***Long post but true story. I have the cuff marks to prove it. Wink, wink.***
It’s never been a life long goal of mine to see the inside of a prison cell. Call me crazy but I enjoy my freedom. I like to know that if I bend over to pick up a bar of soap I dropped while showering I’m not inviting others to sexually molest me.
Unless of course it’s my husband in the shower with me. Hell, all I need to do is breathe in his direction and he’s ready for action.
So when I almost found myself on the inside of the clink last Friday, mere hours before my Redneck roadtrip, I was more than a little worried.
Hell, I was darn near hysterical. Prison orange is not a complimentary colour against my skin tone.
As I watched the friendly neighbourhood R.C.M.P. officer take the complaint, the events leading up to this moment raced before my eyes leading me to wonder what I could have done differently to avoid my future jailbird status.
Except, there really wasn’t much I would change. Except maybe I would have worn my purple shirt. And a push up bra.
I have mentioned before that my daughter Fric has had issues with being bullied at school. She is much like I was at her age, studious, gangly and eager to please. All of which ultimately lands her ass on a silver platter for the mean girl bullies of her school to munch on.
There is a vast difference between her and me being bullied. Back then I would go home crying about some girl persecuting me and my parents would tell me to suck it up. Back then there were no metal detectors and surveillance systems in schools. Back then kids didn’t bring weapons in their lunch kits and blindly shoot people like targets in a video game.
Back then I also had to walk seven miles to school, up hill both directions, in a raging blizzard with no shoes on, as well.
Still, times have obviously changed and bullying is not an issue just to be shoved on the back burner and ignored.
This was an issue that was not going to resolve itself, no matter how hard my daughter and I wished it. It was beginning to affect her soul, her grades, her very well being.
If your eleven year old daughter is unhappy, then trust me, the whole damn family is unhappy. Even the dog.
Boys are easier. They simply beat each other until someone cries uncle and then they move on. But the psychological terrorization of a few female pubescent teeny boppers is harder to deal with. Especially when it’s leveled at your most beloved daughter.
Annoyed and frustrated and more than a tad pissed off, I took the bull by the horns when I was at a school function. I decided to confront the parent of the mean girl responsible for making my daughter feel like a pile of dung. Except I had no idea who she was or what she looked like.
I thought about walking through the gym and hollering “Hey, Mean Girl’s Mom. Come get a piece of me.”
But I’m a pansy. I have brittle bones. So I just wandered around looking for a woman who looked like she was getting a beaver wax. You know, twisted up face and kinda tense. That’s how I pictured this woman.
I didn’t have to look long or very hard. Her mother found me.
A great hulking brunette who towered over me and was spewing venom from her lips and steam from her ears.
Before I could even open my mouth to introduce myself she called me a tramp (based on my baggy jeans, over-sized sweater and ponytail) and obviously my daughter didn’t fall far from the tree.
Now I’m used to people drawing assumptions about my personality because of the colour of my hair or the size of my waist. I’m used to people looking at my tattoos and nose ring and thinking I’m some punk rocker wanna be who is the scourge of society. I’m even used to being judged as an inadequate mom because I’m so young and my kids are so, well, old.
But I’m not used to my eleven-year-old daughter being called a whore. Especially from the woman who gave birth to the devil child who delights in abusing my child and has never even met me before.
You might say my hackles rose.
And when you back me into a corner, I don’t bark.
I bite.
It is a long and sordid story and one I am not particularly proud of. Luckily for me, I had the forethought (must have been the flashing neon sign blinking ‘Danger…Crazy Woman Up Ahead‘ to ask my in-laws to stay close and witness my conversation.
Suffice it to say in the span of ten minutes, I was bullied in the lobby of the school my children attend, tag teamed by the parents of the mean girl.
I was accused of (in no particular order):
-being a tramp.
-abusing my children.
-needing therapy.
-my children needed therapy.
-of not knowing just what my daughter and my reputations were.
-if I knew said reputations I would never show my face in public.
-of my daughter being the bully.
-informed my daughter is the most annoying and irritating child in the entire school.
and my personal favorite:
-it’s no surprise my son died after having me for a parent.
Good times.
During this entire tirade, my hands remained on my hips as I looked up at the jolly giants glaring down on me (damn you genetics for not allowing me to grow past 5′8…and wouldn’t you know it was the one day I chose not to wear heels out in public?) and I tried to be civil. I never raised my voice or volleyed any of my own vicious accusations.
It’s not to say I didn’t want to, but I was in a public place. And these people were making more than enough of a spectacle, I didn’t need to add any fuel to this inferno. Besides, I’ll bite back later. And I’ll leave teeth marks.
Thankfully, none of the children involved witnessed this degrading altercation.
After calling me brainless she and her husband stormed out of the school and left me shaking like a leaf in the hallway while trying to pick my in-laws jaws up from the floor.
I’m gonna guess the child who bullies my kid learned said behaviour from certain family members. Just a hunch.
It was when I had finally gathered my family around me and was leaving the school when I noticed the jolly giants talking to the R.C.M.P.
They were filing a complaint against ME. On the grounds that I physically threatened their child.
Must have been my heavy breathing and tugging at my nose ring. So threatening.
This is when I saw my future as the newest bitch in cell block C.
Turns out they spun quite the tale regarding the incident that had just occurred. Hell, I’m a real battle-weary bad ass according to them. Must be my tattoos. I intimidated them with my butterfly. Heh.
Thankfully, the R.C.M.P. had a heads up on the situation (before the jolly giants filed the complaint) from a respected member of the community who just happens to respect me. (Reminder to always be nice to strangers. You never know when they are going to bail your ass out of a legal jam.)
The R.C.M.P were in fact, more concerned with the slanderous venom my new friends just spewed and the fact that this woman was AN EMPLOYEE AT THE SCHOOL. A teacher’s aid.
What the fack? This woman works with my kids? To hell with that. Now I AM pissed. Before I was mildly annoyed, aggravated and a little insulted. Now I’m seeing red.
After speaking with the friendly (and cute) cop, he told me I could press charges if I liked. I didn’t like. That wouldn’t resolve the underlying issue: their daughter is bullying my child.
On Monday, I met with the principal of the school along with a personal army of cute R.C.M.P. officers as my body guards.
(It’s good to have cute boys with guns be on your side.)
You know the meeting is off to a bad start when the man you are meeting with confuses you for a new student looking to register. Sigh.
But the meeting was productive. I felt good about the outcome. No, I didn’t demand her head on a platter. Although I could have. I did demand a policy review about privacy issues and employees and I know for a matter of fact this woman is getting her ass spanked. But I don’t want to think about that.
I want to think about how I held myself together while my ass was being chewed. I want to think about the example I set for my kids, for my community. I didn’t sink to this woman’s (and her husband’s) level. I didn’t back down from my bullies. And while I certainly don’t relish confrontation, I would do it all again if it means protecting my children.
Things are looking up for Frac now. And the little mean girl is no longer a mean girl in my eyes. Just a kid who is confused and taught to behave a certain way. She’s a good egg. She just has her own issues to deal with. And now, because of this brouhaha, they are being dealt with. Hopefully, she will stay the hell away from my daughter.
Maybe one day they may even become friends.
Maybe one day I will sprout a third boob. Don’t laugh. It’s possible.
I want my kids to know that I will always have their backs. But I want them to know that there is a way to deal with a crappy situation with grace and dignity. Even when you’re being called a murdering, child abusing whore along the way.
The world isn’t always a pretty place. Nor is it perfect or safe. There will always be unpleasant situations and circumstances to face and overcome. Even when you are a grown up and you hear the sweet rattle of handcuffs near your ears.
There will always be people who can’t be trusted, and people who can’t be nice.
But there will always be two people who love you no matter what the pain you face may be.
Your father and me.
I will always have your backs, kids. No matter how high the shit gets piled on me, I will always come out smelling like a rose because I have you both.
But when you get old enough to buy booze, you better be prepared to pop for a bottle or two of expensive red.
I’ve earned it.
108 Comments
OH…MY…GOD. I would NOT have been able to handle that situation as well as you did. As the queen of hidnsight, I probably would have laid that woman down after the comment about your son.
Good for you for handling the situation with grace!
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Good for you! We had a problem with Chicken being bullied last year. When I talked to the other girl’s mom about it she told me that they were going thru a messy divorce and said girl was sure to need to express her anger some way, it was only healthy…right?!! Ummm…NO!
BTW, I just “found” you and you are great! I have added you to my reader so I can read all your updates ( nothing like a stalker letting you know she’s out here…waiting to see what color shirt you put on today!)
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Wow, unbelievable! It is so scary to think these people are out there. I hope I don’t ever have to deal with them. You did good, and I know you are a great mom.
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I can’t believe the venom - to make such hateful comments. Ok, I can believe it because I’ve met bullies, but still. How sad and messed up must you be to stoop to that level.
So drink up this weekend, and hats off to you for being so graceful under pressure.
You handled it like a pro. (Not THAT kind of pro. Sheesh.)
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Good for you. Made me want to jump in with you.
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“it’s no surprise my son died after having me for a parent”
I’m still there, imagining how I’d explain to the RCMP why it was entirely appropriate to have grabbed that person’s ears and headbutted them until they fell over.
Ho-Lee Crap. You had far more restraint than I would have in that situation. Far more.
I hope things get better for your daughter, and that the other mother gets some kind of skin irritation in her nether regions.
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Bloody hell. You did good, I don’t think I would have been quite so dignified had it been me.
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Just wanted to comment on your blog which I love so much and have been lurking for some time now…..I can’t find anything better to say than a deep heartfelt………..” those fackers!!!!” We just moved to small town, redneck AB over the past year and yes, it is not a myth…those kind of hateful, spiteful, nasty people who call themselves *parents* do exist!!! Good Grief….my girl is so young…I am dreading the school system with bullies and then the parents’ who bully them……SAD! I hope things get better soon! I get this mental picture of some horrific looking couple whose knuckles have permanent calluses from constantly being drug along the ground…..HA!
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I totally understand and agree on how you handled things. I am also impressed, because after that statement regarding your son, I would have had some nice and satisfied gators hanging around my house. Good Lord, it always amazes me how low people will sink for the stupidest stuff.
I have no idea I am going to handle these kinds of parents. I hate to say it, but I think I will have to send in my level-headed husband and stay away from the gun permits. Sheesh!! I am still in shocked.
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You have way more grace and dignity than I’d have had - the things she said were horrible and I don’t think I would have handled myself as well as you did - bravo!
That woman should lose her job for acting like that to a parent - even more so for doing it on school grounds! I hope all of the bullying stops for your girl, it can be hard to find the right things to say/do when it happens - you did awesome
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You deserve some serious respect. My foot would have been finding a spot in their nether regions if they had made those comments to me. I don’t know how you did it, but my hat is off to you. Maybe you should teach some classes in how to deal with morons.
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Your restraint is amazing - good for you! It’s not easy to tame our inner mama-lion and you done good, girl. My hat’s off to you. But if you change your mind and decide to let them have it, I’m so there…
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First off I am SO sorry that you had to go through that. My eyes were brimming with tears when I read what that nut job said to you. You have earned even more respect from me if that’s possible. When I grow up I want to be just like you!
I have a daughter also… she just turned 12 yesterday. I had her when I was 15. SO I totally understand where you are coming from. She gets bullied a lot too. I just don’t know what to do. They have this anti-bullying program in the schools where you fill out these forms so they will have a record of it. But those facking teachers just turn their heads and won’t turn in the forms. Its a load of crap. My daughter has been afraid to come to school before. This just pisses me off. Its gotten so bad I am seriously considering homeschooling her.
You are one classy lady WITH your tattoos and piercings. I happen to have a few myself. Your awesome and I love you to pieces.
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Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
I am at a loss for words.
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You want I should take her out? Huh? I know people and I would happily have this situation, uh, taken care of.
wink wink
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I had someone say something similar about my son and now they are laying in some unmarked grave in a junkyard in Jersey.
I kid.
Seriously, though…It proves that they are just foul and that poor kid of theirs is drowning in their stink.
I hope that it resolves for you, although if it does not? You should press charges. Seriously…I had a similar situation at our school and the only way it stopped was after legal action. I truly hope you don’t have to go down that road.
P.S. When I read the title of this post I thought it said “How I Narrowly Escaped the Clap”.
P.S.S. You would look hot in orange. Clap or not.
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My mouth dropped.open. when I read the part where the parents stooped so incredibly low they mentioned Bug saying “no wonder he died”. How dare they ? I’m fired up for you!!
What sorry excuses for human beings. Good for you for not stooping to their level and taking the high road.
Those sons o’ bitches will get theirs soon. Karma’s a bitch ain’t it ?
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When you told me about this I was livid. After reading about it now, I wanna get on a plane and come beat the shit outta that stupid whore.
I want her to have to stand up on stage at the school in front of all the children and apologize for her actions. Maybe a speech on why bullying is a bad idea would be good to.
Fuckin’ twit.
I want her write you a letter apologizing for her actions and then have to publicly apologize as well.
I want her to rot in hell for what she said about Shalebug.
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You are a classy lady! I would not have been so nice. At 5′0, I would have gotten my arse whooped and landed in jail, but I don’t think I could have kept my mouth shut! You want me to come up there and take care of the situation? Would you bail me out of jail? For you I would do it.
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Like I said before, you handled it far better than I would have. You know I’m no fan of confrontation, but all bets would have been off when that comment about Shalebug was uttered.
I’m proud of you.
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Wow! I’m at a loss for words. You’re a bigger, better person than I am. I’m a coward and avoid confrontation at all costs but it would be hard for me keep my dignity once those horrible things were said. I can’t believe people. I hope everything works out for the best and it gets resolved with no other problems.
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You did the right thing and by doing that you are such a good example for your kids and especially your daughter what to do about a bully. You can’t help but feel sorry and want to pray for the mean girl she doesn’t know any better. Sad situation some kids are in and it stinks that our kids have to take it.
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18 people have already used all the words I was thinking of using to describe your class act!
All I can say is: it’s hard to deal with people who only possesses two brain cells - that aren’t on speaking terms with each other!
What an example they are setting for thei own poor child!
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I would say that I would have kicked their asses, but I’m sure I would have tried to do what you did. Just know that there is a special ring of hell reserved for people who says things like what she said to you about Bug. Kudos to you for your grace under pressure.
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As a long time lurker I felt compelled to comment on this story…Good for you for taking the higher ground…I don’t know if I could have done the same. My jaw hit my desk when I read the things those evil people said to you! Knowing that their parents have their back no matter what is one of the best things your children will ever know! Way to go.
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Hold your head up high, T. You’re awesome.
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DeLurking Alert
Tanis - You are amazing. What an incredible example you have set not only for your children, but for the other parents in that school and for us your readers. Prior to the terror’s arrival, aka my first born, I was a pretty laidback (could walk all over me) person. Now that my son is here, I would kill to protect him. If I were in your shoes, I know I would not have stayed so calm, not reacting to the accusations let alone the comment regarding beautiful Bug. Unfortunately, in the world of ours, people will believe what they want of you, regardless of your actions and getting mad or reacting doesn’t change that. Through your actions in this situation you showed your kids how to deal with f*cked up people, you showed your kids how to take the higher road and not sink down to their level. Thank you for sharing what must be so difficult to share. I do believe that the teaching aid should be transfered out of the school. It is inappropriate for someone who is supposed to be helping to teach our young children how to be mature respecting adults to behave in such a manner. She is obviously not modeling said respectful behaviour. Hats off again for not demanding her head on a platter and for showing empathy to the young girl that is bullying fric. Unfortunately bullying and meanness are learned behaviours and I only wonder what the poor girl puts up with at home. Hopefully she will be able to be a better adult than her parents.
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Seriously? I was seeing red just reading that. You showed remarkable poise and grace. I would’ve ended up in jail. But at least one of them would’ve been in the hospital so it would’ve been worth it.
Oh who am I kidding? I would’ve been a sobbing mess in the corner. I want to be you when I grow up. Your kids are more lucky than they may ever realize.
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I admire your restraint. I am not sure that I would have been able to hold my tongue. It is especially hard when people bring things down to such a level.
When I found out that she was a Teacher’s Aid at the school I was even more appalled at her behaviour. It is one thing to be a mouthy bitch parent, it is quite another to show such un-professionalism as an employee of the school your kids attend. I hope that it is more than a dressing down that she receives. I can understand that as a teacher or teacher’s Aid there may be some students (and parents) that you may not particularly like. However, especially with the students you should never let that show in either your actions or attitude.
Your restraint says a lot about your character especially with the incredibly low blows this woman set out.
I hope that all will be worked out to your satisfaction.
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Gosh, Tanis. You’re a much better woman than me. I’m not sure I could have been so graceful given the circumstances. Not sure if I’d turn the other cheek either–some folks don’t deserve second chances. I’d probably have pressed charges & asked for a restraining order to boot (rightfully so). I’m classy that way. But good for you. It’s amazing how awful women/girls can be to each other. Mean people SUCK!
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I have no idea what I would have done. Probably cried.
I really hope it works out. For once it would be nice if the assholes finally realized THEY were the assholes and just stop.
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That school needs to fire her ass. There is no way that a woman who shows such hate to a CHILD(let alone their mom, and baby brother…oh she will pay for that), and clearly encourages other children to do the same, be allowed anywhere near children, let alone in a position of inluence over children. I applaud the high road, but remember she is taking the low road every day on her way to work at a school full of impressionable children.
How on earth you didn’t lunge at the woman and attempt to rip her tongue off of her ugly face, I can’t imagine how you refrained.
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This post gave me goose bumps. I loved the ending “I will always have your backs, kids.”
Good for you for taking the high road.
Those are some seriously sad people. You have to wonder what in their lives have caused them to be such hateful people.
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I live close enough to you to go bust her nose anonymously.
Just offering…..
but her poor kid, seeing children being raised by losers really pisses me off.
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Wow. It blows my mind that there are people like that in the world. Who could possibly ever think it is acceptable to say things like that?! Congrats to you. You handled it far better than I would have. after they scooped me off the floor, I would have cried for the next three days.
I would, however, absolutely demand that that woman be fired from the school.
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Ummm… wow. How do you respond in an intelligent manner to people like that? I really respect you for keeping your cool. I am a former high school teacher and I can’t imagine someone like that working in a school environment. We had some quirky people working as aides, but no one even close to that kind of insanity.
I wish I could say that I hoped those parents learned their lesson, but they didn’t get the way they are without years of practice. I do sincerely hope their daughter outgrows them.
In any case, good for you for standing up for your child in the right way!
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Wow, this is truly unbelievable. It makes me shudder and my mouth fall open and I get all mad and shaky. I don’t know how you managed to stay so adult about the whole thing in the face of such a ridiculous and offensive attack, but I am totally impressed. Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mom… tattoos and all.
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You totally rock. I don’t think I would have been so graceful. I might have been stunned into silence, but that really doesn’t happen often. Probably, I would have lit up and gone to jail. And orange isn’t my color either.
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Man… I was waiting for you to tear them from limb to limb (just an assumption I made from reading a whole lot of your ‘tuff talk’ on this blog). But Holy Cow… that was the most massive self restraint on your part. I would’ve busted a valve trying to hold that fury inside… did you have a meltdown at home in the bathroom with a bottle of scotch??
You are one hell of a woman, Tanis. A wonderful example of how to handle a really tough situation. And by the way, your kids are incredibly lucky to have you as a Mum. Especially Bug.
Hugs
BB
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I would burn down their house.
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Oh babe. That made me cry. No snarky silly remarks from me today. Just my heart in my mouth. I had a similar problem with a FRIEND whose child ended up bulling my child. Then she told everyone that I was a bad mother to my girls and caused my sons Autism and I should be reported to the authorities. And she was a TEACHER at the school.
So I could see you there. But fuck me dead, she said something about Bug? I want to rip out her jugular and insert a stiletto in her temple. That is unforgivable. That is a low shot and I hope to God someone pulls her up on it.
Or she gets raging pus filled haemorroids. Or something.
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I have to de-lurk here. Someone said to me one time “Wow you must live under a rock.” I didn’t take exception to it because I guess I sort of do. And this post just confirms it because I can’t believe this is still going on in the world today?? I thought schools had a good handle on bullying and I never would have dreamed two adults would stand there and say such horrible things like that to a mother who has lost a child. I’m speechless. And let me tell you it takes a lot to leave me speechless. You handled it with a lot of class and good for you. Here’s hoping this is the end of it.
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A lot of people have already said that they respect you and admire you for having the courage not to do anything physical to these neadrathals. I just have to tell you, I’m from a small town, and my oldest starts school this fall, I couldn’t and would refuse to act civilized after all that she said to you. I might have a hard time, but I’d surely drag their asses out to the street and off school property. No body messes with my kids…and her saying that about your son…no way…absolutely no way….I’d let my hubby drag the offending husband out and let him loose.
I totally totally admire your ability not to sink to their level, I couldn’t do it.
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You are so much better then me, I would have knocked her ass out, then tattled to my husband and made him knock her husbands ass out. I would also egg their house. I can’t believe they brought up bug! JUST WRONG. I mean, what kind of mental person does that shit?
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Ok so I have been officially lurking your awesome blog for a good couple of months now. But I have been waiting to publish my own blog first before I make comments (that’s been a battle)…..
Anyhoo….. I about had a conniption fit when I read what that demon possessed woman said about “-it’s no surprise my son died after having me for a parent.” I seriously wanted to beat the shit out of her. I mean how DARE she say something like that!!!! Now you are obviously a better person than I, so I truly admire you for that.
But more than that I admire you enduring all the insults and taking a stand in order to protect your sweet 11 year old daughter. I have AlwAys been the smallest kid in class, therefore been bullied several times. Which may be a reason I have a black belt in tae kwon do today….. If my mom did what you did, I would forever feel like I wasn’t alone, no matter what or who came my way.
Bravo super mom. = )
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I don’t believe it.
Not that I think you’ve made it up. I just don’t believe that their behaviour was as utterly and completely stupid as it comes across. I’m going to give a shot at some from-the-hip analysis having never met anyone involved or knowing anything about it :}
If their kid is doing the bullying, and if it’s some sort of group bullying to boot (and not an individual loser exerting some physical domination over a loner kid) then the kid has figured out her role in that group by watching and interacting with her parents. And if she’s gotten away with bullying so far it’s because whatever she is doing her parents don’t consider bullying at all, because they don’t know about it, or because they do know about it and feel like it is justified in some way.
So, what happens on the day she comes home after facing some resistance from her victim? Possibly in a heated conversation like “You can’t do anything, you piece of shit, my mom works at the school” “Well, my mom can kick your mom’s ass” “Oh yeah? Well she’s not here to help you now” “Oh just wait until she hears about this. You’re so dead.”
Then the bully kid approaches her mom at the first opportunity: “How was your day, my little princess of the world?” “Fine mom. But I don’t like that Redneck Kid. She said some mean stuff.” ‘Oh, really? What did that little loser say?” “That her mom was going to kick my ass or something. She’s such a little slut. She thinks she’s so great because her mom has tattoos.” “Her mom threatened to hurt you?” “Yeah. She said she was going to kick my ass.” “Well, I know just what to do about that little tramp and her slutbag mom.”
Something set that woman off. And my money is on some bullshit story from her bul-LYING kid. Standard operating procedure for bullies facing resistance is to play the victim to the authority figure.
Yes yes, her kid is just a kid and isn’t served at all by her parents.
But apart from what they SAID, did they do something you wouldn’t have done if you found out some parent had threatened your child with violence? Confront the parent, inform the police. Because they are stupid little pieces of shit who have never figured out how the world works and who think their kid shits rose petals they jumped to a bunch of conclusions and then ATTACKED rather than confronted and corrected. But the general pattern isn’t TOTALLY inexplicable.
But I think their kid started it. Don’t let her off the hook so easily. She manipulates people at school so that she can get away with what she does, and she learned how to do that by working her parents first. I don’t think you’ll be getting that third boob any day soon.
P.S. Sorry about all the language. I was inspired :}
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Way to hold your composure.
My daughter is only 2 and I pray I never have to be in that situation, but I will try and hold it together like you. Glad you are safe.
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For clarification purposes…the ONLY reason I didn’t press charges or demand she be fired from her position was because I do truly believe she thought I threatened her child.
That is what her darling child told her and that is what she believed. This child has a history of um, ’story telling’ and I was just the target this time.
But as a mother, when you feel your child is threatened, you come out swinging. So I don’t blame her for her venom.
I just held her accountable for her actions because as an employee of the school she signed a contract dictating a certain expected behaviour as a representative of said school. Whether it was during school hours or on school property or not.
However, the fact that she called me a murdering child abuser raising a stupid annoying child got under my hackles. And crossed any necessary lines to protect her child.
The fact she called me a whore only makes me think I need to buy invest in buying more of the push up bra I was wearing that day.
Heh.
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Well stick-handled, Tanis.
Being trained in couselling, I can help people find alternative ways of dealing with aggression. You were grace under pressure, in the face of ignorance and bitterness. Usually behind anger is a lot of fear, so people lash out like an angry dog. Behind tolerance (ok, sometimes waaaay behind) is love and you showed your colours, not just by defending the one you love, but by feeling compassion for the other child and not giving in to the urge to respond in kind to the attack.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have the angry Mom’s girl over for a family dinner to see how much you love your kids and husband and to see what a family without the undercurrent of anger and rage can be like.
Ok, diatribe over: You Rock!
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I. Am. Reeling.
And so impressed by your self-restraint.
This woman works with children? This woman who said such horrible things in that setting? Dear lord.
I am so proud of you! And I have no doubt your kids already know — even at their tender ages — how lucky they are.
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I am furious on your behalf. I cannot believe you were spoken to like that in a SCHOOL! I just feel awful for you - I mean you sound so composed by that’s a friggin’ verbal assault!
BTW - I was at Panorama last Saturday and I was meaning to say hi but I felt a little shy and you were always surrounded…
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I was wonderingabout how this would turn out after you told me about it. That you held it together under the accusations they levelled at you.
you are superhuman Redneck. Sadly, I think I would have lost it.
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I hope that if something like this ever happens to Allie that I am able to handle it in such a manner.
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Wow, I’m speechless. You handled that so well. I only hope I could handle a situation with that much grace!
Kids can be mean.. and hopefully she sees her kid didn’t fully disclose the truth now.
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way to keep your cool….unbelievable what asses exist in the world
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This story still makes me all kinds of crazy, but you DID handle it with such grace and calm, and I admire and envy your strength in such a situation (I would prolly have just cried and gone red and yelled and shit.)
Class act, you, my friend.
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Wow. You have so much restraint, your restraint has restraint. I’m in awe. And completely shocked at how far over the line that woman went.
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Do you know the line from Les Miserables: “Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?” Always makes me want to jump up and join the fray. That’s what this post did for me. I’m all angry and looking for a fight on your behalf.
You acted commendably - and much more adult-like than I would have.
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People frighten the hell out of me.
That being said, you did the right thing, even though it was the hardest thing to do.
Congratulations on the lesson you taught your kids…you can stand up for yourself without making an ass out of yourself.
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FUCKING BITCHES!
Sorry. I’m a long-time reader/lurker but I was completely compelled to yell that out.
I’m so sorry you were bullied in such a hurtful way. I’m even more sorry for your kid. The cruelty and harshness of some people never ceases to amaze me.
Reason #86493 why my husband and I pulled our kids from public school a year ago to homeschool. Our kids have never been happier and I’ll never look back. (I’d be more than happy to point you in the right direction - and homeschooling isn’t just for religious reasons anymore!
)
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The first time I read this post there was only a handful of comments and I stopped to read this out loud to SB (how freakin’ annoying was that for him?) and of course I had to keep stopping to explain some stuff. So after a few hours of discussing/venting / raving about how we would deal with this, I was too distracted to write my comment. Your post inspired a conversation that we needed to have - how we would deal with this situation - what would we do. Bullying is such a horrible reality, it’s come through the ages and only recently been discussed in terms of what a parent can do to prevent/arm their kids against it. So first I must say thank you for making SB and me have this conversation. Second - holy fuck you dealt with this well. The fact that there was no blood shed is amazing. You are a bigger person (and I ain’t talking ’bout your titties) and the fact that you can look at the bully and realize that it’s because of her upbringing, makes you an amazing person. But I already knew that. Anyhow, Fric and Frac are very lucky that you have their back because if I knew you had mine - my confidence would be through the roof. I luv ya’ baby.
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Wow. I’m just amazed. Or not. I’m SO glad to be done with the public school system when my youngest graduates this year. Bullying is such a problem, and one that the schools just don’t seem to be able to get a handle on.
And that mother should so not be working around kids…
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Another lurker coming out of the woodwork here…the kind of dignity and grace you showed entitles you to automatic membership in The Sweet Potato Queens Club (Google it - you are SOOOO a SPQ of the highest order). They’d definitely put you on the head float in next year’s founding SPQ parade in Mississippi - you should seriously consider another road trip!
And, this incident just validates my theory that humans have finally scraped the bottom of the gene pool. We need to cull the herd, starting with a certain teacher’s aide.
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Can I just say “Good for you!”
I’ve been reading your site for a while now but this is my first comment. This post made me cry (although to be truthful, I cry easily, and I’m 14 wks pregnant, so it’s not that hard…)
That being said, I think you showed a lot of grace in an ungraceful situation and the love that you have for all of your children is truly apparentl. If they don’t buck up that good bottle of red, I will certainly do it for them
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The highlight of this incident is its resolution. Your paths were meant to cross if for no other reason than helping a hurting child other than your own. Though you suffered an unwarranted attack, the trajectories of all the lives involved have been affected. Grace under fire inspires
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I am so sorry you had to deal with these assholes.
I cannot believe there are people who are sick enough to say something like that about bug to you.
I hope you sprout that third boob.
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you are so right not to go down to their level. i’m not sure i would have had your self-control but it is so much better to have the moral high ground. i cannot believe some fo the things she said to you, especially about your son. i hope she gets the sack.
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Holy shit, Batman. You’re a better person than me, I’d have flipped my fucking lid! “It’s no wonder your son died…” I’ve got half a mind to fly my ass up there and whoop that womans ass for you. You maintain your dignity - I’ll not mention a word. I’ll be all CIA-like, you won’t know it’s me until I’m in jail. ;o)
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Sorry. Once she mentioned Bug, that woman deserved a bat to the kneecap. Which is why you’re my hero.
Your kids are very lucky.
Very, very lucky.
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Interesting you bring up the topic on third tit cause while you were hanging out in Toronto you sister in law was showing me hers, as was my sister telling us about her third nipple…. must run in the family -keep an eye on Fric
see what you missed while you were away and they all were at my house
Love ya
Martha freakin’ Stewart
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MORE POWER TO YOU!
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You did good girl, real good.
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You are an amazing person, Tanis. The fact that those low-lifes are influencing not only their own child, but a whole school’s worth of kids is truly scary. Although it must have been incredibly difficult on you, maybe the confrontation was the catalyst that the school administration needed to make things better for everyone, especially your daughter. And by better for everyone, I mean sacking that woman and getting her daughter into therapy. Fric will be just fine - she’s got you for a mom.
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T, this has me so fuming mad I’m about to hop in the car and drive up there and stick my tongue out at the LOSERS who would have the audacity to say anything mean to you.
They are insecure, jealous, and dumb. Dim bulbs. Not the sharpest tools in the shed. Dum dumb.
You already know this and have the wisdom and strength of character to rise like the cream in your coffee- to soar over them, bite your tongue, and offer pity.
It’s sad, really. But it’s also wrong, and they should be held accountable for their bullying. All of them.
Make no mistake: you are one heck of a role model for your daughter, and one heck of a mom.
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Oh my god. I’m in awe of your composure. Tanis, you used the best weapon you could have, which was to let them mouth off and prove themselves to be the worse (I’m sure quite a few people at least heard, if not seen, this, and by now the whole school knows). In previous situations, I would have lost it, hopefully, now that I’m older, I’ll be able to be like you if it happens to me.
My guess is they’ve let it stew in their minds long enough that it made them angrier and fed off each others words. Eventually, they’ll figure out their daughter is frequently lying. Hopefully sooner instead of when she’s an adult.
Sure you know already, but what they were saying was far from the truth! You’re an excellent mom and a great person! Your girl is lucky, and is probably thinking to herself that her mom is awesome (but won’t tell you, cause you know, that’s not cool).
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i am shaking - i am in tears - i saw it coming but couldnt believe they could go there.
you are the high road.
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Good job T. I would have punched her in the side of the head minimum. I’m sorry you had to deal with such suckariffic people…I’m with Chicky Chicky Baby…I have a cousin who might be helpful…
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I’m in awe of your grace in the face of such venom. I would have demanded her termination. What a horrific model for any students under her instruction. Obviously she missed out on Alberta’s Anti-Bullying workshops. We’ve had to deal with mean girls and bullies before and always had swift action and the full support of the administration. I hope your sweet girl doesn’t have to endure anymore suffering at the hands of this mean girl or others like her.
I enjoy your blog immensely. I get all stalker like when I read and try to figure out which AB boonies you are in. I’m mostly harmless.
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Let me adjust my voice…hold on…
I AM SO ANGRY!
Maybe that lady needs to meet the wild pack of violent girls from Florida.
I’m just sayin’…
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Good for you girl.
I would’ve been sorely tempted to punch her in the face.
Gawd people suck sometimes.
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BRAVO Tanis !!!
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Good God.
I was literally shaking with rage when I finished reading that. I would TOTALLY press charges, and I think you are so much a better person than me.
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Wow… I think with the comment about Bug I woulda flew the coop. However you did handle it wonderfully. With a woman like that in her position flaring her diarreah of the oral glands in a place of her work is a little bizarre. I think you should send her a letter … with a link to this site and let her find out all about you and your kids from youor mouth rather than from her kids. Maybe teach her a lil restraint
keep it up T
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Well done. Amazingly well done. I’d have been fine until the comment about Bug - then those cops would have had to put me in handcuffs with two handsful of her hair. What an incredible example to not just your kids, but hers and a bunch of others, too, I’m sure.
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Holy cow. What kind of freaking trailer trash do they have working at that school?! Way to go holding it together like that. I probably would have flew off the handle and landed in jail after those words she slandered. She will get hers in the end. Way to be an awesome example. =)
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Wow! I feel sorry for their daughter. How horrible to be raised by them. Good for you for maintaining your composure and prevailing in the end.
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What awful people. Like you, I have the sense to keep my temper in check, even if I would like to wallop someone. Our neighbors tried to bully us, even going so far as to say it was my parenting that made Cordy “retarded” (she’s high-functioning autistic). Thank goodness they said that to me and not my husband, or he would have been taken to jail. They then called the cops on US because their kids had destroyed some of our stuff. The cops sided with us and told the neighbors off for wasting their time.
I hope you won’t have to deal with this family any more, and that your daughter can be left alone.
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…to make such a comment about your sweet son………..beyond belief……
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Damn, you don’t need any more hurt! I’m so angry for you and a little scared for you because it sounds like they at least have severe personality disorders, if not mental illness. I just pray that there are no more incidents.
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Wow. Wow.
Some people just really suck.
You are so not one of those people. You are awesome!
P.S. If you guys got the same snow we did, is it wrong to say that I hope they fall into a snow drift and freeze their dirty mouths off?!?!
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You Go Girlie!! im so sorry you had to deal with that - i cant believe people like that even exist. well done for handling it the way you did though its a valuable lesson for her child and yours - being evil doesnt get you anywhere in life, also im glad you see the that the child is not fully responsible for her actionsm, this may be the kick the parents needed to sort themselves out before the next generation turns out like that.
anyhoo. . . rambling again.
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Well done, T.
Really.
Had yourstruly been there, I would have beaten that kid’s father half to death… then gotten arrested.
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If I’m reading this right the woman who confronted you is a teachers’ aide at the school. I hope to hell you did your best to get her ass fired. If that’s how she deals with adults she’s got no fucking business being anywhere near kids and she needs to go.
Good for you!
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Hoe. Lee. Shit!
Are you kidding me?
You rock like Bon Jovi, Girl.
I am shaking from reading this.
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Yeah…I’m not classy enough…I’d be the one one to throw the first punch. And saying that about Bug? WTF?! I’d like to hop on a plane right about now and do some serious ass kicking.
Being a young mom (even though it is becoming more common) is really hard. People think I’m my son’s sister, lol.
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