Subscribe in a Reader
My Redneck Road Trip
By now, the world knows (or should know) of Bossy and her fabulous road trip. How cool of an idea is that? Travel the lands and meet all your fellow bloggers, a few stalkers and a handful of perverts (because everyone on the internet is completely SANE) as you make your way down one highway to another.
Sounds like my type of fun.
But Bossy wouldn’t come see me. Turns out I live too far north for her taste. Something about polar bears and igloos that deterred her.
Still, the idea is a cool one. I’ve had the opportunity to meet a few bloggers in person. But in the spirit that more is better, I’d love to meet all the people who I’ve connected with over the years.
Because let’s face it, I’ve got no real life friends because I’m so damn busy blogging.
(Kidding. Kinda. Ya. I’m pathetic. I don’t need you pointing this out to me. My kids do it all the time.
To prove to my children that their mother is capable of talking to someone other than herself, I’ve decided to set out, via Bossy style and go on tour. After all, if Bossy can do it, then damn it, so can I.
After devouring Bossy’s blog, I started on planning my own road trip. There were a few Eastern bloggers who virtually molested me recently. It was time for revenge retaliation. This time, though, any molestation that may occur will by my own hands.
Heh.
So after a flurry of emails and a few naughty dreams, I set about planning my own version of Bossy’s road trip.
Tanis does Toronto. Kinda like Debbie Does Dallas with out the pornography.
(Well, okay there may be pornography but what happens in Toronto stays in Toronto.)
First off, I needed a sponsor. One with a large bank account and charitable inclinations. Who would it be? Bossy used Saturn. Maybe they would want to sponsor a Canadian version of her road trip and lend me some wheels to travel across our vast nation.
Ya. Not so much. They were more interested in selling me a vehicle than they were in loaning me a freebie.
Harumph.
Fine. Who the hell wants to drive across the country anyways? I thought to myself. I’ll fly. So I contacted the local airlines and explained my idea.
After explaining to a bazillion different airline employees just what a blog was, I never got past the hysterical laughing on the other end of the line.
Damn. Finding a corporate sponsor was tougher than I thought.
So I found me a private sponsor. One who is legally obligated to fork out wads of money to make me happy. It only took the promise of unfettered sexual favours to secure airline passage.
I can live with that. I’ve done worse for less.
Heh.
The corporate world may not recognize the Redneck Mommy and her value, but my husband surely does. Plus, as he points out, it’s cheaper to keep me than to trade me in for a newer model. Wink, wink.
Tanis does Toronto became an official reality. And it starts tomorrow. At the crack of freaking dawn because my tightwad generous husband insisted I fly out on a seat sale. Which meant the early bird special. Can you say red eyes, uncombed hair and a bad attitude?
All right, so it will be just like every other morning for me. But only this time there will be witnesses trapped in a flying tin can with no escape route from my extreme bitchiness wonderful disposition. Grrreeeeaat!
I may be no Bossy, but I can pretend. After all, I’m east bound for beer, blogging buddies and good times.
Just think of the photos. I’ll just have to make sure I’m the one taking the pictures and not the one being captured flashing my guns around.
Redneck Mommy is hitting the road. Well, as far as the airport. But it’s bound to be a good time.
Who knows, maybe next time, I’ll come see you.
(I’ll have to practise getting really bendy with the hubs first, though. Wink, wink.)
April 11th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Good job in securing the private sponsorship! I’ve built an entire existence on it… knees.permanently.bruised.
Have fun in T.O.!!
April 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am
How fun! Come down south and see me sometime! I missed Bossy when she was here bc I had a breast cancer walk at the ass crack of dawn, I was so bummed!
April 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Will you be embarrassed if, when I see you at the airport, I jump up and down and scream, REDNECK! OVER HERE! WOOOOOOOOOOOT!
April 11th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I just know you’ve always wanted to visit Seattle, right ? I’d welcome you with open arms.
And would promise to only molest you a little.
Have fun and can’t wait to hear the stories!
April 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Ali just emailed me about the big meet-up. HAVE FUN.
Also, if you DO want a road trip, I live in the sunny Okanagan…
April 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Now why don’t I live in Toronto anymore? If you’re at the corner of St. George and Bloor wave hi to the Bank of Montreal ATM where I made the final withdrawal out of my Canadian account.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
am sweating with excitement.
erm. too much information?
April 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Can’t wait to see you!
April 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Can’t wait to see you!
April 11th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Yippee!! Have a fantastic time!!!
AND… if you’re not too afraid of trekking up a little north of The City, drop me a line!!
Happy Trails…
xo CGF
April 11th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
woot!
let the PARTAY begin!
April 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I’m only hours away. Okay like half a day away, but still.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
OK - can’t see Australia on the itinerary… what gives?? I feel so left out…
have fun anyway!!!
April 11th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
So jealous! I wish you were headed my way, which is way down in Kentucky.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
metro mama was so excited she had to tell you twice! that’s pretty much the consensus around here. Can’t wait!
April 11th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Damn. Guess you won’t be flying all the way out to Philly, huh?
April 11th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I hope Toronto has as much fun with Tanis as San Diego had with Bossy.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Have fun!!!
I apparently need to learn your tricks, I can’t get Ug out of the state with me much less me leaving him home.
I hope you have a blast!
April 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Awww, you KNOW you wanna come to DFW! We’re practically the BIRTHplace of rednecks… Seriously, wave south, way, way south!
April 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I think it will take a little more than bendiness to get him to cough up the airfare to Australia…
I am more than jealous. Times like these I curse our wonderful nation for being so freaking far from anything.
Have a margarita or something for me while I sulk in the corner K?
April 11th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
You need to plan a trip further North. Like WAY UP HERE. There’s lot of us up here that would love for you to visit! I read everyday and laugh and cry right along with ya!
April 12th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hey …North Carolina is pretty this time of year….and the rednecks are coming out of their caves right about now! Come on down!
April 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am
DC is good anytime of year, except on July 4th. So when you doing your US tour, hmmmmm?
Have a great time.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Camera’s ready and the count down has begun! I can’t wait to see you tonight!!
April 12th, 2008 at 9:33 am
You know, I’m not that far away from Toronto. It’s just a couple of hours by plane. I’d even let you rub my belly and drink that bottle of red that I can’t. And then I’d be able to teach you how to take care of a damn dog.
April 12th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Have fun, travel safe and remember that I’m only eight hours from Toronto and several hours from the nearest airport.
April 12th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
SO EXCITED!
April 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
If I ever get over my fear of people from “canadia” (seriously, igloos, polar bears and molson beer) (seriously, molson beer tastes like urine (I’m not a big fan drinking urine personally, but you know, if thats what makes you feel like you have an altoid in your panties, go for it), I will most definately let you know that I’m in your neck of the woods.
We will get drunk, take stupid pictures and have a good time.
p.s. I swear I’m not a stalker. I’m just a huge fan
April 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Mwa ha - I totally can’t wait. If only I can stay up…
April 12th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Wow that sounds really fun! I can’t wait to hear about it and see pictures!
April 12th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I’m late to the party as always but you’re in Toronto?? I live 30 minutes away. WHERE!?!?! (not stalkerish at all)
April 12th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
You hug those girls for me, okay? Picture molestation optional.
April 12th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Massachusetts is only a 7 hour or so drive from Toronto. Stop on by and say hi.
April 12th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Have a good time, T!!!!
April 13th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I so wish I could have met you. I’m so SAD that I couldn’t be there. Couldn’t even go to the family function I had cuz am SO SICK. I’ll just have to take a Cheaty roadtrip out to see you one day. I’m planning on getting BIG sponsorship HUGE ;).
April 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
You are welcome here any time!
April 13th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
It was so great meeting you last night, even though I embarassed myself totally by putting my foot in my mouth by telling you I love your blog but never comment. yeah totally stupid thing to say! Hope you enjoyed T.O and hopefully you’ll be back!!
April 13th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I’ve been a fan of your writing for so long - it was lovely to meet you in person!
April 14th, 2008 at 8:07 am
hope you have a great time red neck mommy in Toronto
April 14th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Damn, I knew there was a reason I hate living in Alabama! Redneck Mommy won’t ever get this far south. heh! Have fun! I have to admit to being Sam (temporarily me)’s own little stalker! Getting fairly close to stalking here too. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
April 14th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
You are going to have so much fun. I can’t wait to see the photos and hear the stories.
Happy Trails Tanis!
April 14th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Wanna come 8 hours north of TO and see Shania Twain’s home town? No? I don’t blame you.
We’ll catch up sometime when I am a proud Albertan once again.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
i sooo LOVE this. You go girl.