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Hall of Fame Hair
The other day as I was getting my jacket on and getting ready to leave, my daughter came around the corner and asked me where I was going.
“I’m leaving to get my hair done,” I answered as I bent over to slip on my shoes.
“Oh no!” She moaned.
“What do you mean, oh no?” I asked. I mean, there was no question about it; I was starting to resemble Medusa so I figured a haircut was a good thing.
“Frac! Mom’s getting her hair done!” she called to her brother. Then Frac came racing into the room and skidded to a stop on his dirty socks.
“You’re not going to do anything funny with it, are you?” he asked suspiciously.
I looked at my ego bruising spawn and then looked in the mirror by the door. I didn’t look like a freak. Why were they suddenly acting like I just morphed into one? “Um, no. I was thinking of just getting a trim. But now that you think of it, maybe I’ll shave it off.”
“As if,” Fric said as she rolled her eyes at me. (Sometimes I just want to take those pretty blue eyes and staple them into one place so she can’t do the whole eye rolling snotty preteen routine with me.)
Instead I just asked her to define a funny hair cut.
Before I barely finished my sentence, Frac chimed in with “Any of the weird hairdo’s you used to have before you decided to start growing out your hair. You’re so pretty now.” Clever boy, trying to sway me with compliments.
I patted my little minions on the head and hopped in the car to leave them wondering if I was going to pull a Dennis Rodman and come home with multicolour hair and MOM shaved into the side of my skull.
As I drove into the city I started thinking about my hairstyles of the past. Surely they weren’t all bad, I thought to myself. When I got to the salon, my stylist, the incredible, amazing and most beautiful Carolyn asked if we were going to try something different.
“I think you’d look really great with that new bob Posh Spice is sporting,” she said as she played with my hair.
I was tempted to try it, but my children’s faces and their looks of horror flashed before my eyes. “No, let’s just stick with a trim,” I sighed. So boring.
When I came home my children peeked behind their hands that were plastered over their eyes and sighed audibly with relief when they saw I didn’t do anything drastically different to my hair. “Nice ‘do,” they called as they resumed whatever game my entrance had interupted.
Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about my hair choices in the past. I decided to crack open the photo albums and walk through time. Nothing like a little photographic evidence to prove my children wrong. That I am indeed, a high fashion guru, whose style choices are always bang on.
Snicker.
It started well enough. I was a cute kid, if I say so myself.
Then I moved onto grade school pictures and remembered the time in grade five when my best friend Jen, cut off all her beautiful hair. I had to have the same cut. My mom pleaded with me to change my mind but I was adamant. I wanted a boy’s cut.
So I may have made one bad choice. Big deal. I was ten. In the eyes of the law, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.
Fast forward several years (it took that long to grow out) and I was 16, almost 17. It was a lovely day out on the Pacific ocean, just off Vancouver Island. Not bad. Not great, but not bad.
Then I found this. Ouch. I was twenty. And decided I no longer liked being blonde. So I switched to strawberry blonde.
Which led me to this photo. It was Fric’s first Christmas. Try and ignore my lovely ‘do, and focus on the cute bald baby.
Shortly after Frac was born, I decided hair maintenance was too much work with a thirteen month old and a newborn. So I made the decision to hack it all off, just days after giving birth.
I actually didn’t mind the short hair, but my husband hated crawling into bed with a carrot-topped boy who sprayed milk from her boobs. He found it disconcerting. So I promised to try and grow it out.
Turns out the length wasn’t really the problem, but the colour. Boo wanted my blonde back. So I hacked it all off to try and get the orange out and start growing it from scratch.
I’ll do anything to please my man. Heh heh.
But I was easily bored and schizophrenic. When it finally got long, I quickly tired of the bland blonde and decided to switch things up by going dark.
The brown wasn’t rocking me. Turns out this gal has more fun blonde than brunette. But I was feeling bogged down by motherhood and heck, I was still young. I decided to try something more spastic trendy.
Alright. That was definitely a bad choice. Compounded a few weeks later when my mother went out and got the exact same cut and colour. We were two Oreo’s from the same package.
My husband threatened divorce if I didn’t fix my hair so I hacked it all off and went back to blonde.
My hair was threatening to mutiny so I decided to let it be for a bit.
But then I got restless. Nothing like changing your hair to make you feel like a new woman.
It was shortly after this photo was taken that my son died. I remember coming home from his funeral and looking into the mirror and not recognizing myself. I looked so empty. So sad.
I decided right then that I would never dye my hair another hideous colour again. I know it’s ridiculous to correlate hair colour with death, but I’ll never be able to be dark haired again with out being reminded of the worst time of my life.
So I stripped it and went back to my normal colour.
As I gathered up all the photo albums and put them back on the shelf, I realized my kids were right. I have made some facked up funny hair choices.
(Literally. The kids won’t stop laughing as they look at these pictures. Ingrates.)
No wonder my husband lives in fear every time I tell him I am going to get my hair done.
Heh. That’s half the fun of being a girl.
It’s my hair and I’ll do what I want to. And right now, I want to look, er, normal.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I love looking at old hair pics … only, when no one else is around … and I can drink, and console myself with vodka … and then I hide the pictures. Because while my husband grew up in the 80’s, and has some awesome hair pics, I was far more crazy with my hair when I was younger. So he has all the ammo to tease me until I die, even if I never do anything to it again.
I like the Brillo look.
That last pic of you is wonderful, Tanis. You should show it to everyone you encounter when you’re having a bad hair day, or just a low self-esteem day.
(BTW, I used to have boob piercings, too. Then I had kids. And nursed them. I have my piercings no more, but they were fun, and I do miss them. So yay for you!)
~Brea
March 26th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Hee hee–this was awesome.
I must dig out my old pics and you can have a laugh. I wonder if I have a pic of my old mullet…
March 26th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
LOVE the blond curls at the end!!!
March 26th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
It’s so beautiful right off Vancouver Island isn’t it? The hair looked good too.
I think we all have crazy hair photos, I mean the 80’s and 90’s were terrible hair years. I still dye mine regularly just for fun.
Oh Brea, the trick is you wait until after the kids are done nursing, then pierce the boobs, plus after they shrink to their post-nursing size it helps make them look a bit nicer (some silicone would too)
March 26th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
My hair is in a constant state of flux (in both cut and color). My ex used to say it was like coming home to a different girl every so often.
Thank you for the trip down memory lane. I don’t have such fun pictures to show.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Your hair was THAT bad,,,but that sweater you had on in the christmas picture is hideous !! LOL
March 26th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
You look beautiful! I just whacked my hair off and colored it dark auburn (I am naturally blonde.) Sometimes fickle doesn’t always work.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
You hair is gorgeous; leave it long.
I promise I’m not looking down your top.
:}
March 26th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Crap.
“Your”.
mrnfrnmbafmumblemumblemumblemrenafrn
March 26th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I’m older than dirt and still throw some green streaks in the blond come summertime.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Wow, you HAVE been, um, brave? over the years, haven’t you?
March 26th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Backpacking dad may not be, but I’M looking down your top.
RAWR!
Heh.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I cut off all my hair after Bookangel was born. Nothing like being overweight, pimply (from hormones) with short hair because it is sensible.
Yet darling, you are a beauty in every style.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Wow. Your kids definitely had reason to be scared.
Your hair is gorgeous now! You look so pretty blond and curled. And with your boobs hanging out. Niiice.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
It’s even better when I look at older pictures of hair and clothes styles, while listening to the ‘oldies or classic’ music from my generation, BUT only with Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers - do they even make those anymore? Thanks for the trip down memory lane, I just keep hoping it’s someone else’s memory and I’m just cruising down the lane. Hee hee. SG
March 26th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I LOVE your hair in that last picture!
March 26th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Your blond hair is beautiful! I’m jealous. I recently dyed my hair blondish and I think I’m a much better brunette.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I’m printing out that one of you as a new mom at Christmas - it matches mine.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Sparkly eyes in every shot…well, maybe not the one with your eyes closed, but still, a knock out is a knock out is a knock out.
Good luck.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I do the three year cycle here. Grown out, then streak it, decided I HATE STREAKS, cut bangs, remember I hate bangs, perm it (so stupid) then promptly straiten it, cut it off to chin length, then go for the gold with a one inch pixie cut.
Currently back in grow it out mode, and yet again I am telling myself that I will never cut it again. But I will…..
March 26th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
The thing about you, T, is that even with awful hair, you still look beautiful. How can that be? Surely that is unfair?!
I agree with you - you look best as a blond bombshell
March 26th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I like the hair long. I am currently trying to grow mine back out, gotta make the man happy, but I am ready to hack it off again. Thanks for showing me, never cut your hair without thinking that there may be photo evidence in the future!
March 26th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Love it! I am a hair product ho myself and it makes me happy to see others mess with gods hair color intentions!
March 26th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Mostly I’m just resentful that you’re so good looking and THIN.
Grumble.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Oh, DUDE. You have had some, well, INTERESTING hair choices over the years, haven’t you. (That was not a question).
I especially like the Oreo look. Makes me all gooshy inside.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I might be swimming against the current, here, but I’d have to say that although the blonde is definitely the best color, I think the short hair is really flattering.
On the other hand, although I think your hairdresser is probably right in thinking that Posh Spice’s do would look great on you, I also think it’s likely that you would rarely have the time and energy it would take to do the necessary upkeep on that sort of relatively sculptured look. Posh, after all, probably has a stylist who comes to *her*, and she *doesn’t* have to personally and without assistance ride herd on two lovable but all-too-precocious proto-teens.
Damned reality, it harshes our best mellows… and haircuts.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
You are SO much more daring with hair than I am. I admire your drive for new and cool styles - because even if those styles look dated now, you were at the cutting edge of trends at the time (no pun intended!).
March 26th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I didn’t know you had short hair like that. Wow. You sleep with a woman and there are still things you don’t know about her.
*wink*
You’re much better blond. Although I bet you’d still be hell on wheels with a jet black mullet.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Much better as a blonde, my dear. Much better.
Now, if you had shaved the sides and back, left the top long enough to touch your shoulders, dyed it burgundy, and added black mutton chops, well, then things might be different…
Not that I’d know what that looks like or anything.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
When I was little, my mom was a hippie and had the most gorgeous waist-length, black shiny hair. Then the female mullet became the fashion and she went for it. And she thought it looked great on her. And then she permed it too. Her hair looks much better now, but only because she can’t find any stylists anymore that are willing to give her a female mullet. I think there’s some sort of law against it. She can’t stop talking about what a great style it was for her and how much she misses it. I just smile and nod.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I’m too afraid to let my hair go back to it’s natural state. Even at 70 I’ll be too young for the amount of grey I have now.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Whatever the hair style/color - you are still beautiful!
March 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I think the one at the end is the best - you look HAWT!
March 26th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Tanis? That first picture of the strawberry blonde? That IS a curling iron right? It’s not a ‘toy’ or anything is it?
March 26th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Oh Tanis! This like almost killed me, “but my husband hated crawling into bed with a carrot-topped boy who sprayed milk from her boobs”
You are too funny. And gorgeous…even when your hair choices were, ahem, interesting. LOL.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Darling Tanis.
You crack me the hell up.
Don’t all first time mommies chop all their hair off? I think we do, even sometimes second time mommies
You are adorable, but I really love that last picture. That, I think is you.. to a T.
You have such a great way of putting things.
March 26th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I think I’ve had just about every hairdo you’ve posted. ‘Cept the two-tone skunk;).
The last ‘do’ is by far the most attractive. It really suits you!!
March 26th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
You are hawt! And super-brave for posting these. I don’t know if I could do the same - in high school I went jet-black. And don’t even get me started on my awesome mile-high junior high bangs.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
You know, you’re gorgeous no matter what, but the last do is definitely the best. Plus a top like that never hurts.
I managed to avoid the new baby chop hair off thing. Well, I chopped it, but it was down to my waist, so when I cut 10″ off to donate to Locks of Love, it was still past my shoulders. I rock the ponytail, though. Sorta.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
You HAVE had a lot of hairdos! My hair has been so many different colors through the years that when my kids look at pictures they always ask, “Who’s that one mommy?” Yup, me again.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
What is it with you, purple shirts and and a rack that any woman would be proud of?
March 26th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I love this. Suddenly my bi-level 8th grade hair doesn’t seem that odd, I know I am not alone.
And you look fab now, fer sure!
Boo-tiful!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I’m with you–it’s hair, it grows back, be adventurous. I love the short hair, but then I would.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Oh…wow!
I’m contemplating the short-do just like your photo post Frac’s birth. You look really cool. I doubt (and my family are all telling me) that I couldn’t pull it off.
Which is making me want to do it all the more!
March 27th, 2008 at 2:39 am
I was all ready to back you up, but I must admit that I like the hairdo in the last picture best. But then, you are pretty enough that you can pull off just about anything.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:16 am
umm well I would post some pics of my hair choices but it would require us both opening a bottle of wine (maybe 2) and laughing until we peed our pants …my husband and kids have almost got the hairdressers around here where they won’t work on my hair without someone else’s supervision now since I have some umm `interesting’ ideas
March 27th, 2008 at 5:59 am
That’s a true friend to stick by you in the “Oreo Cookie Days”
March 27th, 2008 at 7:45 am
I am with Chicky Chicky Baby, jet black mullet.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:49 am
This was a great post. Makes me want to mix things up a little.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Would you hate me forever and never grab my boobs again if I told you that in the second-to-last picture you look a lot like Hillary Clinton?
*ducking*
March 27th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ack! You’re gorgeous in every single picture. I hate you. Okay, not really, but I AM jealous.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:45 am
THis is, BY FAR, one of my favorite posts. Hilarious! I have had the same hair for the past 10 years. No joke.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Lord woman, you are beautiful. If I found a hairdo that made me look like you, I’d never change it.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
hilarious. love the evolution of you.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
So funny! We all need a change now then, but we eventually find what works best. I like your current ‘do.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
GREAT post!!!
My tendency is to wait for a really big event — say, a class reunion — before suddenly deciding a drastic change is in order.
Which is why my former classmates now remember me not as a sexy spiral-permed senior but as the woman with an unfortunate bowl cut that made her head look like a basketball.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I have a picture of me at about 10 and I seem to look just like you.
I also had a pair of eye glasses just like the ones in the photo of you with your eyes closed.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
You know, I kind of like that carrot-topped boy look.
But I haven’t had my hair professionally cut in about 20 years, so…
March 28th, 2008 at 2:53 am
My mother, sister and I always have short, trendy cuts, so when I look at my albums I feel like I am going through an episode of “This is Your Hair.”
March 28th, 2008 at 3:47 am
OMG I am having major hair issues right now. I was SO stupid and dyed my blond curls brown over the winter and now I HATE them. And I have a double chin. Send help.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:18 am
My god, you are hot.
I have to lose at least 10 pounds before we are photographed together.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:41 am
“To think I conceived Frac with hair like that. My husband must have been blind.”
C’mon, T! Hasn’t anyone ever told you that we men don’t care what your hair lookslike? No? Well, it’s true. Oh, we have preferences, but, do we REALLY care?
No, not one bit… and bad haircut is NEVER a barrier when it comes to doing the hoizontal bop!
GF
March 28th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Er…. that would be the HORIZONTAL bop. HO-Izontal is something else entirely… and certainly not for a family blog!
March 28th, 2008 at 7:54 am
I love the various short dos. My MIL cuts mine short. I don’t like it as well as everyone else seems too. My hair is too thick and full of cowlicks to do much else with, though. That and the double chin thing…
March 28th, 2008 at 8:28 am
oh my gosh Tanis you are so funny and we both had the same boy haircut when we were 10.hahaha
March 29th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
This is hilarious - especially considering my best blogging bud and I were just trying to decide what I should do with my hair, because I’m sick of it. Hmmm, maybe I’ll follow your lead - I’ll do a ‘past hairstyles’ post and then have them vote on the two or three styles I’m considering. Hey - thanks for the idea (I hope you don’t mind that you gave me an idea for a post)
March 30th, 2008 at 7:59 am
First, I really enjoy your blog! Second, your new hair choice is fabulous. You look gorgeous. Fric and Frac should be proud to call you their mom.
March 30th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Those photos are priceless. I’ve got very incriminating photos of my own hair experiments. I may get around to posting them. Or not.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
Good now… but I quite liked the “carrot topped boy” look!
Cheers
BC
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 am
That is some great hair!!
I jumped over from Fussy……love you blog!!
Carolyn