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Mirror, Mirror On the Wall
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’m trying to adopt a child.
Heh.
Besides having been dragged through the mud personally and been made to face my own personal demons as well as those of my husbands and children, this process has been decidedly delightful.
If you believe that, well, I also want you to know I have a 21-inch waist and only weigh 95 pounds. I have to fight off requests from Vogue and Cosmo to model for them all the time.
Really.
The decision to adopt was an easy one. We wanted a sibling for our Bug who was like him. Someone he could relate to on his own level, someone who understood the challenges he faced on a daily basis. Someone who would make him feel normal. We loved Bug so much we knew we would love another disabled child just as much.
Then the world turned upside down, the skies darkened and the unthinkable happened. Bug died. Suddenly and with out warning. Which brought our decision to adopt to a screeching halt.
We became a tad busy grieving. You know, the ugly cries, the constant wonderings of “What if’s” and trying to learn how to cope and love and live with two very sad and confused siblings who didn’t understand the concept of gone. Forever.
The adoption was stricken from our minds. How do you think about having another child when all you can think about is the fact you couldn’t keep one of your children alive through sheer force of will and love?
After all, we did everything right. I mean, I fed him and watered him and would try and remember to change his arse before his diaper simply fell off from the sheer weight of refuse nesting inside it’s warm plastic walls.
Eventually the question of adoption was brought back up. The biological clock that resides within me refuses to stop shrilling. No matter how loudly my tired uterus, broken pelvic bones and damaged (literally) heart tells it to shut the fack up, that clock keeps reminding me I want more kids.
I. MUST. BREED.
But since breeding the old fashioned way is an impossibility for this now barren and useless uterus, I’ve had to make do with alternate arrangements.
Which brought adoption back on to the table.
Two years later and I can see the sunshine again. (Well not right now thanks to the raging blizzard outside of my windows…how I love Mother Nature and Freaking CANADA…but still, I know the sun out is there.)
Life has leveled off into a comfortable existence between an aching heart and the joyous existence of raising two lovely little demon spawn to call my own.
I’m having so much fun horn wrangling my demons I simply can’t wait to try my hand at this motherhood gig all over again. I mean, is there anything more enjoyable than mounds of dirty laundry, unending school recitals and constantly being reminded just how very uncool you are now that you are known as a parent?
That was rhetorical. Let me live in my delusions.
But now that the rough part of the adoption ride is over (ha! I fooled them all!), my caseworker keeps telling me that the fun is just beginning. It gets easier from here. Kids will be dropping in my lap and I will have the pick of the litter.
Except the litter is awfully small. Turns out the type of child we want to adopt are as elusive as a purple unicorn that poops out golden eggs.
My caseworker was wrong. This is not the fun part. Not unless you consider riding a rollercoaster while hung over and being forced to eat runny eggs simultaneously fun. Me, not so much.
It’s not a lot of fun hearing there may be a child who matches you only to find out the child’s case worker thinks you are a nut job or your family should not be allowed near monkeys let alone children or your husband doesn’t think the kid will be the right fit.
I keep forgetting he has a say in this as well. So far, I haven’t much liked what he has said. I’m still a little disappointed he turned down a seven-month-old baby girl who may or may not have a neurological problem. She wasn’t handicapped enough for him. At this point, I’d adopt a two-headed kitten to call my own.
(We call the right head Sam and the left head Jack. Don’t they have pretty eyes?)
This may be why my husband and my caseworker are trying to ignore my maternal instincts and force me to think logically. Buggers.
We’ve been unofficially matched with a handful of kids but for a variety of reasons they didn’t work out. There is no fault to be laid, they just weren’t the kids for our family. My head understands this, but my broken heart and screaming uterus are still trying to understand why I have an empty bed in my house and no one to slap diapers on other than my dog.
Even my kids keep at an arms distance lest I get some mad twinkle in my eye and start muttering about “let’s play dress up. You be the baby and I’ll get the diapers.”
I keep repeating to myself like some yoga mantra that if it is meant to be, it will be. It’s in God’s hands. If a child never presents itself to our family we will survive. My maternal instincts will just have to learn how to shut the hell up. After all, I still have two wonderful children and a little angel to call my own. Some people aren’t so lucky.
Just when I was actually learning how to be patient with the child matching process and accept what will be, the clouds parted, the sun shone down and the phone rang.
Once again, we are on a rollercoaster journey of trying to decide if a child will fit our home. There are two little children who are in dire need of a forever family and would we consider either of them? My immediate response before my husband reached out, clapped his hand over my mouth and effectively muzzled me was “SURE! We’ll take BOTH. And can I have fries with that?”
Boo is such a spoilsport. Apparently, I’m only allowed to choose one. One has very severe mental handicaps and is able bodied while the other is smart, witty and trapped in rather pathetic shell for a body. Hmm. One is older while the other is younger. Both are very cute. Both need mommies.
When we started this process my family and friends would tell me that I would simply KNOW which child is meant to be.
What a crock of shat. Apparently they have forgotten whom they were speaking to. A woman who can’t decide between green grapes and red grapes so she buys both. A woman who couldn’t choose her daughter’s name so she just gave up and let her husband and mother decide for her. I bought the first car I test-drove because it had a bitchy looking front grill and really, isn’t one car the same as the next?
I’m not a great decision maker. I wrestle with doubt and my insecurities and I tend not to make rational logical decisions. Yet I’ve got the biggest decision of my and my family’s life ahead of me, ultimately in my lap.
Who do I choose?
The hubs, he has opinions. I try to listen to them. The fact he hasn’t scrubbed either child from the decision making process speaks loudly enough. He likes them both. If only we could take both. But that is not an option. The kids, they have opinions. But mainly over who is going to get to be the favorite sibling. So helpful.
For the past few weeks, I have been praying and thinking and basically obsessing over these children. I am confident either child will be happy in our home and we will grow to love this child as fearsome and deeply as we love all our children. Dead and alive.
But this isn’t fun. I’m morphing into a wrinkled, gray haired old woman, worrying that once we finally decide on a child something will go wrong and we won’t be able to take this child home. There are no guarantees. Not in adoption.
In true Redneck fashion, I never thought this far in advance. Much like when I was unmarried and pregnant with my first child I concentrated on the pregnancy and the delivery. I never gave much actual thought to raising a baby. When the nurse wheeled Fric in, bundled in her little bassinet and walked away I remember thinking “OH SHIT! What am I supposed to do now?”
I have for so long been consumed with surviving the adoption process and getting approved I never allowed myself to think of the time when we would start the child matching part. It seemed so hopelessly far off and almost impossible.
Almost as impossible as having to decide on a child.
Boo says for me to take comfort in the fact that once we decide, much like our other spawn, we can’t give them back. We’re stuck with them for life.
He has such a way with words.
I just wish he’d let me decide using the tried and true method of tossing a coin. Two out of three and we’ve got a match.
(This would be one of those posts I sincerely hope my caseworker isn’t reading but if she is, I’m totally JUST JOKING. Seriously. I’d never make a life choice by such trivial means. Really.)
Heh.
So this is where the adoption stands. The possibility of a child being placed in our home swirls around us and excites us. The possibility of falling in love with a child only to have it not work out sticks at our souls and prevents us from getting our heads too far up in the clouds. Or up our arse.
I’ve got big weighty decisions to make in the imminent future. Preferably with out the aids of any mommy juice or loose coins lying about.
But if I can get my hands on a magic mirror or crystal ball, all bets are off.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:03 am
Ack. Sounds very frustrating and trying. Good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:16 am
I can’t imagine making this decision, and yet, I hope to do it myself some day. Thanks for sharing your story. Can’t wait to hear about the newest member of your family when the time comes.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:19 am
I feel you being pulled in a hundred directions with this:
1) I need a baby to love
I want to impulse-buy a baby
2) I want to be a mommy to a baby who needs a mommy
3) I want to fall in love with a baby and for that baby to be the one who needs a mommy the most
4) I want to look at someone for the first time and just KNOW it
5) I want to think carefully about how the rest of our lives will be affected by this choice
6) I want it to be a choice
7) I don’t want it to be a choice
9) I don’t want baby-buyers remorse :}
10) I feel as though I owe it to myself, my past, and my son to go through with the adoption we planned, because even though Bug is gone he still needs a sibling, and there are still babies without mommies.
My wife gives me crap because I always say “I have so much love in my heart” when we talk about having more kids. So we’ve had semi-serious discussions about adoption and fostering, because no matter how much love I have in my heart, she has only so much uterus to give. She might not be able to keep up with my desire to raise a brood instead of just one or three.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Wow. What a decision to make. Good luck and Congratulations on getting to this point!
April 21st, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Aw, dude. This is the hard part. Seriously, want to gripe with me? Email me and I’ll call you.
Even I sadly have an unsexy voice.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I’m thinking it will kill you if you have a child who doesn’t get your jokes, no matter how lovable he is.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Oh, wow. I cannot imagine. Somehow though, you will make the right decision. I have no doubt.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Congratulations on getting this far. Like your heart, my heart is screaming to take both, but that is not possible for so many many reasons. I do not envy your decision, but know that either one is so lucky to have you as their mommy. good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Make a list! You have one that can pee your name in the snow …
April 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Congrats on getting to this point. Mommy juice might help this decision as would “Hot Potato” or “Enie Meanie Miney Moe!” Either are valid options.
;-p
April 21st, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I can’t imagine what a tough choice that is to make. I hope you find your answer soon.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:11 pm
sheesh…it seems that you spend as much time obsessing over how TO get a kid as i spend obsessing over how NOT to get a kid. good luck to both of us.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow, that is tough - and I hear you on having a hard time with decisions. Between that and the uncertainty, this would be killing me, too. (Though me, I’d go with the bright and witty, myself, if I had the choice.) I only hope you get a wonderful child to love soonest.
And on a less serious note - this weather is called PAYBACK for mocking our Ontario snowstorm a month or two back. It was SUMMER here last weekend.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I think your last post explains perfectly why any child would be lucky to be adopted by you.
This is just the hardest decision ever, and I am going to be honest and say I would be a lot like you in the decision making department. A crystal ball would be helpful if they really existed but since they do not, we will all keep praying for you. When you get down to it, it is a win win situation for either child to get adopted by your family. I hope and pray the other one gets as lucky too!
HUGS
April 21st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Dang. That is not a choice I envy. You are going to make the right one though. Because you are who you are - a wonderfully self aware, compassionate, thoughtful, and sensitive wife, mother, and woman.
And your dog? You need a sling to carry that pup around. Maybe a Peanut Shell or a Hotsling?
April 21st, 2008 at 2:14 pm
you wrote: There is no fault to be laid. And I thought “typical, even now, she’s trying to lay something” Hurry up July.
ok seriously, babe. I know how much you want this and I know you’ll get exactly the kid who needs you the most. You are more powerful than you know.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Oh I wish I had the magic answer for you - or at least some freakin’ useful advice but I don’t EXCEPT to say - I know you will make the best decision, I just know it.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I can only agree with Kay of # 14
I’ve made loads of big decisions in my life without thinking them all through… With a few exceptions I managed to make the right choices even if a few of them were not what you’d call well-informed. Crystal ball or tea leaves would maybe have been good at times - but most often a gut feeling is all we have to fall back on.
You’ll make the right decision.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Do you get to meet both the children? Or would that be worse?
April 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Frack.
That is a tough decision that is SOOOO personal. I don’t know what I would do in a situation like that.
Although for myself personally, I think coping with the physical disability would be easier for me than mental disability simply because of witchypoo’s statement. But that is just an uneducated guess based on how our household runs.
See?! Here I am just hanging out in your comments section, not even the one making the call and I feel like crap that I have made any sort of preference known between the two of them. How you are expected to make this call is staggering to me!
Gah!
My heart totally goes out to you on this one. I am glad you are doing it, though. I think that we have waited too long to have another baby since our bug died and my heart has hardened a lot more than it had to because of it.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Have you met either of them? Can you? We’ve adopted 2 kids and are working on a third and when I met each of them I just knew he was meant to be ours. I honestly thought our third adoption would be a girl but the universe had other plans. I also thought our third would be around five. Vasi’s 13. Trust the universe. Adoption is bigger than all of us
Good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 4:18 pm
what an immense decision. as a fellow non-maker of decisions, I can’t imagine how you’ll decide. good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I think your caseworker should take solace in the fact that you haven’t yet put the decision out to your readers.
Of course, if you did want our opinion…
I say take whoever needs you more, because I know your heart is that big.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:26 pm
No words of wisom; just confidence that it will all work out the way it’s meant to be.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
This is another prime opportunity for me to tell you how much I admire you.
Seriously. I think you’re wonderful.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I’ve adopted twice and all I can say is — you’ll get the one you’re supposed to.
I know it sounds like adoption voodoo, but I’m a believer!
Good luck.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:42 pm
so hard. but whatever decision you make will be the right one. and you will be an awesome mama. all 95-pounds of you
April 21st, 2008 at 6:05 pm
longtime lurker delurking
I know you didn’t ask but I would choose the child with the severe mental handicaps. Imo he is the one in greater need, many would shy away from the challenge but between your big heart and your wonderful family I think he would just thrive. Much love to you whatever you decide…
April 21st, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Trust yourself. I’m sure you will make the right decision.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:29 pm
What an incredibly difficult decision to make! Any child would be lucky to be adopted into your family. The love you have for your children fairly leaps off the screen in your posts. I admire you so much for that. Good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I am a new reader and discovering so much about you and the first thing is your heart is so big and I am sure which ever child you choose will be a perfect choice.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Oh, my heart is in my mouth. I am so excited for you, but I also feel your agony in trying to decide.
You will make it work well, whichever child you choose. Best of luck and a big hug,
Jelly XO
April 21st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I can’t imagine how hard this decision is. I’m confident that whomever you choose will be a wonderful addition to your family though. I do kind of think meeting them, or seeing photos might help you feel your way through. Good luck!
April 21st, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Either child would be so blessed to have your family as his/hers. I’ve always felt that if I had unlimited resources I would adopt as many children as I could. I believe there is no greater love in the world than to love an unloved child. You will be in my prayers.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Wow. I can’t believe you are in this situation. All I can do is wish you the best possible outcome, whatever that may be. Good luck.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Oh, T, you are in my prayers. What a tough decision. I know what choice I would make, I think, but you all need to make yours. Peace be with you. Good luck.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you come to your decision.We have an adopted son - though he was 13 months old and the first people the adoption agency chose - declined him because of his age (not newborn or young enough and maybe other stuff).
We said yes before we even set eyes on him and then they kept asking us were we sure ? We were.
It is a very hard decision to bring a non biological child into your life and more so to chose child a or b and adding their unique special needs as a bonus . I can’t imagine making a choice either I would feel for one I didn’t chose unless I knew they had a mommie too.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I’d want them both too!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I have no words of wisdom like the ladies who commented before.
I second what everyone said & send my love & prayers.
Oh, wait, I do have advice- pistachio, butter pecan or some Chubby Hubby ice cream. Sounds yummy, huh?
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:15 am
Babe, what a choice. I am sitting here thinking which would I choose, yeah, we went the whole have another baby/adopt so Boo would have a playmate - I am pretty certain that if we had another child he/she would be ‘worse’ than Boo - but decided against it purely on my ability to care for them both.
Boo is on the severe end of Autism and a shiteload of other bits and bobs to boot. He is able bodied. But the good thing about his level of ‘functioning’ is that he has no idea if he is being picked on or teased and doesn’t give a rats arse if you like him or not. Which makes him all the more loveable. And bastard children that ridicule others can’t hurt him. If any of that makes sense…
But then there is the other child. You could have a conversation…
I say both. Just tell Boo they are conjoined twins.
Fat lot of good I am huh?
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:47 am
I can’t even begin to imagine how you make this choice. The guilt I would feel at choosing one over the other would be enormous, after adopting a rabbit I lay awake at night thinking about all the poor little buns I had rejected that were still at the shelter! I would want them both too.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:19 am
sometimes getting a choice in matters is brutal. but if you can’t have both, i’m with the person who said go with the child you think needs you most, the child whose needs you can give the most to…and then close your eyes and plug your nose and don’t look back.
how lucky that child will be to be so loved.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:01 am
I can’t tell you who to love - that obviously has to be a decision for you and yours. But from my experience as a person who comes from a family of people who tend to be both Gifted and ‘Special Needs’ *and* as someone who has been in charge of hundred of ‘Special Needs’ kids in the public schools, I would urge you to consider this:
People often think that being smart and witty means that you will be able to work out your problems on your own pretty easily, that you aren’t in as much need of help and understanding as a person ‘with less resources’.
I suspect you know that this is not necessarily (or even commonly) the case. Especially for a smart and witty person with greater than average challenges in other areas of their life. Being smart and witty means that you are even more aware of limitations and pressures and complications, and more likely to chafe at them and be warped by them. Having an active imagination is great - except that it also gives you more fodder for fears and anxieties and misunderstanding.
Lots of parents can love a child and care for a child who has special needs - especially needs that are fairly basic and straightforward. But a parent who is smart and observant enough to sense when a clever child is ‘covering’, a parent who is empathetic enough to be able to put herself in that child’s head and understand what that child might be feeling and thinking, and imaginative enough to be able to posit what that child’s reactions to those feelings and thoughts might be (and head them off at the pass)… that sort of parent is not so common.
Bright kids problems tend to be more complex and subtle - and the long term consequences of neglecting those issues can be much greater. Studies of kids with Aspergers Syndrome, for instance, show that long term outcomes in terms of functionality in life (being able to live independently, maintain a job, have social relationships, measures of depression, suicide rates, etc) are much *worse* for high-functioning folks than for folks who are further down on the functionality scale. These kids need parents who understand them and their less obvious issues, parents who don’t need everything spelled out to them.
Parents who are smart and have faced challenges, themselves.
Just something to think about…
Good luck - and remember that there is no Wrong choice here. You will be both blessed and a blessing no matter what your decision is. This is a good thing!
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:52 am
Your family’s decision will be the right one for all of you, of that I am certain. Which decision is it to be, I wish I had a crystal ball or the insight to tell you what is right, but I don’t have any answers, just good wishes that everything will work out. You have a wonderful soul and loving heart and it is apparent that any child that is welcomed into your family is blessed and so very lucky.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:00 am
How healthy are they both? Which one NEEDS you the most? I have a physically perfect, handsome son..with autism and developmental delays who will probably never live away from us. I have an acquaintance with a mentally gifted son in a disabled body. Each of us envies the other’s kid - for different reasons!
Which of the kidlets has the potential to live independently some day (or with an assistant) and which is more likely to be with you forever??? I do not envy you the choice - it is a hard one! maybe you are meant to have both???? Whichever kidlet you pick - that will be one lucky kid!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
Congratulations and good luck. I’m with you, take both!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:28 am
I wish I had a crystal ball for you to borrow! No words of wonderful wisdom, everybody has beat me to it. I can only say, either child will be lucky to get you as a mother. My thoughts are with you and your Boo as you make this decision. Congratulations on making it this far.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:28 am
I was going to say flip a coin, but that’s been ruled out. On a serious note, good luck with your decision. I’m sure you’ll make the decision that is right for you. Not that you need my internet assurance, but still. Let me know when alcohol becomes a necessary component to the situation, because I am awesome at sending wine.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:09 am
I am sending you positive thoughts during this difficult part of the adoption process. Whichever child you pick - is the right one. I know I am making it sound so simple, but it is true. Any child would fit perfectly in a loving family such as yours.
All my best to you.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:04 am
I would seriously rethink flipping a coin. This would be the only way I would be able to choose.
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I’ll let you borrow my magic 8 ball. It helped me decide whether or not to have another baby and we both know how GREAT that’s going so far.
In all seriousness, hon, you’ll make the right decision. This is a child, not grapes or a car. I think you know which one you want just trust yourself.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Why don’t you take each child on paper and see how you would plan out a normal day and what would be involved.
Write down what care the child would need. What about physical therapy would you have to go to PT or have someone visit your home to do it? Will they need speech- that is another trip. Are they going to need to see specialist on a regular basis- more trips aand lots of advocating. See how that would fit in with the kids you have now and what you need to do every day.
Would you be up a lot at night for care? Would the child be medically fragile and need frequent trips to the hospital and unpleasant therapies and treatments you were now responsible for? Special needs are fine with me but I found I didn’t like being the bad guy and enforcing medical treatment they didn’t like. Could you spend days or weeks at a time in the hospital with a sick child? Who can cover for you at home? What types of help and programs do the government offer for this child and are they available to you.
It sounds like you are way out somewhere in Canada. Are you near a hospital or hospitals for the type of care the child will need? What kind of schools do you have? If school does not work out would you home school? Do your local schools take children with mental or physical problems? How house friendly is your home for handicapped children. You can carry a baby or toddler around but what about when they get older and heavier.
Do either of the kiddos have behavior problems or reactive attachment disorders? A nice kid is a lot easier to take care of regardless of what is wrong with them. When I adopted my daughter the first few weeks she pretty much sat and stared but she was a sweet little thing and I thought if that was all she did it was good enough for me. She ended up being wonderful and fine (just a bit stunned at first) but I know people with kids who have major behavior problems and it was is hard to find schools to take them and hard on the entire family dealing with constant behavior problems.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Well, when this is all said and done, I nominate YOU to write the Adoption for Dummies manual.
I’m right there with you. Again. Waiting on a communist country (CHINA - not Canada!) to tell me when I can GET. MY. BABY!
Do you ever look at these children and wonder who Bug would have chosen as a sibling?
Just wondering.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I’m another lurker finally delurking.
I cannot imagine how hard a choice this is for you and your family. I do agree with MAP (Post 52) in that you should plan out a normal day for each child, do it for today and also do it for 10 years down the line.
You have a wonderful family and you also have to realistically consider what would be the impact of having to make frequent trips to the hospital while Fric and Frac are at school and Boo is away on business.
I admire your strength and know that you will make the right decision. You are in my prayers
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Good Lord, what advice to offer? Absolutely freaking none. Good luck with this decision. I’d say May the Force Be With You, but you know, that’s kind of corny…
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
oh honey, you’re trying to find a fit for your family.
this isn’t sophie’s choice. you’re not sending one to die.
be easier on yourself, because mommy’s gotta lotta love to give and she’s gonna start unwittingly picking up strays and vagrants with all of that oozy love.
check your back, girl.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Good God! Have I seen you wheeling your dog in one of those pink strollers at West Ed? I’m quite sure all dogs in strollers are also wearing nappies so they don’t shit and run all that ,lovely pink material.
You are faced with quite the choice. I have no words of wisdom, I only know that I admire the strength of you, your husband and children.
And the never ending snow? It’s kicking me in the ass. Over and over.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:16 am
I’ll bet as I’m opening my kitchen window to let the warm, wonderful breeze waft in, you’re outside in your parka shoveling snow.
HA.
Good luck making a decision, T. I know it’s hard…but you guys will pick the right fit for your family. All of you.
Even the dog.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 am
My Katie is severely mentally handicapped but what I didn’t understand, what she’s taught me is that, despite that mental handicap, she is also funny, intuitive and very intelligent. Which sounds so at odds with a mental handicap. So constantly surprises me. She is tenacious. Recently she has figured out how to use the the work “Ask” and now she tells me in sign to “phone dad and ask” ask what? Ask to go to the mall. I never thought she’d get this far and now she’s got me phoning her father to “ask”. Doesn’t sound so big when I write it out but it’s big, trust me.
Katie rides with another little girl who is severely physically handicapped but her mind is not nearly so damaged as Katie’s. Emily is a pistol. When you ask her how she is, she smiles and yells, “Perfect”, one day she was “Extra perfect!”.
So how to you decide? Not a fucking clue. Sorry.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Just want to wish you good luck.
My only hesitation is that I know that as soon as you adopt you’ll likely write less. Being addicted to your blog, that makes me a little bit sad. Nevertheless, I will be happy for you.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Oh, I wouldn’t wish this decision for anyone. But, like others, I know that the decision will be the right one when it happens.
And they are going to be freakin’ lucky to have you!
April 24th, 2008 at 8:35 am
xo. Anne
April 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Whoever you choose, T, will be amazing. I can’t wait to meet your new little munchkin.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
If you can’t flip a coin, why not try drawing a name out of a hat?
Seriously, my heart goes out to you and I know you and your family will end up with the “right” child.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Holy crap! What a decision. I’m a horrible decision maker too, I hear ya about buying grapes.
I’m a long time lurked de-lurking to send my best decision making vibes your way. Wait, maybe you don’t want my crappy decision making vibes. Maybe I can find an excellent decision maker and get them to send some mojo your way. Good luck! I can’t wait to hear about your decision!
April 26th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
OMG, the pooch in the diaper is beautiful. That is the most awesome pic.
Oh honey, I hope your house is all a-buzz with a new family member soon. You’re one helluva mum.
April 30th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I constantly flip back and forth about having another baby… the adoption process, while invasive and exhausting, was so awesome in it’s own weird way… I keep seeing a 4th child in this house… my husband keeps seeing me in a straight-jacket.