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To All the Kick Ass Maternal Queens Out There
I’ve been in hiding these past few days.
The government is looking for me. Something about duct tape, small children and turning the ceiling fan on high.
Apparently, they have no sense of ha ha. They call it “Inappropriate parental behaviour“, I like to think it is just another ride over at the Redneck House of Horrors Carnival.
Heh.
It is all about perspective. And what side of the law you sit on. Heh.
I’m off to spend the day hiding from playing with my children and pretending to be the maternal queen I am.
Bow down to me, my servants subjects and honor me. It is my day. I’ve earned it after countless months of gestating your nine pound arses, squeezing you out of my delicate flower parts and letting you attack my nipples like a puppy with a chew toy.
Not to mention all the years I’ve provided maternal services with a smile.
Heh.
Here’s to all the mother’s in the world. May your day be worth all the times you’ve had to wipe up vomit, cleaned up scads of scat and kissed skinned knees.
I know I’ll enjoy it.
I plan on making my children call me “Her Majesty” for the entire day.
Happy Mother’s Day.
May 11th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 8:56 am
you, you amazing, beautiful, mothering soul of a mother, you.
and wtf. email me already.
May 11th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Happy Mother’s Day to you as well. Hope you have a fantastic day full of being waited on and pampered.
May 11th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Happy Mother’s Day!!!
May 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Right back at ya!
May 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Happy Mother’s Day! I was driving home from visiting my mother in a local small town yesterday and passed a church that had this message on their billboard. “On your knees is the best position!” Being the profane person that I am, I immediately thought of you and how you would appreciate that sign and how I am sure your husband thinks that is the best position as well. I almost turned around and took a picture to send you and then I thought, OMG, get a life and stop thinking about blogs. And here I am telling you about it. I hope this doesn’t mean I have no life.
May 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Mrs. Who -
I think I love you. But not on my knees.
Ree - You awesome thing, you - Happy, Happy Mothers Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Happy mom’s day to you, too! I am hoping to be done - for this first child, anyhow - with the poop, not have too much more vomit, and to be permitted to kiss skinned knees. Next kid? Well, we’ll see what that one’s like, hey?
May 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Happy Mother’s Day Tanis!
May 11th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Have a great Mom’s Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
That cartoon cracks me up.
Happy Mothers Day!
May 11th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
All I had wanted for Mother’s Day was two hours alone, to get a frigging pedicure and lunch without having someone spill shit on me.
That did not happen today. A stomach virus happened instead. Thank you very much, Gods of Irony.
Happy Mother’s day to you, though.
May 11th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Who says you AREN’T a maternal queen?
Not me, that’s for sure.
May 11th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
happy mothers day !
May 11th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Happy Mothers Day my lovely!
Hope your day was as awesome as mine, highly unlikely as I had NINJA serve me breakfast. Betcha you can’t beat that.
Wonder if the government will be after me now, you know for the whole force my children to dress as Ninja and serve me and stuff… Shhhhh don’t tell em K?
May 12th, 2008 at 4:18 am
Happy Mothers Day YOUR MAJESTY!
May 12th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I have crowned myself Empress Betch.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Happy Mother’s Day, T.
I hope it was a good one (i.e. revenge-duct-tape-less)
May 12th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Your Majesty indeed.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Hope your day was awesome, Your Majesty.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Happy Mother’s Day to an extra-special mom.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Happy Mother’s Day, you mutha, you.
(And I owe you an email but the baby is eating my brain. Haven’t forgotten though!)
May 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am
i’m bowing
happy mother’s day!
May 12th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Happy Mother’s Day, lover.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Happy belated mother’s day, T! U R fabulous, dahling!
May 14th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I was really hoping I’d get an email with some RM Bewb Shots just special for mother’s day.
What the hell are you doing with your bewb shots? Giving them to your husband? Who the hell does he think he is?
*ahem*
What I meant was, Happy Belated Mother’s Day, You Awesome Woman, You.