Today is my son’s seventh birthday.
There will be no birthday cake. No party, no silly hats, no presents stuffed in gift bags or wrapped in dollar store paper.
There is no boy to blow out the candles and spit all over the cake.
Breathe.
Instead, there is a mother who quietly mourns and wonders if she will ever find the thread to mend her broken heart.
A mother who mourns long after every one else has moved on.
A mom who has to remember to breathe through the hurt and push past the pain to appreciate what still remains.
Breathe.
It is a lonely day today.
Happy Birthday Bug. We miss you. More every damn day it seems.
Breathe.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 10:56
My thoughts are with you.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 12:14
RM – Peace and prayers to you and love to your Bug.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 14:12
Happy birthday to your angel.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 15:02
Ouch. Yes, breathe through the pain, like we were taught in our birthing classes. It won’t take it away but the pain won’t take your breath away either.
I don’t have any words sufficient enough to qualify as helpful… except maybe
….. thank you for sharing your feelings here, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 18:26
simply beautiful, Happy Birthday precious one.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 21:11
oh, t. thinking about you, and bug.
Tuesday, 8 January, 2008 at 17:10
Oh, honey. You won’t ever have a year where this day doesn’t hurt. But I can’t imagine you’d have it any other way, because forgetting is just not an option, and would be even worse, I’m guessing. Keep breathing, lady, and I’ll send hugs to help you keep standing.
Tuesday, 8 January, 2008 at 19:41
((((((HUGS)))))))
Tuesday, 8 January, 2008 at 21:59
I just stopped by via Y. I don’t know any of your details. But I am there too.
And I am sorry.
I find that the birthdays have hit me harder than the anniversary of my little guy’s death.
It’s the birthday which reminds you of what should have been. The cake you should be making.
Wednesday, 9 January, 2008 at 19:19
Oh, RNM.
My screen is blurry and my heart feels like it’s being squeezed. I imagine that the birthdays and the anniversary dates are so, so hard. Your eloquence and your ability to communicate the complex feelings are helping others, I’m sure of it.
xoxo
Friday, 11 January, 2008 at 9:39
Darlin’, you changed all of us by writing about Bug. None of us will forget. So much love to you, always.
Friday, 11 January, 2008 at 16:22
Sweet Bug. Sweet you.