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Ass Kissing at it’s Finest
As the mother to two preteens, I make very sure to guard my children’s fragile self-esteem. I want them to be able to worry about boys and girls and grades and life in general, with out having to worry if they look fat or ugly or odd. (As we all know, the gawkiness of a growth spurt will soon transform them into hideous gangly creatures, complete with the odd pimple and cracking voice, but why let them in on that secret…)
It’s my job as their mother to foster a love for themselves and nurture a high self esteem (without turning them into vain ego-maniacs.) I find it’s rather easy. They just rob from my self-esteem and transfer it to themselves.
(Mom, are your boobs supposed to be hangy like that?)
(Mom, old people can’t run in track and field. It would hurt them. I brought you a chair.)
(Mom, you’re really old. 31 is old. You’re not near as young as Joan’s mom. She’s 25.) Yah. Not every mom is lucky to have a kid at 14. Cut me some slack. I did the best I could by popping you guys out at 20 and 21. Sheesh.
Since my fragile ego has been shredded through a cheese grater since my darling children learned to talk, I have had to look for other sources of redemption. My husband, my friends, and my inner dialogue after a bottle of red.
Seeing as how my husband is legally obligated to kiss my ass, it doesn’t quite cut the mustard. Especially when he’s really nice right before crawling into bed and looking for a little marital mattress dancing. It would mean a whole lot more if he told me how beautiful I was first thing in the morning, when I have makeup half way down my face, pillow creases on my cheek, drool on my chin and breath so foul my dog runs for cover. Then I would know he means it.
But every now and then someone new and exciting comes along and serves you with a genuine compliment, which fuels your smile for the rest of the day. Today is one of those days.
I have some ass kissing to do today, and I am thrilled to pucker up. I’d like to thank the following people for bestowing upon me a Perfect Post Award.
Matthew over at Childs Play x2
Mrs. Chicken at Chicken and Cheese and,
Canape over at Don’t Take the Repeats
All three of these fine bloggers have nominated this post for a Perfect Post Award. (Without any bribes from me!)
It especially means so much since none of them are climbing into my bed looking to get laid.
So thank you bloggers for thinking of me and remembering my Bug. There are no words for that. Just big sloppy kisses and a big hug. (I’d even keep my hands to myself and try not to squeeze any asses.)
If you haven’t read any of these fine writers, then you are missing out. I’d highly urge you to take a gander at their work. It’s well worth the mouse click.
If you’d like to find out more about the Perfect Post Awards, go take a peek over here or here. A big bloggy squeeze to Lindsay and MommaK for hosting these awards every month.
As if all of this bloggy love wasn’t enough, the lovely, super-cool, and extremely hairy, Mrs. Chicky has bestowed upon me yet another honour. Sure, she only did it because we are going to be room mates in a few weeks and she doesn’t want me to steal her shampoo or take pictures of her while she snores and drools, but still, my ego is fragile and I’ll take any pat on the back I can get. Especially from a dirty girl like her.
This is one of those chain letter award dealeo’s, but hey, I’m all about sharing the love. So let me bring out my Award Stick (much like the Queen’s knighting sword, except I usually roast weiners on my stick and the occasional marshmallow) and pass along the love.
I grant thee, Bon, MamaMichelsBabies, and Wendy Rocking Girl status. Go forth, steal my button and spread the love. Bestow it upon some bloggy chicks who need some love.
And now, the ass kissing session of today is over. My lips are getting chapped, and my ego dangerously large.
It’s good to be me.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:18 am
Ass kissing accepted, but only because I’m a little kinky that way. The PPA was well deserved - obviously since 3 of us agreed without being in cahoots!
Looking forward to meeting you at Blogher!
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:32 am
That was absolutely a perfect post. Congrats!
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:57 am
mmmm, i love me a big bite of ass.
congrats, you deserve it.
did i mention how bitter i am about not going to blogher?
totally, utterly bitter.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:28 am
Oh gosh, I can so relate to the beating in ego takes with the ugly honesty of my children. Case in point, Eleanor to my skinny sister: “I am skinny like you, not chubby like my Mama. Why is Mama chubby and you’re not?” Uh, thanks child.
Congrats on your new bling!
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:05 am
You deserve every single trinket and bauble! You go, girl!!!!
Also, my daughter (age 7) says the other day how she likes my hugs better than daddy’s. Why, I ask. Because your stomach is all squishy and soft and comfortable, not all hard and muscle-y like Daddy’s. Um…thanks? I just decided to not remember anything after the compliment.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:59 am
Thanks.
I think you deserve the Perfect Post more than anyone. Your writing is the best regarding the death of a child. You can really make a person feel what you want them, too.
And we all need a little unsolicated ass kissing more than we get it.
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:20 am
You Rock!!! I am anxiously awaiting when Fric and Frac are teenagers, because I want to share the ninth circle of child hell. They will then refuse to acknowledge your boobs and ass exist, unless you sprout an ATM out of your ass.
Never fear we all await to provide your with shiny buttons during their adolescence.
July 2nd, 2007 at 12:28 pm
(mustering up all the sincerity I can)
Aw, honey, you deserve all those awards and then some. That post of yours was bee-yoo-tee-ful. Really. I’m not even joking. Not even a little.
And I didn’t call you a rockin’ girl just because I’m afraid you’ll take incriminating pictures of me while drunk, or even because I’m afraid you’ll get me loaded and trick me into getting a piercing or a tattoo. Oh no, it’s because I wanted to see you spell “honor” with a u. I love you Canadians.
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:38 pm
That wasn’t a post it was an Ode. And it was beautiful.
And you totally deserve the Perfect Post Award.
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:59 am
Neat Feet was a lovely tribute and you deserve the Perfect Post Award;). xo
July 3rd, 2007 at 5:21 am
i loved Neat Feet, and think your ass deserved all that love.
mine thanks you for the Rockin’ Girl smooch, and will do its best to do you proud.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:04 am
Awww… I want a hug, I’ll even stick my non existant ass out for you to sqweeze. Thanks, now I got bloggie bling
They were right, that post was perfect, in so many ways. *hugs*
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 am
I think you rock many times over, so, asskissing? Pshaw.
Also? They’re called tube-sock boobs. Let your kids know.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am
Much deserved, T! Congrats!
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pm
I remember that post and I loved it too… you totally deserve the award.
July 3rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Neat feet…(sigh.) That one had me crying. Kudos to you for a well-deserved award.
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:05 pm
That post was completely the bomb. Well deserved, my friend.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:31 pm
If any post deserves a perfect post award, it was that one. Congratulations, dear.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Sigh, looks like I have some serious ass kissing to do…however, that post was the best! You do rock my dear. Now go have some red~!
July 4th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Congrats, sloppy wet kisses and an ass pinch from me.
July 4th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
That was an amazing post indeed. Some other people woulda nominated you if they weren’t such lazy do-nothings.