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Computer Love
I have occasionally been accused of being an uptight mother. No, not by my children who would have every right to call me names, as I abuse torment gently tease them on an hourly basis. No, sometimes the peanut gallery, consisting of my friends, family and that homeless guy who begs for quarters while loitering in the town square and leering at the young girls, have been known to villify me and my parenting style.
My sister calls me the Food Nazi. Just because I insist if you take it, you eat it. And don’t give it to the dog. There are starving children out there, all over the world. And food is damn expensive. If I didn’t have to legally feed the buggers, think of the glories my shoe closet would hold.
Ahem.
I also don’t like letting my kids wander the neighbourhood freely and at all hours the way I used to at their age. Partly because we live in the sticks where the wild life consists of aging cougars (the four-legged variety, not just ME), the occasional black bear and more importantly, the drunken hillbilly neighbours who think nothing of popping the tab and driving while stoned and intoxicated.
Times have changed. The world is no longer a safe play ground for an independent ten year old to explore at whimsy. It is no longer kosher to hop on your bike and head home at dark, while your parents haven’t a clue where you have gone and where you are.
Gone are the days when you can hop aboard a transit bus and tour the city safely. Now we have gangs, crackheads and geezers who would take one look at my pretty kids, whip out their aging man stick and give it a tug while winking at them as they watched in horror.
Too much for this lady to have to deal with. I’d much rather duct tape my kiddies to the wall. At least I know they are safe.
It’s not as if my children are completely hard done by. I have let the reigns slip a bit in the interest in raising well adjusted children. They can come and go as they please anywhere on our 20 acre bit of paradise, they can use the phone when they choose (however, the moment I see a 1-900 number on my bill I’m cutting the cord), and I let them ride up and down the cul de sac without stalking them the way my mommy instincts scream at me to do.
I have recently started allowing my children to use my computer. My Mac. My baby. My portal to the outside world, iTunes, and the blogosphere. Not only is my computer my baby, but it is my work station. The place where I hide from the midday sun, the dust bunnies and that mound of laundry that threatens to swallow me whole.
My computer is a large part of my life. More important to me than my used and done-for uterus and my useless pinky toes that curl under. I’d glady get rid of either in exchange for some more memory storage. Allowing Fric and Frac access to my baby has been hard. Really hard. Like I-need-a-glass-of-red-I-can’t-watch-Don’t-touch-that-BUTTON-I-have-to-leave-before-I-hurt-you-or-permanently-scar-your-fragile-psyche’s-type of hard.
I warned them about online predators, MySpace stupidity, online scams, perversion, and identity theft. I lectured till I was blue in the face and wishing I could just chuck the kiddies out to leave me alone to stroke my computer in peace.
I set up the parental controls (which I figure should last about a month before they figure out how to bypass them) and walked away, trying to trust the values and good sense I have knocked into instilled in them for the last decade.
So far they haven’t strayed far from the few kiddy sites they play on under the tutelage of their teachers. They mostly fight over who gets to have the next turn and who got to play longer last time. Typical kids. Phew.
How do I know this?
Because I peer from behind the potted palm in my livingroom, watching their every move, while holding my breath. Not that I am all that worried that they will get sucked into some cyber danger, but mostly I just can’t leave my baby, my Mac, unattended and left in the young hands of my offspring.
If they crashed my computer I would die. A slow, disconnected-from-the-internet type of death. Shudder. I can’t think about it.
Apparently, it’s not just the kids who are growing up around here. Who knew that raising children would mean beating the childish, selfish behaviour that still harbours in my soul, out into the sunlight and vanquishing it for good.
Go figure.
I’m stroking my computer more fondly now, and trusting my kids to NOT blow up my computer and to safely use their fledgling computer skills. One day I may have to rely on them for help. Let’s face it: I may love my computer, but I know absolutely nothing about it.
My kiddies will soon be running circles around me with their computer skills and laughing at me because of my own antiquated, inadequate, pathetic skills.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be watching their every move though. The first time I find out they Googled “Donkey love” I’m pulling the plug.
There is only room enough under this roof for one pervert. Me.
June 4th, 2007 at 9:16 am
For the first kid, I nearly had a stroke. Now, by kid #3, they teach me all kinds of things about the computer and the internet. Have they broken my Mac? Oh yes. And I’ve had to swear and drink a lot when it happened. But overall, they have been pretty good about it.
Of course, I’m afraid to check the browser history!
June 4th, 2007 at 9:26 am
The Champ can run around the Noggin website without any problems but I start getting nervous when he tries to load one of his games.
June 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am
It’s all about Webkinz with my kids right now, and I’m just fine with that!
My daughters know that I occasionally check their email… for their safety (and, I’m just nosy).
I hate having to fight them for use, though. They think I’m such a bitch when I take it away from them so I can “check my email”.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Little Man gets to play a few games here and there on my laptop, but mostly I make him go on up to the highest room in the tallest tower, er, the loft and use his dad’s gamer’s box. Serves him right for having such a hot shit machine.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:14 am
You mean, I will someday have to share my Mac with my daughter?! Agh, ugh…Throat. Closing. Up.
“Sweetie, why don’t you use your Daddy’s laptop? You know how he’s always saying that PCs are better than Macs? Maybe he’s right…”
June 4th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Just wait - once they’re in middle school, if you want to ever get to use a computer again you have to buy them their own because they need it for all the schoolwork that has to be typed and/or researched online and uploaded to the school/teacher website. (Don’t let them have it in their room though, it’s really hard to spy on them from behind a potted plant that way.)
On the plus side, if they break it you’ll still have your baby to go online with!
June 4th, 2007 at 11:01 am
My 4-year old is all about Noggin online, and PBS Kids and Nick Jr. And we do Starfall together. But letting her play alone? Not in my friggin’ lifetime.
One letter misspelled in the URL and instead of ending up somewhere friendly, oh goodness!
June 4th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Good for you for peekin’ in on them ,Mom. Sadly, we have to be a little bit paranoid in order to keep our kids safe.
Just wait until Fric and Frac don’t want to share anymore and they’re begging you for their own computer.
June 4th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Um, I won’t let my kids NEAR my computer unless their sitting on my lap watching “Crazy Frog” on YouTube. You’re a less uptight mom than I am.
Go figure. LOL. (If you knew me, you’d know how ludicrous that truly is)
And I’m glad I’m not the only mommy who doesn’t let her kids wander the neighborhood.
I’ve got a neighbor kid (who lives two blocks away) who was coming to my house at FOUR. His parents had NO IDEA where he was for the longest time.
I finally sent home my phone number with him so they call call me.
*shakes head* I don’t get that.
June 4th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Julia thinks all that is on the computer is Noggin.com and email. I’m fine with that, thanks.
June 4th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
You? Uptight?!?
{collapses in fit of hysteria}
Whew! Anyway…you’re right, it’s not like it used to be when mom sent (sent! not suggested, SENT!) us out of the house with instructions to come back home at dark. Ooooh HELL no. My kid does not get out of eyesight. Sadly, many times I’m the only mom parked outside watching all the kids on the street. Lazy bitches. (Note to self: Research laptops w/WiFi.)
Computer? She has one without net access. Finally asked me whether she had an e-mail address just last week. “No! Use the phone! Use a pen and a piece of paper! Tin cups and string!”
June 4th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
My kids know that I must have access to all their passwords and accounts for random checking, and if I find they have one I can’t get to, they are DONE. All three girls have killed at least one keyboard over the years, thank goodness for the evolution of USB,; we used to have to mail order from Apple to replace them…
June 4th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Why not get them a cheap laptop or desktop for the both of them. I am not saying they can do whatever they want, but at least they wont break yous.
I figure the computer use Amber gets at school is enough. And when the time comes, she will get her very own cheap computer. That way if she blows it up, I wont have to kill her.
I am glad to hear that someone else is not letting their 3,4,5 yr old use a computer. It seems like every other young kid can use the computer, but mine. The reason? I dont want her to crash my computer. It is my lifeline, too.
June 4th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
wow to give the computer away and share is a huge thing … lots of luck and I hope it all goes well …maybe you should search the news paper for a slightly used computer … jsut for fric and frac!
June 4th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
whew. you had me worried there when you said you were under the potted palm, ’cause i swore i saw a shadow move in the corner…but Dave swears to me this isn’t YOUR mac but his, and i know darn well my own mother has no clue about what delights and dangers the internet holds. so, all well.
i think you’re brave. sharing is nice, we tell the kids, but we so often forget what it really feels like. you clearly remember, and are doing it anyway. yay for growing up.
i hope when O gets big enough to want to do more than spit up on my laptop, i’ll be so mature.
June 4th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
OMG it would destroy me utterly to watch any of my children touch my computer willy-nilly like that. Do you know where those people’s hands have BEEN? I do.
I know what you mean. I’m pretty uptight. I’ve been letting my just-turned-six-year-old walk from our front door to the bus stop by themself, and I go out on the balcony and watch them and when they approach the parking lot that they have to cross I yell “LOOK BOTH WAYS!!!” and then I stand on a step stool holding onto the balcony post so that I can see them get on the bus. Wrecks my nerves every dang time, but the kid feels like such a grownup. Shudder.
June 4th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I luvs that yur pervy. Just sayin’.
June 4th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
For a moment, you took me back to the good ole days. To the days of my youth. Ahh, to be young like that again because you are right, the world isn’t a safer place now.
I’m pretty sure we had bad stuff back in the day but it seems a heck of a lot worse nowadays.
Sending vibes to you and your computer. You are a brave woman and a great mommy for turning the mac over to them.
June 4th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
I left a comment….irony is …computer acted weird….lost comment. running away now.
June 4th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
So, from one uptight mother to another ….um, hi! Want to come over this afternoon and have a glass of wine? I have cheese and crackers
June 5th, 2007 at 3:44 am
Good on you, T!
Macs are the s***!
June 5th, 2007 at 5:46 am
I married a computer nerd who has promised to love me, cherish me, and build any kids we have their own damn computer. Chicky has already killed one laptop by pulling it off the couch (I know, my fault for leaving it there) I’ll be damned if she’ll be playing video games on my Pweshus when I could emailing my pervy friends.
That would include you, hon.
I’m willing to go barefoot to have my own computer. Better shoeless than psychotic.
June 5th, 2007 at 5:47 am
Wow, you’re a brave woman.
Maybe you could get a beater for them?
June 5th, 2007 at 6:34 am
I hold my breath everytime my little one gets near my laptop… I feel your pain!
I love your site… I’ll be back!
June 5th, 2007 at 8:49 am
My children only get one hour on the computer each session. Only if all homework is done, all chores are finished and it’s not later than 7pm. If they muck around and run out of time — it’s on their shoulders. I figure it teaches them to manage time and take responsibility for gaining or losing privileges.
If one of the kids have a cricket match or a usic recital, etc - there is no computer that day. If they back-chat me, they lose the privilege (how long depends on my mood and how back-chatty-snotty they were). I rarely lift a lost-privilege before the time is up. So, they know I mean business and will follow through.
If they fight, they lose their internet privileges for the whole week. I can’t stand fighting amongst kids — especially mine. It drives me nuts and they have to learn how to work problems out instead of resorting to fighting. If that doesn’t work, I pull the Nintendo DS’s for the week as well. If that doesn’t work, the younger one gets spanked (yes, I spank sometimes) and the 15yo loses phone privileges and anything she’s been planning on the social calendar - even a school dance or prom that’s been paid for (this happened once and she doesn’t mess around when she’s got something good coming up).
They’re pretty good kids. They know I love them. They think I’m a bitch sometimes when I don’t let them have their way (like talking me into lifting the internet ban early). But I tell them I’m doing my job — and if I didn’t love them, I’d take the easy way out and let them do what they want.
If they are ever caught chatting with strangers on the internet, they lose the privilege for one month. We went this route with our daughter last year. She spent three months (not consecutively!) off the computer/internet. She’s been very good this year and goes out of her way to avoid strangers now so she can avoid losing her privileges. I told her if it takes her hating me for a couple of years to keep her safe from HERSELF (her lack of good judgment) then I’m willing to go the mile until she’s starts to show better judgment.
So far it’s working.
June 5th, 2007 at 11:50 am
My kids are more computer-savvy than I am. Even (especially?) my 5-year-old. So I too watch ‘em like a hawk.