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The Road to Bangability
I used to feel I would be ugly forever.
That may have had something to do with my brother Stretch always telling me that I was the geekiest loser out in the world as he sat on my chest and threatened to gob a loogey in my eye.
Big brother always had a certain charm about him.
Heh.
Thank heavens we grew up and moved away from one another. There are only so many times I could dump a jug of grape KoolAid over his head after he picked on me before he either killed me or my parents tossed us both to the curb.
As a grown up, I finally am comfortable with my crooked nose, my weak chin and my pointy ears.
I think the difference is not so much in how I look, but in how I feel about myself. Well, that and my brother no longer sits on me while telling me what twerp I am as I try to avoid the dangling spit above my face.
I missed out on my sexy twenties. Popping out Fric when I was just shy of 21 and then her brother 13 months later, I never had the chance to strut my young and nubile new body for the world. I was too busy potty training and washing off the crayon murals they had so thoughtfully coloured on their walls for me.
It wasn’t until I hit the big 3-0 that I had a chance to really discover who I was. As both a mom, a wife and a woman. I never really thought I would like who I was so imagine being slapped up the side of the head with a brick when I realized I not only liked who I had become, but I appreciated how I looked.
Well, how I looked with clothes on anyways. The pasty white reflection from my spreading thighs still sort of blinds me which I suppose is a good thing when you’re riddled with stretch marks and you have to jack up your boobs with fishing line tied on your nipple rings to your ears.
(The real reason I got the boob jewellery…makes it real easy to pretend I’m still perky. Heh.)
So when my good lady friend Julie asked me when I thought I was my most bangable I didn’t have to think long and hard to answer that question.
It certainly wasn’t in my late teens or early twenties. I wasn’t comfortable in my new grown up body to even appreciate what little nature had bestowed on me. If it wasn’t for the hormones and raging all consuming lust I had for Boo, I doubt I’d have ever gotten naked unless it was to shower.
Behold the sex drive of hormonal adults in the first stages of love. My back still hurts from thinking of all the um, exercise we had as we tried out our adult parts with one another.
While Boo and I could barely keep our clothes on for ten minutes when ever we were together back then, I certainly didn’t feel sexy. Horny, yes, sexy no.
Fast forward a few years into my mid to late twenties and I was starting to feel better about myself. I had learned a new appreciation for my body after I watched it expand to the point of bursting with over 100 pounds of baby weight. After months of not being able to see my toes or not being able to fit behind the wheel of my van, I was thrilled to be back to a normal weight.
I mean, for four months I outweighed my husband by over forty pounds. SEXXXY.
But it wasn’t until I had reached the big 3-0 that I finally started to feel womanly. Like I wasn’t some awkward teen playing dressup and pretending to be a grown up.
There have been some missteps to my quest to find my sexy self. Some involve bad hair cuts, some a dumbass purchase of decidedly unflattering mom jeans and maybe a few bad costumes for the a themed birthday party here or there.
Of course, there are moments when I’m decidedly unbangable. Moments when I’m knee high in the manure of raising small children. Moments when my mommy hat is on so tight it threatens to choke out the very existence of my inner Tanis.
Somehow though, those moments don’t happen very often. I don’t know if it’s from my inept maternal instincts which are about as keen as a blind man’s ability to drive straight on the freeway or if it’s due to all the boob grabbing my husband does when he’s home that reminds me I’m more than just a mom.
I’m a wife legally obligated to put out now and then to earn my keep.
Heh.
Still, with every hurdle I’ve jumped, from child birth to burial; from lusty couch sex to the old ‘hurry up and finish already’ married sex, I’m starting to feel more myself. More comfortable in the skin I’m in.
I no longer feel the need to slap on the war paint or spend hours primping at the mirror while fussing with my hair to feel good about myself. I don’t need to shimmy into a push up bra or tight jeans to feel hot.
Although, as everything slowly expands or loses elasticity, it sure can help. I’m confident, not delusional.
It is just the more time I spend getting to know myself and surrounding myself with people who love me and support me, the better I feel about who I am and how I look.
Of course, it helps that my brother is no longer following around taunting me about my knobby knees and bad hair. Now I have my children to do that for him.
Damn.
It took a long time, a few children, a loving husband and the responsibility of real life, but I finally grew up, grew out and into my skin.
I’m definitely more bangable now.
If only I wasn’t too exhausted to enjoy it and my husband wasn’t 400 miles away every damn night.
Double damn.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Awesome !! I was thinking the other day how I didn’t appreciate the body I had when I was younger, was to inept to know what to do with it. And now….now that it’s gone (damn kids took it) I really want it back. Is there someone I can call about this theft?
Seriously, I have been on a diet/workout kick to try to find at least some semblence of my former self… a work in progress.
Kudos to you for feeling comfy in your own skin, I’m still working on that.
Maybe it’s because I am single and feel like I have to look totally hot to attract Mr Right. It’s tough competition out there I tell ya… tough!!!
Have a great day girl! Love reading you.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
There’s something to be said for the sexiness that confidence imparts. A good lesson for our daughters.
Thanks for playing, gorgeous.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:31 am
You’re gorgeous inside and out. I love your blog and your sense of humor. But hey, I don’t swing that way, so don’t start getting ideas.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:36 am
i, too, am finding myself at my most bangable right now…lines and creases and all
May 12th, 2008 at 11:39 am
you. are. beautiful.
and bangable. wait, that totally sounds WRONG.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I love this post and your pics.
We only get better (and more bonkable) with age.
Chicka bow wow….
May 12th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Ok, this sounds like a total groupie thing to say…but you are really very lovely.
It’s quite encouraging to hear women who say it gets better, not worse. And just because I’m a mom, doesn’t mean I’m doomed to a life of being undesirable! Thanks!
May 12th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
This post is great. I have been a lurker for a while and really enjoy reading your blog. I just have to say “I understand”. I hope that one day I get to the point that I am comfortable in my own skin. I am in the stage of early twenty’s kid popping. So I am not in the bangable stage just yet, but you give me hope that I will be there sometime in my life. Thanks for the great post!
May 12th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Wow, this is a fantastic post. It’s such a struggle to be happy with ourselves the way we are, when so often we’re shown what we “should” be. I’m constantly trying to be more comfortable in my own skin. I want to be my most bangable now, too!!!
May 12th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I’d do you in a heart beat. And I don’t even dig girls.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
After meeting you in person I’d say you are quite the bangable woman
May 12th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Jeebus. 400 miles away. I don’t know if I could do that.
If you ask me, you were ALWAYS bangable. You just didn’t know it yet.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I married the only guy I ever dated. I asked the JA*ss when in our 16 years together I was most bangable. He told me to come on in the bedroom and find out if it’s today.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Dearheart,
Are you aware May is SexyMamaBlog? Isn’t that a good topic for the merry month of May? The world is dying to have you share your insights about sexy mama-ing.
Take care,
Jae
May 12th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I think I’ll just leave all the “yeah you’re totally bangable” comments to the ladies today.
Because I’m smart.
On a different note, I am also feeling at my most bangable now: I’m past my skinny-but-inexplicably-athletic teen years, which involved 7 knees and 18 elbows and 4 adam’s apples; I’m also past my puffy, overweight, drinking-too-much-and-eating-too-much-and-sitting-too-much 20’s. My daughte was born, I turned 30, I dropped the baby weight and now I’m just hawt.
With Ryan Reynolds abs. Somewhere.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I’m happily married for almost 13 years and can say that you - redneck mommy - are very good looking (and like the Backpacking Dad - I’ll keep the bangable comments to the ladies for obvious reasons).
Your comment about “growing into your skin” is exactly how I feel about my dear wife - she’s far hotter now than she was when we met 15 years ago - and I thought she was very hot the.
May 12th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Great post! I wish I were more comfortable in my skin…I’m getting there, just not totally there yet!
May 12th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I’d honestly have to say I was more bangable in my early twenties - physically - everything was just held together better then.
But at 35 I’d like to think I’ve developed a different kind of self confidence - even though the parts might night be in the same places I’m just better at knowing what to do with them
May 12th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Total hotness… And they say men get sexier as they get older.
Whatever.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
The sexiest part of this whole thing is how well you express yourself. But those pics ain’t bad either and thank GOD you can’t see me licking the screen. I licked the last one the most.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
You are, indisputably, gorgeous. Inside and out.
xoxox
May 12th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Oh, I KNOWS ur hawt.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Okay Redneck Mommy, you have hit a nerve with me on this post along with some of the comments. I think everyone, woman and men, goes through the stages of life trying to figure out who they are. In our teens we wanted to be popular and run with the cool crowd. The twenties were about careers, marriage, having kids, after college and too many weekends we can’t remember. Yes the thirties were good, but like you, I started figuring out who I was. Wow, the forties hit and I have never been happier.
As we all get older, everything starts to sag - even for men… But the beautiful thing about it is, we are all in this boat together (unless you can afford plastic surgery). I sometimes hear men comment that his wife if overweight, her boobs sag to much, her ass is sagging, and stretch marks have ruined her body. HEY GUYS WAKE UP AND USE YOUR HEAD, THE ONE THAT IS ABOVE YOUR SHOULDERS, TO DO YOU THINKING FOR YOU. When I hear comments like this, I really want to kick the shit out of these men and have. They have no idea the gift they have in their wife. Just remember guys, if you think your wife body is sagging, just remember she is responsible for the most important part of a parents life, your kids. Also, go look in the damn mirror and tell me that you look the same when you were 20, 30, or even 40. If you tell me you look the same I will laugh my ass off.
If any woman reads my comment, I want you to understand this, that sexy is more than the physical appearance. Confidence, brains, independence, and the ability to be who you are the traits that are sexy to me. So ladies, be who you are, confident, and the sexiness will shine through. Redneck Mommy you are a sexy woman in more ways than you think.
I count my blessings everyday for my healthy children, a woman that I love dearly, and that I am very comfortable who I am.
As for the sex thing, damn it is a lot better now, then when I was 20.
I will leave all the “bangable” comments to the ladies.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Word up, agreed: totally bangable (that’s not creepy for me to say, is it?)
May 12th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
The older I get the better I like me. In my 20’s I was striving to please the world, my 30’s were spent pleasing husband and children, 40’s were devoted to paying for said children to attend college….50’s? It’s me baby, all about me and guess what? I like ME!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Dude, I know the whole point was that your all grown up and old (ish) and still hot but you look SO YOUNG in that last picture! And totally hot!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I’d totally do you. If I was like a guy or into that sorta thing. But I can appreciate can’t I?
I feel sexier now than ever and I am fat. Or so my freaking Mii on the Wii Fit tells me. She is all fat and depressed.
But not me. Thirties are awesome. They are the I feel like a Goddess years. Well, because we are!
May 13th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Funny I just wrote the other day about my ever changing body and even though I’m not skinny skinny anymore least my husband still loves me even if sometimes I look in the mirror and think wth is up with that ! I think you look great mostly in the newer ones , young girls just think they are all that but us older momma’s really are , right ? haha
May 13th, 2008 at 8:46 am
hehe..interesting.. bt u r definitely right when you say ts more bout the way one feels rather than actually looks.. kudos for that
May 13th, 2008 at 9:03 am
T, this was a fabulous post. and i relate totally…only in my thirties did i learn to FEEL hot, to be at ease in my own skin.
and, this goes without saying, but…i’d do ya.
i’ll take a number.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:14 am
My husband claims I am more beautiful today than the day we got married. Of course he is always horny nowadays, so I wnder if it is just hope speaking. I am more comfortable now than way back when.
And yeah I am with the rest, totally bangable!
Have a wonderful day. And with all the compliments how could you not.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am
“One Hot Momma” by Trace Adkins comes to mind after reading your post!
May 13th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I was just thinking about this the other day - so much more bangable now - and by that I mean both of us!
May 13th, 2008 at 11:44 am
You are true beauty, in every sense of the word.
Miss you, friend. Thinking of you - hope all is well at your end.
xoxo
May 13th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Sigh. I keep waiting for this confidence that people say 30 will bring. But you? Definitely bangable…then and now.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I think it is great that we start a new trend instead of looking back, sighing and wishing we had the looks we did when we were 20, to stand back, look at ourself at 40 and say “Damn, you rock!”
Yes I turned 40 today. Humor me.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Glad to hear you are happily bangable now.
After seeing the pics I would have to agree.
I always told Mrs Joe she was at her most bangable after the kids as well. Too bad she decided to start banging someone else.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
GORRRRRRRRRJ! I loved this post…
May 13th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
et tu, RM?
you are so damn gorgeous. it’s amazing to me that you don’t know it.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:15 am
T,
Being the Philistine that I am, I will just say “Totally bangable” as respectfully as I can.
GF
May 14th, 2008 at 6:47 am
I only shack up with bangable women, so you know how I feel about you.
Rwar.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Um ahem scuse me. But I have seen you. I have touched you. I cannot imagine you ever NOT being hot.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
The older and more stretched out my skin gets, the better I feel. Right on.
The black and white shot of you? Amazing. Not to often does who you are come out in a picture. It did in that one.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Was my husband in your delivery room? Because that photo sure looks like one he took of me.
You are totally hawt! The 30s are ever so much better than the 20s.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I do really love the black and white of you.
If I ever turn 30 I’m sure I’ll love it. Right now I’m getting extra experience in my late 20s. Again and Again
May 16th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I think your bee-u-ti-ful. Give yourself more credit woman!
May 18th, 2008 at 9:51 am
damn, honey.
May 20th, 2008 at 9:31 am
In elementary school I was known as “wonder dog”, it ruined my self esteem and I still struggle to like myself. I have been told I am pretty (In my 20’s) but I never saw it. Now that I am in my early 30’s. I still don’t like myself to much. I know that if I started working out or doing something besides studying(working on masters in special education) I would probably like myself better. I tell myself that this summer I will continue running or hiking.
I am hoping after I finish my master’s I will start liking myself better, I will feel more educated and confident about my abilities to be a mom and wife. I’m hoping my later 30’s will bring me the confidence to like myself more.
I agree with not so bangable about waiting for the 30’s to bring the confidence, I might just be a late bloomer!!
May 20th, 2008 at 9:31 am
In elementary school I was known as “wonder dog”, it ruined my self esteem and I still struggle to like myself. I have been told I am pretty (In my 20’s) but I never saw it. Now that I am in my early 30’s. I still don’t like myself to much. I know that if I started working out or doing something besides studying(working on masters in special education) I would probably like myself better. I tell myself that this summer I will continue running or hiking.
I am hoping after I finish my master’s I will start liking myself better, I will feel more educated and confident about my abilities to be a mom and wife. I’m hoping my later 30’s will bring me the confidence to like myself more.
I agree with not so bangable about waiting for the 30’s to bring the confidence, I might just be a late bloomer!!
May 20th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
So very lovely, every step of the way.
I think my 30s have been good to me too.