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My Boobs and BlogHer
I’m back baby. And never happier to be here. Not because I didn’t enjoy my virgin trip to the states. No, quite the opposite. I loved it. Looooooooved it. Those Yanks certainly know how to be an accommodating host. After all, they put up with us rowdy Canucks almost shutting down the hotel and trying to overtake the conference with boob pasties and Canadian chocolate.
(Note how I’m including myself with the rowdy Canucks. I was totally sleeping like a pathetic, ageing loser and avoiding all the phone calls for the Redneck to come out and play. But it sounds cooler when I say I was a rowdy tourist instead of a sleepy one.)
Turns out, I’m NOT the tourist you want to be rooming with. I had a small problem with my bowels. As in I decided to spray the insides of that Yankee bowl with some good ole Canadian shit. My poor room mate. She couldn’t escape the foul smells I emanated.
I tried to make it up to her by being her sherpa for the rest of the trip and packing her schwag bags around, but I started getting funny looks. Turns out I was less Paul Bunyon looking like I had hoped, and more ‘greedy schwag stealer who can’t keep her hands off others bags.’ People were starting to see me as a clepto, wandering around, helping myself to any unattended gift bag. I swear, I was just toting Ms. Chicky’s crap. Honest.
I knew before ever having set foot in the hotel, this trip was going to be a good one. I had an easy flight, seated beside an American businessman who was more interested in his spreadsheets and the occasional look down my shirt than actually making conversation. My type of guy.
When I made it through the vast and never ending O’Hare and managed to find a cab for my tired ass to sit in, I knew I had hit the jackpot. My cabbie was a handsome fella, with an easy smile and went out of his way to show me some Chicago landmarks on our way to the hotel.
The people I was sharing a cab with were a little annoyed with the cab driver and myself, we were loud and brash and we completely ignored them. But it was like sharing a cab with two people who had sticks shoved up their asses and pinched expressions. Dammit, this was AMERICA. The land where I can be FREE.
Apparently, I may have been a little too free. After dropping off the Yankee party poopers, the cabbie set off to take me to my destination. It was a short distance and we chatted comfortably about our opinions of President Bush. (Don’t ask, I ain’t telling…) Imagine my surprise when he hopped out of our cab at the hotel, got my luggage and then handed me this:
That’s right. 45 minutes on foreign soil and I had my first phone number. Apparently, Mark had high hopes that I would need his, um, services sometime during my trip. Because what the husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him. (Sadly for him, I was not interested in his offer. He may have been cute, but he was no Boo.)
If that wasn’t enough, he refused to accept my cash. A free cab fare and a phone number. Have I mentioned how much I fucking love America???
I learned some stuff at the conference, mostly that we Canadians truly know how to party, and that the marketers of Oops wine really might want to rethink their branding strategy.
I learned if you put a lot of women writers in a large room and provide free booze, bad things will happen. And boobs will be grabbed. By me. Frequently and without apology.
I learned how much I love my blogging pals, more so in person. They are tremendously talented, funny and beautiful. Not a cheap bimbo in the lot. Well, except me of course.
I learned that the biggest bloggers, the ‘A-listers’ are just like you and I. Ready for a good time and a cheap feel. Even Mom-101 and HBM.
I learned I am more than willing to accommodate those women. A lot of boobs passed these palms and I’m okay with that. I was squeezing for all you daddy-bloggers who couldn’t be there. Or get away with it.
I also learned, if you put me in a children’s museum, have meat on a stick and free wine, my dignity will fly out the window.
For those of you who actually saw my boobs, I apologize. I don’t know how it happened. The girls were just dying to be free. After all, it was the land of America. What better place to gain their independence?
I may have lost some dignity there on the Navy Pier, but I gained some wonderful friends, a free dildo and memories that will carry me through my loneliest hours.
All for the cost of a flight, hotel room and a random body search at U.S customs.
I can’t wait to do it again.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:25 am
The random body search was probably all about your boobs too.
Glad you made it back safe and sound!
July 31st, 2007 at 9:29 am
i miss you and i miss your boobs quite a damn lot.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:30 am
Glad your home!! And sounds like you and the girls had a FABULOUS time. Though, I’m not surprised in the least.
I hope you’re going to be there next year, because I’m going and I recruited a roommate (our favourite flower - Tulip!) Yup, that’s right.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:30 am
You are way too much fun and gorgeous. Metro was sure that we’d be getting arrested if we had a few more days. Luckily, I think you’d be able to talk your way out of anything.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:33 am
Holy shit! How did you do all that in one weekend?
July 31st, 2007 at 9:35 am
Damn! A free cab ride too? I am impressed my crazy canuck.
I miss everyone already. I miss your boobs too.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:36 am
A phone number and a free cab ride? Apparently Mark was as taken with you as the rest of us were.
And I’m impressed that you were able to find my boobs on the first try…anyone who can do that is stuck with me forever. I [heart] you.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:38 am
I miss you already. It was such a pleasure spending time with you. Can’t wait for BlogHer Winnipeg.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:39 am
Pshaw. I am a B minus-lister at best, but the boob-grabbing? That was aaaaaaall A.
Or maybe DD.
You are an amazing woman and the privilege was all mine.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:41 am
I love the fact that “Mark” thought you would go for it. Little did he know a set of knockers would have gotten him a lot further…
It was so fabulous to meet you, thank god for Jen’s crush or we might not have crossed paths.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:46 am
If you show up on the next “Girls gone Wild” I won’t be surprised.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:48 am
I enjoyed meeting you!
July 31st, 2007 at 10:04 am
I love you and I want to grab your boobs and we haven’t even met yet.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:10 am
I missed your boobs?!?! Damn. DAMN!!!
July 31st, 2007 at 10:23 am
I’m pretty sure I’m the only one among my roomies who didn’t see your boobs - I guess there is always next year. But damn girl, I’ve got Sandra on tape screaming “I just saw her boobs” - we is all class, us canucky chicks.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:45 am
Damn you were funny. Too bad we can’t squish our country so we could live closer.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:48 am
Ah Red, you classy broad, I can’t believe I missed your boobs. Next year?
July 31st, 2007 at 11:24 am
Crap! You didn’t feel me up. I’m so disappointed!!!
Loved meeting you.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:31 am
I’m totally in love with you and miss you already. Please come back next year. Please?
July 31st, 2007 at 11:38 am
I missed out on your boobs. Damn, now I feel cheated.
You’re gorgeous and I’m so glad I got to meet you!
July 31st, 2007 at 11:39 am
Will you marry me?
Miss you (and your boobs) already!
July 31st, 2007 at 11:54 am
Oh, damn.
Jealousy.
Which I didn’t succumb to until…just now.
Must be the boobs.
Damn.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:02 pm
You represented the homeland well girlfriend! I’m proud of you.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:11 pm
CABBIE WHORE! Well. Only to you is that a compliment.
I didn’t get any Wunderbars out of you and I didn’t get to say goodbye.
I need closure like HBM need revenge.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Fuck, dude. Why did THIS post make me cry?
I adore you and really really wish that I’d had more time to just hang all over you and feel your boobs and tell you what a difference you’ve made in my life. Love you. For reals.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Crap. I miss all the good copped feels.
Please tell me that at some point over the weekend you thought “Boy, I wish Binky and her A-cups were here.” Tell me that, even if it’s not true.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Loved meeting you, T!! Hope your flight home wasn’t as long in the tooth as mine.
And speaking of melons, I came home to only 1. The danes made quick work of the rest in the garden. LOL
July 31st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
You were showing your boobs?? Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, drunk.
And I think we made it up to each other regarding the bathroom.
You were a pleasure to be with, my dear. And I’m not just saying that because you had to listen to me toss my cookies. I miss you already.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Mrs. C, you were right there when Red squished me into her left boob and hauled down the right half of her top to bare the other one.
Red, I’m so glad to have met you. Your brash honesty is refreshing, and you are drop-dead gorgeous laugh-riot. I hope you’ll be back again next year.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Damn! An Asian sista can’t score a free cab ride but the crazy Canadian did? You, my dear, are a goddess!
July 31st, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Sounds like you had an incredible time. Can’t believe the cabbie didn’t let you pay. That has NEVER, EVER happened to me, or to anyone else I know!
Glad to hear you got to really let your hair down (and boobs out!)
July 31st, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I’M NOT A FUCKING A-LISTER? DAMNIT.
Ha. You rock. You have been putting all your readers on, however.
SO NOT a redneck.
July 31st, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I missed all the hoopla because I did not hightail it to Chicago, but rumor has it you are gorgeous.
And I conclude that the world is truly not fair considering you already wow me with your kick ass prose here.
Love the site. Had to delurk…
July 31st, 2007 at 4:20 pm
So sad I missed out on all the fun!
July 31st, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Damn! I’ve lived here my whole life and never got a free cab ride. I guess it really is all about the boobs.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I wish I had had a chance to actually talk to you and do something with you while I was there - you are beautiful and it sounds like you and everyone else enjoyed your trip down here. Maybe next year.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:48 pm
sounds like you and your “girls” had a good time.
glad you made it home safe and sound.
July 31st, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Geez now I’m really sorry I missed it!
July 31st, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I am SO there next year! I could use a little attention from a hot cabbie…
July 31st, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Thanks for the feel on my behalf. I needed that.
However, you do realize that us men don’t get phone numbers and free cab rides here in America, right? Just you.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:37 pm
This is good to hear, I got a very different impression from your experience when we met up at airport. Maybe we can convince you to come next year.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Holy Shit that sounds like fun! Maybe I should start saving my pennies so I can buy me a plane ticket next year…
August 1st, 2007 at 2:40 am
WOW! I haven’t been here in a long time and it sounds like you had a FABULOUS time! It sure sounds like something that I would love to be a part of, IF I still traveled….Anyway, it was great reading about it!
August 1st, 2007 at 3:48 am
It sounds like BlogHer was a blast!
Photos, woman — PHOTOS. Okay, you posted one of the cabbies telephone number, but I was thinking more along the lines of BlogHer photos, lol.
August 1st, 2007 at 3:49 am
cabby’s — sheesh, I can’t think today.
August 1st, 2007 at 5:49 am
Man..the more stories I hear the more bummed out I didn’t go..boob grabbing and free booze!!
August 1st, 2007 at 8:26 am
Sounds like a BLAST, I’m glad, You deserve it!
August 1st, 2007 at 10:11 am
DAMN, girl. A phone number and a free cab ride in Chicago as soon as you land? Youse the SHIT.
August 1st, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Free dildos??? I miss out on all the fun.
August 1st, 2007 at 6:29 pm
my boobies thank you and long for your graceless caress once more. YEARN for it.
hey. how did i miss your boobies? HOW????
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:15 pm
“I also learned, if you put me in a children’s museum, have meat on a stick and free wine, my dignity will fly out the window.”
Duuuuude. Why is that so funny to me? I can’t stop laughing.
August 2nd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I bet a dollar to donuts that those who saw your boobs were not amongst those who would have been the most appreciative of them.
Lots of boobs at the conference, though, well into the 1400-1500 range. This is why I went.
-Simon.
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:06 pm
i’ll watch my rss feed to be updated when pics of boobs are added to this post….
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:07 pm
i’ll watch for my rss feed to be updated when pics of boobs are added to this post….
August 2nd, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Oh, it was so much fun. Nice meeting you in passing…
August 4th, 2007 at 8:55 am
[…] breasts merit attention, and that many women (and men) are happy to attend to them with adoration, ogling, grabbing, and gentle administrations. But once the boobies become part of the breastfeeding equation, fun […]
August 7th, 2007 at 4:24 am
Hmmmm. Wonder if you were at the same conference Pioneer Woman was?! Sounds like it was a great time!