    Fric and Frac will be okay; however, you might not come out unscathed.

  8. Posted May 9, 2007 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    This is scaring me a little. But, then again, we have about 17 tubs of drywall compound hanging around the house.

  9. Posted May 9, 2007 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    so sorry to hear about the kids fighting…ok you in the back. What hardware store has that sale on joint compound??

  10. Posted May 9, 2007 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    I held my sisters head by her ears and banged it against the side of the oven when she was 7 and I was 13, she deserved it and I’d do it again if ahe wasnt taller than me now and I cant reach her ears…!

  11. Posted May 9, 2007 at 1:30 pm | Permalink

    Can’t you parents start necking in fornt of them and gross them into a stoney silence? Did I really just say “necked” WTF?

  12. Patty House
    Posted May 9, 2007 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

    It must have been in the air yesterday. My 2 were acting the same way and they are only 4 and 7.

    I wouldn’t know if it ceases later. My siblings were all WAY older than me. I had the house to myself by the time I was 11.

  13. Posted May 9, 2007 at 1:50 pm | Permalink

    My sister and I fought like wet tomcats stuck inside a burlap bag. It didn’t stop until I went off to college. We get along now, but it took a long time before that happened.

    Stock up on ibuprofen. And joint compound.

  14. Posted May 9, 2007 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Ah puberty. I remember it well. My former best friend (ie my broher) turned into a sullen boor. And when I hit puberty, it smacked me right back. Good times.

    We “hated” each other. There was the time when my brother threw a paintbrush at my (absconding) back. I had the angry red outline of a paintbrush on my back for about a week.

    Consider it reality tv. Watch it and don’t get involved. It’ll sort itself out. Sure it will.

  15. Posted May 9, 2007 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    My sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs. We only became close in our late 20’s.

    Having said that, I’m sure since Fric and Frac have you as their mother, they will not drift apart for too long. They’ll probably remain very close despite the occasional bickering.

    Check out Crystal on http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/
    for some awesome parenting tips.
    She’s right up your alley, if you don’t already know about her.

    I’m totally taking notes.

  16. Posted May 9, 2007 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

    The fighting does stop, when one of them moves out. How old are they again? Shouldn’t be long.

    Puberty just knocks the shit out of their brains, or into their brains really. It’s a cruel, cruel trick of nature.

    Maybe you should buy some drywall compound:)

  17. Posted May 9, 2007 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    I’ll be joining you at the hardware store when they have a sale on spackle and drywall.

    I’m thinking boxing gloves.

  18. Posted May 9, 2007 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

    ouch.

    my almost ten year old is at turns ahideous beast, then all of a sudden sweet as can be. I think some sibling fighting is totally normal, and they will probably always do it. But judging from how you describe your parenting, they are going to learn about keeping on being great friends as well.

    have hope darling.

  19. Posted May 9, 2007 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    I’ve seen this happen to a great friend of mine who happens to be a single mom. Her daughter is so mouthy to her that I honestly want to spank the living poo out of her. My wife says it’s puberty and that she did the same thing to her mom at that age. I love my ma-in-law. Sorry hon but had I seen you do that to your mom I’d have spanked you too…and not in the good way.

  20. Posted May 9, 2007 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    My brother and I didn’t get along that well growing up. We were okay *some* of the time, though. I remember him throwing boxes and punches at me and he has the scars on his arms to prove that I fought back (and that I never trimmed my nails). We get along great now, though.

    My 16yods and 14yodd are best buds now and do everything you mentioned but the hair braiding thing. They weren’t so friendly when they were Fric and Frac’s ages, though. They’re setting a good example for the two behind them, and things are going slightly better there than they did for them at the same age.

  21. Posted May 9, 2007 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

    My two went through that phase and now they’re 14 and 15 years old and they get along at least 5 days out of the week maybe even 6. They hang out together and have some of the same friends. I’ve waited patiently for these days…they’ll come don’t worry.

  22. Posted May 9, 2007 at 8:13 pm | Permalink

    Spackle? Just do what my parents did and buy more, larger furniture. Then when you sell the house, don’t leave a forwarding address.

  23. Posted May 9, 2007 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    Though I have no kids for comparison, I have to believe this is just a phase. Puberty has a Jekyll & Hyde effect on most of us.

  24. Posted May 10, 2007 at 3:48 am | Permalink

    IF they ever get to the point of really going for it, but some boxing gloves.

    If that isn’t to your liking, find a place that will deliver bricks, and when they get out of hand make them move the brick pile… the whole pile, about twenty yards away, stacked very nicely.

    Nothing like a little manual labor.

  25. Posted May 10, 2007 at 4:59 am | Permalink

    There are three girls and one long-suffering boy in our family. We fought like… like… I can’t come up with a clever metaphor like Julia did, but suffice it to say we fought often and loudly. Now we’re all great friends and woe betide anyone (spouses, significant others, employers, etc) who tries to harm one of us. Keep a supply of mommy juice in the cupboard and repeat “this too shall pass” as often as necessary.

  26. Posted May 10, 2007 at 5:15 am | Permalink

    dude. this only child suddenly reconsiders trying to have another. :)

    i will say puberty still sucked without siblings, and i fought with my mother instead, so i figure you’re safer with the group.

    but perhaps you should buy yourself a helmet. let them pay for the spackle with their allowance.

  27. Posted May 10, 2007 at 5:27 am | Permalink

    Sorry, can’t help you. My sister and I were were perfect angels and we never, ever fought. I’m serious. Stop laughing, you sassy chick.

  28. Posted May 10, 2007 at 5:40 am | Permalink

    Mommy Juice… lots and lots of Mommy Juice… they will become human beings again in ohhh…. 9 or 10 years. Until that time, pull out the old baby books and pictures and kid yourself that they get along great.

    It helps if you sob a bit, the noise will drown out their yelling.

  29. Posted May 10, 2007 at 6:50 am | Permalink

    Dont worry about stopping the fights, just referee them. As long as you keep up the concern, they will work things out themselves.

  30. Posted May 11, 2007 at 5:01 am | Permalink

    Nothing here but sympathies. I was an only child, so I knew nothing of this sibling rivalry thing until recently. And I thought I was going to circumvent the whole thing by having a six year age difference between the girls, but no dice. There are days when the fact that Storm breathes is enough to violate Lorelei’s sense of peace. I just don’t know. We often pull over to the side of the road and refuse to move until they stop bickering. Lorelei, in particular, doesn’t understand the meaning of “It is time to STOP now. Not another word.”

  31. Posted June 18, 2007 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

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