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Always Read the Fine Print
There is nothing funny about the psych assessment sitting on my kitchen table, mocking me with it’s pages of judgements and recommendations.
I’ve tried to find the funny of it, buried deep between the parts where the report says that contrary to all my flaws I may actually be a good parent and the parts stating I may need professional help to ever be considered normal.
I’ve tried to find humour while reading that I am flippant and aggressive. (Ya, so? Wanna make something of it?)
I’ve tried to find a way to bring humour to a report which describes me as insensitive and overly frank with a streak of exhibitionism.
Like that’s a bad thing? It’s not like I go around flashing my boobs, people. (At least not while sober.)
Excuse me while I go find a bottle of red to boost my fragile ego.
This report has been the bane of my sanity before it’s very existence. The mere thought that I had to be clinically assessed in a psychological manner because I had the nerve to take antidepressants when my child died suddenly was and still is, insulting.
The fact the psych dude read my blog and didn’t like my sense of humour, my style of writing or my content, should never have entered his rendering of my assessment.
Yet, I suspect it did.
And I’m pissed. And not in an alcoholic way.
Overall, the psych assessment found my family and me to be suitable candidates for adoption. None of us are depressed, psychopathic, suicidal or homicidal.
(I hadn’t read the report yet.)
The report wasn’t all bad. Apparently I have the parenting skills of a super hero, much to the amazement of the psych dude. My children are well adjusted (despite my personality flaws) and delightful to be around. My husband could single handily save the world with his broad shoulders and most certainly saved me from a life of dancing around a pole, the report finds.
There are other glimmers of positive reinforcement in the report, just enough to keep me from jumping off a bridge or locking myself into a padded room.
But it is an unusual and oddly disturbing moment to have your life, your personality and your very essence ripped apart and dissected by complete strangers all so that you may have the opportunity to adopt a child. It would have been much easier to find a donor, fill a turkey baster and um, baste one’s self to get a kid.
If only I had thought of that first. Damn.
I was hesitant to post about this report, as I’m a little sensitive to criticism right now. (Hmm. Wonder why.) My family and I have been under a microscope for over a year now and I’m feeling a little shy about more scrutiny. But when I made the decision to blog about the trials and tribulations of adopting, and ultimately went public with this quest of my family’s, I promised myself I would post the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And boy, was this ugly.
Ultimately, regardless of how humbling this report has been to my ego, it has been a useful tool for me and my husband. It’s bonded us closer and gave us an insight to our children that most parents don’t get. It’s made us love one another a little more tenderly, because we now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that momma is ape-shit crazy and you never know when she’s gonna come unglued.
Er, I mean, we all have our personal flaws printed in black and white and there is no need to point them out to one another anymore. We have an official document broadcasting them for all to read.
This report, in all it’s painful glory did more than knock me down a peg or two and make me reach for my wine glass. It gave me a small gift in fine print, buried amongst all the harsh findings of what an incredible nut job I really am.
It told me how much my family really loves me, and how unbelievably amazing all of them really are. Flaws and all. Not that I needed a three thousand dollar psychological assessment to tell me that. I already knew.
But now I have proof.
******EDIT:******
I just want to clarify for everyone that we were RECOMMENDED for approval. We still have yet to be approved. This means the home assessment and our psych assessment and the recommendation will be forwarded to the adoption headquarters magic kingdom and some fairy prince or princess will read the recommendation and assessments and rubber stamp it yes or no. My adoption case workers assure us they are confident our application will be approved. I’m placing my sanity in their hands and trusting they wouldn’t lie to me. After all, you don’t lie to crazy people and I’m certifiable. The report said so.
And thanks for all the support. It’s good to know someone likes me. Because I’m positive the psych dude didn’t.
November 12th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
remember please, too that those people who wrote that report, are people. They are not infallible.
November 12th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Those of us who know you only through your blog would say that there are few people as real and as funny and as loving as you are. I do wonder what the report would’ve been like had they not read your blog. Someone whose life is as rich and who has experienced both love and loss, and can write about it as intensely as you have, would probably deviate a bit from the norm on those idiot psych evaluations. You know that psych dude LOVED your blog! Everyone should be nutty as you are–we might all be doing good as you.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
The bottom line, my sweet RM, is that you have been accepted. And if I were you? I’d burn that report. You’ve probably already memorized it anyway.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Don’t we all have a little bit of the crazies? You are incredibly brave to subject yourself and your family to that level of scrutiny. As a provider of services to special needs kiddos, I think it is AWESOME that you want to adopt one of the little darlings…they are a lot of fun!
November 12th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Ok, you made me come out of the lurking corner for this. Thank whichever deity and all the events that have shaped you into the person you are. We are a sum of our parts and there is no normal. There are those that survive and find ways of doing things, even when unaware, that help others survive. That is what makes us all human.
Even if no one ever comes out and says it, there is still someone out there that is going to find inspiration or comfort in something that they have seen here, or by knowing you in person. If we were all normal and fit into the boxes we are supposed to, the world would be a boring place.
I can’t see a better set of people to do the job you’re applying for. Someone has to run around and do the crazy stuff, it gives the neighbors something to talk about.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
You’re a lot less crazy than half the folks out there who hold everything in and never work anything out. And the anti-depressants - I take them and I always will most likely, and I have not lost a child. Geez! Do these people have hearts?
November 12th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I’m with Slouching Mom on this one… definitely burn it. ‘Cause you know that years from now you’ll pull it out of a drawer and re-read it and it will only piss you off/upset you all over again.
I believe that if any of us was analyzed the way you were, we’d all be found bat shit crazy. Really, who *is* normal?
And most importantly - they approved you!
November 12th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
It seems like a totally subjective assessment, and you ended up getting a total dickhead on top of it all. I think you’ve got sumo-wrestler strength combined with gut-busting humor and can handle just about anything life throws your way. And that makes for some mad parenting skillz.
November 12th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
What Slouching Mom said.
You were accepted. THAT speaks louder than any perceived criticisms;).
It’s funny how we always feel the pang of the negative - and how it lingers longer than anything positive. Make a choice. Choose to see the positive in all this — and looks at the negatives as opportunity;).
Much love - oxoxox
November 12th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
See, there’s hope for all us f-ups around the world after all.
I’m glad you’re able to draw the positive from something even when it stings a bit.
And remember to take any psych assessment with a HUGE grain of salt. It’s all put together by humans, who may need their own “assessments.”
November 12th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
We all love you and I’m with those who said to burn it. You are the funniest woman on the net and I’m so glad I found your site. You are so honest about your laughter and your pain, more people should be this way.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
See, now I’d have parts of it emblazoned on a t-shirt and then go do something really bad and illegal and bat-shit crazy. When the cops finally got me, I’d point to my shirt and grin.
No, I wouldn’t, not really, but I hope it made you smile!
The nice part about this part is that it’s OVER.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I doubt that too many people ever receive a perfect, glowing report after an assessment like that. It is good that you have found the fine print, but I think it would serve you well to file the report away for a while if you don’t want to burn it.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
It is the good kind of crazy, friend. The kind that makes us love you.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
That psyche dude might have roasted you and your blog on the report, but deep down…you know he’s reading you regularly.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
I really liked this post. Although all your other posts are so entertaining, this one kind of opened up and showed us a rawer side of you.
I can’t imagine having to read a report about myself. I’m terrified to know what others have to say about me behind my back, but an actual report card on my personality? Don’t think I could handle that.
It’s clear that you are doing well, and your sense of humor is a huge attribute.
Hang in there. The end game just got a bit closer!
November 12th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
oh, honey. those paper pushers can kiss all of our asses. (hi, paper pushers!)
seriously, they’ve got to do what they got to do to cover their ass. it’s all you, sister. you shine.
November 12th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
There’s no doubt that I’m overdosing on hormones right now, but I’m really, REALLY angry on your behalf.
Being recommended for approval is all well and good, and I’m thrilled to pieces for you, but I really think the psych dude ought to go…okay, I won’t say it. But you know what I’m thinking.
November 12th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I must ask, how did he come to read your blog?? Is this a question on the form? Do you have a blog? check here What is said blogs name? add here
November 12th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
Just because we haven’t all been subjected to a family psyche exam doesn’t mean that we aren’t all crazy in one way or another. Seriously, I would hate to read what a ‘professional’ had to say about me, and look! I’m gonna push out another kid any day now!
November 12th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Although part of me would like to have a psych assessment of myself (I wonder if they found this and this and this flaws and if not, why the hell not?), I suspect I would be terrified if one actually showed up on my doorstep for me to read.
I can see where from a bureaucratic mindset, your frankness and honesty with, shall we stay, non-standard answers to standard questions would make you hard to pigeonhole and therefore hard to predict in the same way the pigeonholed can be predicted. That’s very uncomfortable for the bureaucratic mind. On the other hand, if you talk like you write in your blogs, I don’t see how anyone can see you as anything other than deeply committed to family and an extraordinary mother (not saying those are your only talents, because they’re not, but those are the ones of most interest in the adoption thing).
Thank you for sharing with the world. You are a brave woman, and I hope some of your attitude will rub off on me!
November 13th, 2007 at 12:27 am
It really shouldn’t be this hard. The antidepressant thing has me steamed though. Betcha the moron would have written that you were unfeeling and uncaring if you DIDN’T need them after such an experience as losing your beautiful Bug.
The thing to remember is he still recommended you. Even after reading your blog. I would hate to think what the psych dude would think of me after reading mine. My blog is a small part of me. I am not like that 24/7 just the few minutes it takes me to spew out a post.
For what it’s worth I am sending you a huge cyber hug across the oceans…… have a glass of red for me (any woman that drinks red wine is a fine woman in my mind)
November 13th, 2007 at 1:08 am
That is so absurd. I would think you were crazy if you DIDN’T need anti-depressants after losing your son. Did he trouble himself to read the beautiful post about your kids talking to the parents of the other little one with special shoes?
If you are crazy, I must be a complete whack job because I think you rock….of course I do call my family the Freak Parade….
November 13th, 2007 at 3:53 am
The reality is that a lot of the non-blogging world sees bloggers as a collection of self-centered, navel-gazing narcissists who seek little more than the thrill of exhibitionism. They don’t see the community of support, the new perspectives on old problems that suddenly bring everything into focus, or the simple fact that talking about our problems and challenges (and successes for that matter) is part of a healthy state of well-being.
Personally, I’d be willing to bet that a lot of his negativity came from his lack of comfort with your candor here. And for that, I say fuck him. (But not literally, because he’s already recommended you, so there’s no need for that.)
November 13th, 2007 at 5:07 am
Psych dude? Not a blogger.
Us? Bloggers.
I love you, you love me, we’re a dysfunctional family.
Hope the phlegm has subsided.
November 13th, 2007 at 5:50 am
You have to read these ‘assessments’ with about 3 boxes of salt.
There are two main reasons for this:
1. Anyone who deviates from the mean/’norm’ (who doesn’t?) in any way is by (their) definition ‘deviant’ to some degree. Perfectly rational (ha!) Since there is no such thing as a person who hits the mean/norm in every single way possible, every person who is assessed is going to come out being a deviant in one way or another. I doubt there are more than 100 people in the history of psychiatry who has been perfectly happy with their psych reports.
2. It is the job of the psych professional to find out about all your problems, your issues, the ways in which you deviate, and put them into that report. They are trained to do this, and it is what they are paid for… if they don’t find the problems and issues, they don’t look like they did an adequate job. If they don’t report every little hiccup, they also fear that if they declare you unmitigatedly sane and delightful, they will be held professionally responsible if you are found, down the line, to be the sort of person who accidentally sticks their children in the oven and turns it to ‘broil’ while sleepwalking.
So it is their job to give their professional opinion that you are a Total Loon, and they are happy to do it. That doesn’t mean that you are more of a Total Loon than anyone else. And they know that… which is why they recommended approval. And why your caseworkers are so cheerfully confident about your chances of success. They’ve seen similar assessments hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. Because ALL the people they assess are similarly Loony, each in their own way; to be a Loon is the norm, and so it does not disqualify you for adoptive parenthood.
So I wouldn’t worry about being seriously batshit crazy, if I were you. Unless, you know, you WANT to be…
November 13th, 2007 at 7:12 am
He doesn’t like your blog?
He’s the one in need of a psych eval.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:29 am
Hey RM,
Just wanted to unlurk and share that I have been there and bought the t-shirt. When going through the adoption process our family and friends would comment on how we had to jump through hoops. Hoops! I’d say…no, no, no…jump through a flaming hoop on a unicycle with a lion waiting with an open mouth to land on a wire. When all is said and done…this fellow crazy has a 20 month old peanut sitting next to her. And if they thought I was crazy before they should see me after watching Dora for the tenth time in a day!
Moose
November 13th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Happy, well-adjusted children? A husband who can single-handedly save the world? Well, obviously you’re nuts. No one can have everything that you have without being a bit psycho.
Darlin? I so completely understand where you’re coming from, and even though I’d love to tell you to focus on the positive….I know how it feels to have your mind picked apart. And to be the recipient of negativity. But the ones who say that the assessment team is covering their butts are right.
As for the blog? There’s such a wonderful mix of beauty and grief and funny and hope here? Whether they like it or not (personal opinion), it is wonderful, as are you.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:20 am
“My children are well adjusted (despite my personality flaws) and delightful to be around.”
Knowing that your husband is gone a huge amount of time, who does the psych dude think does the majority of the teaching these kids to become well adjusted and delightful to be around.
I guess I’m a little confused. If you had written everything in your blog in a journal, not on the web, would psych dude have ever even seen them? If not, then how can the blog carry so much weight. You still would have had the thoughts, he just wouldn’t have known about them.
I just recently found your blog, and I have spent parts of the last couple weeks reading old posts. I wish I could be as open as you. I love your blog. Its one of the first things I check each day.
Hoping you’re feeling better (from the cold and the report).
Lesa
November 13th, 2007 at 8:58 am
What is normal? We all have a touch of the crazy in some form or the other, no?
So sorry you had to get the psych dude with no sense of humor, though. I guess a big part of these guys jobs are to cover their own asses, right?
November 13th, 2007 at 9:21 am
This whole deal is precisely why a perfectly normal, very financially successful woman in my office who happens to be SINGLE, went to Guatemala to adopt her two babies.
Everyone has their own brand of crazy. Paper-pushers suck. I wonder how they recommend dealing with the death of your own child?
November 13th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Dude? The psych guy read your blog? Is he the one who calls himself “Anonymous”?
You should have received a discount on the eval because of all the entertainment you provided.
It often seems that bright, amazing women will focus on a little teeny
detail that is less than flattering and forget all of the glory that is herself.
Remember, you are more than that.
You rock.
Loves from a fellow Canuck.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Interestingly, I have a friend who got pregnant the turkey baster way. She was required to undergo a psych assessment before they would let her do that, too.
Funny how you need a psych assessment to do all that stuff but not to just have sex and make a baby in the back seat of your prom date’s car.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Come close and breathe all over me while I give you big hugs.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
I am confused. Did you answer the door buck nekkid with a butcher kinife? Were you drunk or cracked out the whole time they were there evaluating you? Are you hiding bodies under the house?
I have read nothing that makes you appear crazy. Has anyone done a psych evaluation on the psych guy. My husband always said that the craziest people you will ever find are people in the psych field.
Pssst…..we know you ain’t crazy.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:59 am
One of many things I have discovered in my 62 years of astute observation is that the ‘experts’ often can’t tell shit from Shinola. Good luck on your proceedings.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
You are freakin’ awesome. I don’t care what the psych dude says! If everyone had to undergoe that kind of evaluation I am sure we’d all be classified as undeniably certifiable… But by normal people standards (meaning me of course) you have handled the hardest thing in life better than I thought possible. If you have to be flippant, sarcastic, etc…. to cope then so be it. I think the world needs more people like you RM.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Not only do I like you, but I’ll kick your exhibitionist ass anytime in a game of Scrabble.
*muah*
November 13th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Isn’t it wonderful the hoops we make prospective adoptive parents jump through, yet when it comes to removing a child from an obviously bad, bad, bad birth-parent environment we’re more likely to have the child end up DEAD than outa there????? See it on the news all the time. All I can say, after reading this fabulous blog and getting to know you and your family, is that I wished I lived near you so that I could meet you. Or, as my hubby says, you and I could get arrested together because what one wouldn’t think up, the other would. And then dare them to do it! You go, girl. I admire your desire to parent more (of other peoples’) kids, including the hard-to-adopt kids with special needs. God love ya. YOU are a better person than me.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I suggest that you take up Extreme Ironing. The psych dude would totally love you after that.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I’ve yet to meet anyone whose psych report would come back clean. It’s the truly self-aware people that admit they’re a little nuts–and those are the people around whom I feel most comfortable.
The rest are lying to somebody.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
LIKE you? We adore you!!
Has the thought ever entered your mind that the psych dude could be an uptight, anal retentive with the personality of a pumpkin? (sorry, psych dude…. it’s just we love our Redneck Mommy and you were MEAN)
You are wonderfully wacky, just the way you are.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Not sure I could take reading a psych eval of myself without downing a bottle of “white” first.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I can’t imagine I would be approved for anything if a mean, grumpy psych dude visited me. I’m glad the microscope part is over for you and let us know when that stamp that reads “approved” finds it’s way to your home - like I know it will!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Of course you have great parenting skills! It is your sense of humor and rampant (well, okay, moderate) exhibitionism…and the way you embrace life, that makes it all work! I’m glad you got recommended and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for success.
And just in case some psych dude is reading this…when I say “moderate exhibitionism”…that does not mean I’ve seen her boobs or anything. It just means she’s not afraid to say funny things!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
I don’t need some report to tell me you’re bat sh*t crazy. I already knew that. But I wouldn’t love you as much as I do if you weren’t. I don’t trust people who aren’t just a little wack-a-doo.
Now, put your boobs away.
*smooches*
November 13th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
what do they know? psych assessment “givers” like stats and the “norm.” personalities? they don’t have ‘em.
note to self: lie about everything and tell them what they want to hear/read if ever given a psych assessment.
November 14th, 2007 at 5:54 am
I can’t imagine that he read your blog and allowed that to influence his report but I bet you’re right. the creep. I think that he’s a little voyeur, so how’s that?
I’m going to write that in HIS report.
Sending you so many good vibes for full acceptance.
Hmm. That sounds a little dirty, there. You know what I meant.
xoxo
November 14th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Um, let’s just say that if I was given same said evaluation, I would NOT be accepted.
Everyone has said what I’d say.
Psych guy=crazy.
Redneck Mommy=Our Hero.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:46 am
That report is what other people think. What is more important is what you know. If you dwell on the report try to concentrate on only the good stuff. At least he got that right!
November 14th, 2007 at 8:02 am
Remember that saying that says if the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem will look like a nail? He only has a hammer. My sister is going through some issues right now and is frustrated because her doctors keep giving her different answers. I likened it to back pain; if you go to your regular doctor with back pain, they give you exercises and a muscle relaxant. If you go to the orthopedist, they recommend surgery. If you go to the chiropractor, they do adjustments. All the same back pain.
The psych dude is supposed to find fault. If he had to come to your blog to find it, I’d say that’s a pretty damn good assessment. Please don’t dwell on the few parts you don’t like; dwell on the part that says you are recommended to be a kid’s Mommy, because Dude, that’s all that matters.
You already know how much you are loved and admired - said by the true crazy person.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:39 am
“insensitive and overly frank with a streak of exhibitionism”
Uhhh.
Dude seriously has no sense of humor.
He also has poor reading comprehension skills.
Anyone who has read any of your blogs, knows dams straight that the first qualifier is just stoopid. Sorry if that sounds insensitive.
Overly frank? I’d say you are honest and earnest in ten-thousand ways, and more people should take your lead.
Streak of exhibitionism? Well what writer who publishes his or her own work isn’t? What was your first clue, Dr. Freud?
I’d say that willingness to get up on stage comes from the same place of strength whence comes the wherewithall to not pussyfoot around when it comes to geting up on a soapbox when advocating for one’s children.
Damn.
Dude gets Halushki’s Geek of the Week Award.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:39 am
I started reading your blog about a year ago, do I think you are crazy….YES, I do. You are some one who I would love to have as friend and be proud to have you as a friend. You are HONEST….more people should be this way…you are not afraid to show your emotion no matter what it might be…You are not afraid of letting people know your Family is real….no pretend….your children are very lucky to have a woman who is strong and weak and it is ok to be both. They are learning from the best on how to be HUMAN…
Maria ( New Jersey)
P.S. I like to read your blog with a bottle of red in my hand!!!!
November 14th, 2007 at 8:47 am
everyone is crazy, period. everyone could be diagnosed with some psych issue, all you have to do is look hard enough and blur a few lines. don’t stress about it, you got through that part, moving on to the next one. your only as crazy as the next person, but based on your blog….please don’t cook! oh and don’t forget how good you are at yelling!
November 14th, 2007 at 8:54 am
I like flippant people.
Insensitive? Nah. Awesome? You betcha lady.
Crazy? Butofcourse.
But.that.is.why.we.all.LOVE.you.T!
Hang in there woman.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Greetings via Redsy!
The whole adoption routine really made me want to crusade for Parenting Licenses for everyone! After all, how a stanger parents impacts society far more than how they drive their dang car. We had to jump through hoop after hoop just because we weren’t able to easily get knocked up.
What I do know is that almost three years later I almost never think of the process, only of the joy of the kiddo who occupies every corner of my heart.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:37 am
It would seem to me that someone would need a sense of humor to be a good parent. Therefore, you are the perfect candidate. I’m wishing you a speedy process.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:11 am
All the best people are crazy. I’m just sayin’.
Seriously though. Do any of us really know that woman who is perfectly adjusted, has no character flaws, and is the perfect parent? Um, no. She doesn’t exist. I agree that the blog shouldn’t have gone into his psychological assessment, but hey, it is a part of you. I don’t get exhibitionist out of your blog (maybe that says something about me) though. He just didn’t get it. But overall he got that all the flawed parts equal something great.
Your family is wonderful too. I worry about you sometimes. And then I read a post like this and I realize that I don’t need to worry. Your family is amazing and you *are* a superwoman. Good luck, babe.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
wow…that’s harsh. i can’t imagine what it’s like to be under the microscope of people who have no idea what it’s like to be in your shoes. and i can’t believe that your blog would be held against you..that’s just ridiculous! seriously! if anyone should understand the need to get your thoughts and feelings out, it should be that Psych person!
friends of mine went through the same thing here in Ontario. they found information about how she liked to party when she was in college, and suddenly she was an alcoholic. just insane.
glad to hear that you were recommended for approval…i’m rootin’ for ya!
November 14th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Don’t sweat it. Those psyche folks are paid to be hyper critical about EVERYTHING! If only we all had to take a test to procreate! Adoption is SO much harder and I wish you nothing but success.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Ok, I’m delurking to say screw the psych guy. I’ve read every post (yes, I’ve staked your archives) and your other blog and I’d give you ten kids if you wanted them.
I emailed you once (using an old name) about your other blog and got the nicest email in return. You’ve been through the ringer and are deserving of having something go your way now. I hope all works out for you and soon.
Ok, back to lurking….
November 14th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Just going to play devil’s advocate for a brief moment here …
Years ago, a little girl was put with a foster mom in my home state. The mom had worked for the Dept. of Human Services and thus was given basically a free pass when it came to the evals. The little girl died after being abused by this woman, who is currently in jail for the crime. The psych eval done on the mom (post-mortem) indicated that she had serious, deep-seated issues around control (hmm, might be why she was attracted to a social worker’s job, where she got to control other people?). Couple that with a child who was, by all accounts, a handful, and it was a recipe for disaster. The headlines were just brutal and (as you can imagine) the social workers involved in the case were absolutely crucified.
The psych may indeed be sense of humor impaired, and may not “get” your blog or your sense of humor, but this person does have to consider the best interests of a vulnerable child who cannot advocate for him/herself. Look at it from an outsider’s point of view - here’s someone who has been through a hugely traumatic experience, who is on her own a good deal of the time with two other kids who are still quite young, and who has struggled to cope with the aftermath of this event. Wouldn’t that warrant a careful look before placing another child in that situation? Yes, it’s unfair that any idiot with a car backseat and a four-pack of wine coolers can procreate while we make potential adoptive parents jump through a million hoops, but what’s the alternative? These people have to stake their professional reputations on every decision they make, every day. I wouldn’t want my decisions examined under that kind of scrutiny, that’s for sure.
Having said that, I’m glad your application is going forward, and wish you all the best!
November 14th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
i’m with you on the fact that it’s offensive that the mere fact that you went on antidepressants - for ANY reason, let alone the rather depressing trauma of having your child die, for chrissake - is enough to mark you for a psych evaluation. particularly one that clearly misunderstood your blog, its tone, its purpose, and its power as a freaking coping mechanism.
you’re worthy of all that love your family has for you, and you ARE pretty much a superhero. and i can’t wait til you get your new kiddo so s/he can know that too.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
You didn’t need the proof, but it’s still gold. It is. xoxo
November 14th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
OUCH. I think it’s ridiculous that your blog even entered the equation (and I’d like to know who pointed psych dude toward it). Of course, an “assessment” of anyone, including shrink dude, would turn up all sorts of flaws, and I tend to believe most “flaws” are actually assets waiting to be utilized. So there! Don’t read this report any more. Just hug your family, and know all of us are behind you as well. *HUG*
November 14th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Those psych people have no sense of humour so what the hell would get them through what you have been through?
I think you are hilarious but now that I think about it the shrink I saw this year didn’t think I was funny either….
November 14th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
So many good points to make so little time!?!?!
First of all I didn’t realize that they made redneck girls in Canada. Being a redneck girl from Virginia transplanted to soooooooooo many God-forsaken parts of the world by th US gov’t I have to say that you have the true spirit of the redneck girl down pat.
I am so loving blogs and everyone there! You guys are awesome!
Better living by pharmaceuticals should not be judged by the very people who so often prescribe them.
If the sacks full of nuts next door to me can adopt not one but three (and potentially 4) little life forms then someone who is so relatively normal and honest as anyone who blogs about the fun and difficulties of being a mommy should be approved without hesitation!
LOL to mommies everywhere
Dee
November 15th, 2007 at 7:41 am
I have my own assessment of you, and it involves never calling you crazy or anything like it.
Sending much love your way right now.
It’s good news, but with a swift kick to the gut. I’m sorry.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Obviously, that psych dude is a humorless, soulless cyborg. I’m so sick of these bureaucrats with their standardized tests. Every talent, flaw, or quirk that makes us who we are becomes a symptom of some underlying disorder or condition. I’ll tell him what the condition is: BEING HUMAN. I see kids getting subjected to this BS in school and I’m sorry you have to go through it now.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Every time you post about this it makes me crazy!!! I suffer from depression…it is a genetically carried PHYSIOLOGICAL illness that is, for the most part, under control thanks to medication. Would they have an issue if you had diabetes and took insulin? What if you took anti-inflammatories for back pain? Come on folks!
And just remember, there is no one assessing all this crap when two 16 year olds are in the back seat of a car and just realized they don’t have a condom. So people who don’t necessarily WANT to be a parent at any given time are not scrutinized and are chastised by some if they choose to terminate the pregnancy…but people like you who have made the offer of a good home to a child with special needs get put through the ringer!!! Not fair.
Oh, I just told my 14 year old that life isn’t fair. But this REALLY isn’t fair!
November 16th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Hugs! Take it with a grain of salt. We read these reports every day (I work at the juvenile court where the adoptions are handled in my county). The psyche dudes do this day in and day out, all day long. I don’t think they try to know the real person, they just try to analyze. Know that it wasn’t personal, it’s just their thing.
November 17th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Well, hell, this is exactly who you play on your blog, too, right? Someone who lives out loud, loves sarcasm and laying it all out in front of everyone, someone a little bonkers, a little wild, but ultimately, someone who holds down a family with one parent away a lot, who loves her family fiercely, and who has come through one of the worst things a parent can face, and still managed to parent your other two wonderfully while trying to deal with your own grief. Sounds like a superhero parenting job to me, too. Plus, I liek your sense of humour!
November 20th, 2007 at 9:57 am
I would venture to say that most of us, if having to go through that evaluation, would be found certifiably (did I spell that right) nuts. I know I would be! I love and appreicate your sense of humor.
November 24th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
I have to get a psych assessment when I apply to be a surrogate….. now that I have some insight…yeah, can’t wait for that!
November 26th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Who needs sanity with a rack like yours??
February 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Wanna adopt me?