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Pass the Puns, Please
It’s a fine day for some stinky cheese. Allow me to offer you some of my most malodorous cheese.
I’m off to be attacked by the giant size mosquitos who make my flesh their buffet and my yard their home, while I fry under the heat of the blazing sun and lounge around, doing absolutely NOTHING on such a beautiful day.
Enjoy le fromage and your day!
Not many people know it, but the Devil actually wears a wig. You’d never know if you weren’t told - it’s a perfect fit. Anyway, down in the world of fire and brimstone one guy did find out, and he decided to have a little practical joke. So one night, he sneaks past the guardian demons and manages to get all the way into Satan’s bed chamber, whereupon he steals the hair-piece and makes good his escape.
Well, of course the Devil was most displeased by this, and he rounds up his demons, and demands to know which of them had been so lazy as to let someone sneak past them. Naturally, none of them owns up, which makes him even madder: So he calls a general meeting of everyone the underworld: everyone has to attend.
The meeting is held in a huge cavern, and it’s absolutely packed (except for the odd gap in the crowd, where there’s a lava-pit or bottomless fissure in the floor). As Satan steps up to speak, everyone sees that he’s got no hair, and peals of laughter start echoing out around the hall.
The devil bellows at them to be quiet, and a deadly hush falls.
“Whoever stole it,” he shouts, “had better return it immediately!” And here he paused for effect…
“Or else there’ll be Hell Toupee!”
(Even I’m cringing at that one!)
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:20 am
Oh, I am such a sucker for awful jokes. Try this one on:
A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan. He is directed to the loan manager, Ms. Patty Black, who is more than a little askance to have a frog at her desk. He makes his pitch, and she asks what he can offer for collateral. The frog says, “I have this antique boat in a bottle. It’s been in my family for years.” Patty decides she needs to take this to her boss. She goes to her boss’ office and presents the situation to him, and he says, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”
Ugh. It hurts so good.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:21 am
the toupee hell. nice. and that patty black one is pretty funny too.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:33 am
groan. snort.
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:15 am
What’s the difference between an all-nude kickline and the Flying Wallendas?
The Flying Wallendas’ act features a cunning array of stunts.
Whoooooo have a nice weekend!
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:48 am
=snort=
June 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I’m thinking this joke could be more effective with a grammatical twist. What do you think of this slightly altered ending:
The devil bellows at them to be quiet, and a deadly hush falls.
“Whoever stole it,” he shouts, “had better return it immediately!” And here he paused for effect…
“Because someone out there has Hell Toupee!”
June 3rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Oh lordy, that was bad.
June 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
*shakes head* These always make me groan. But I love ‘em too.
June 3rd, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Now that was really cheesy.
June 3rd, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Ha! I get this one. No need for the email to explain it. I got it!! Funny. All the jokes in comments are funny too. Y’all so witty.
June 3rd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
I like the variation ala Binky.
June 4th, 2007 at 1:01 am
That was the worst cheese, yet, lol.
I always let off a juvenile giggle when I hear this joke:
What do the Battlestar Galactica and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
The circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
Seriously, I’m laughing hard now as I type it. My husband frowned and shot me a knowing glance when I told that one to our kids (they totally got it and thought I rocked).
June 5th, 2007 at 3:46 am
“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”
NOTE: DON’T READ JOKES AT THE COMPUTER!
(said as he cleans coffee from monitor and keyboard)
June 5th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I have a thing for punny guys-walks-into-a-bar jokes myself.
So a penguin takes his car in to have a problem checked out and decides to go across the street to the bar and have a beer. He has a leisurely draft, pays and goes back to the garage, where the mechanic wipes his hands free of grease and says “Well, looks like you blew a seal, buddy.”
Whereupon the penguin wipes his mouth and says “Oh, no, that’s just some beer foam.”
Alcohol, penguins and a mechanic. Almost as good as the devil’s hairpiece.