I’m suffering from some form of the plague.
The kind that sucks out all your energy and replaces it with copious amounts of snot to drip out your nasal cavities.
I don’t have any kleenex. And I just discovered there is no more toilet paper other than the six sheets left on the roll in the main bathroom.
I may have to resort to wiping my boogers on my sleeve or stuffing tampons up my nostrils. With my luck though, the cotton will expand and shoot out my ears, thereby pushing out what little brains I have and leaving me a lifeless, snotty zombie who drools on the couch, tugging at the string hanging from her nose.
Good times.
Please excuse me today, while I look for surfaces to wipe my mucus on. I’m thinking my husband’s pillow case looks mighty soft right now.
(There may be some slight passive aggressive tendencies I don’t really want to explore too deeply in that last sentence. Must stem from him being healthy and alone, while I’m slowly and painfully dying from some unknown rare disease while single handedly being responsible for the survival of his children.)
I’ll be back when my snot dries up. Or when I muster enough energy to drive to the store and beg the pharmacist to supply me with decongestants and kleenex. And maybe some buttwipe.
You never know when you are going to need more than six squares after all.
That’s a scenario no one wants to live through.
Feel free to entertain yourselves in the comments. Better yet, join me in my woes. Whine. Tell me your troubles. I can’t be the only gal out here in blogland whining, or at least wanting to whine. Spill it. What’s your beef?
Or you could just send me pictures of yourselves. Preferably clothed. But beggars can’t be choosers.
54 Comments
Once you restock the buttwipe, you might want to consider a neti pot. If your local pharmacy doesn’t have one, a dollar store teapot will do. Just.Like.Magic. Snotbegone.
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LOL, I second the neti pot that witchypoo mentioned. Best video on how to use one can be found here.
And oh, I am whiny today. I’m stuck in a small cinderblock office with three other people, no windows, i have my period, and must wear bluejeans due to health safety regulations. It’s as humid at hell too, btw. Good times.
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I love love love my neti pot….first sign of a sinus headache and I am all about the neti pot….because of that little genie pot i have had far fewer really bad sinus headaches!!!
Feel better Redneck Mommy!!
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Doesn’t your husband have some clean shirts you could use?
Feel better soon.
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I can’t compalin this morning as my house is NOT underwater like many of my co-workers and friends. But I will bitch that my 3-yr-old told me my legs needed a hair cut the other day. Damn you…too cute…can’t…throw out…the window…
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Like we say here in the South…bless your heart. The netipot is a real live saver and I wish I had known about them when my kids were little. The really cool thing is you can also use them for a gravy boat! Oh OK, I’m kidding about the gravy boat thing but they do look just like my Grandmas gravy boat.
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I’m gonna whine about the heat - even though I work in a/c’d cubi-hell. It’s 90 (32C to yinz up nort) here today and it’s been that way for 4 days.
Also, I just turned 40 and I’m getting fat (metabolism shut down at 39.75 years old) and my parents keep bugging me to visit them and their manipulating ways. My Ex-wife had her baby this past weekend with her new husband - joy!
Beat that, peeps!
(Still better than having the heebie-jeebies. Sorry Tanis - feel better soon!)
Jim
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(((hugs!))) Feel better soon, girl. There are many of us out there that live vicariously through your awesome stories.
I’ve got Jim beat on the weather. It’s Texas. I was happy to be able to work outside today, and tomorrow is only supposed to get up to 95. Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to it.
And then, of course, there’s the morning sickness. Yeah, your try compost top dressing 17 tomato plants in 97 degree weather while concentrating on not throwing up on the 5-, 4-, and almost 2-year-old. Beat that!!
(Actually, I’m not at all upset. I’ll take scorching heat over that freaky white stuff-snow!!-any day of the week; I’ve wanted another baby since the little one was born; and my kids were all weeding in the garden while I was working. I’m sorry. I tried to be pessimistic. I just don’t have it in me!! But I do feel very bad for you. Here’s wishing you a speedy and easy recovery!)
~Brea
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I’ve always marveled how I can be near death and still expected to get up take care of kids and hubby, but hubby can have a sneeze and need to sleep until well. Why is that?!
I’m with you though, I have some sort of crud that just won’t go away. My nose refuses to leak though, so I blow like crazy trying to get the annoying crud out. To make it worse, it is cold out (well cool anyway) and I’ve had my heater running at my desk to stay warm. So a co-worker just went and turned the AC on! Ughh
Take care, guess they need a pharmacy delivery service. Sucks to drive far when you feel like crap.
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It’s all of our stupid weather, too cold, too rainy, too blah - great way to get a gal sick. My dd has been sick since Wed. and even Dayquil/Niquil aren’t touching her… crappy. Did you see that the weather isn’t supposed to really improve?? Not a stitch of decent weather in all AB till Fri! Here I was thinking we were supposed to be getting the good stuff already
Here’s hoping your totally up on your feet and out mud bogging soon! 
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I just turned 59, my boobs are so far south they are now eye to eye with my navel, I can’t remember anything, my ability to make snap decisions is gone, my ass is huge, I can only sleep 5-6 hours a night, I can’t wear pumps without my feet killing me, it took me three years to remember my new address, I still can’t remember my new phone number, but I do have a pantry full of tissue and gobs of toilet paper! I’d complain about the heat, but I live in Arizona and it’s only gonna get worse!
Get better soon!
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i havent got anything to whine about in my life. i’m in a foreign continent for almost a year without my parents, living with just my uncle, aunt and cousin and meeting various in-laws who have come to be my family in the UK. only big dilemma is, how on earth am i going to choose between my childhood country and the UK where i have found so much warmth and joy?
damn deep thinking. i better get busy.
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and get better soon. go have a good sleep and keep off the expensive reds.
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Aw, feel better. I’m equally sick, I’m pms-ing, and it is so hot here you can’t even imagine. Being stuck in an overcrowded building filled with 16 yr olds at 90 degrees? Good times
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#2 daughter has had IT, too. The neti-pot really does help. We’ve just made the 2nd trip to the store for the giant pack of Puffs with lotion. And the heat and humidity—— OY!
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You only have 6 sheets of toilet paper and you’re worried about wiping your NOSE? Good lord, I start to worry when I get down to 6 ROLLS of toilet paper!
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My sympathies. I had that same thing last month. I’ts not fun. At all.
Let’s see if I can make you feel better by comparison. It’s 42 with the humidex. No central air. No air conditioning at all. The heat and humidity are making the VCR act funny. Yes, we have DVDs, but the local video outlet is getting rid of their VHS tapes, and having 2 functioning VCRs, I bought 13 tapes at rock bottom prices for the kids to watch. They’re hyped to watch them (Star Wars! Harry Potter! Spirited Away!) and now they can’t cause the machines are on the fritz. My swimming pool is green. It’s an algae explosion. The kids want to swim. I have a resident frog in my green pool that keeps me up nights. Well, him and the raccoon (who I think is horny). They croak/trill right outside my bedroom window. All night long. And to top it all off, I tried to teach my girls to respect nature and do a good deed by stopping the car and getting out to carry a turtle across the busy county road he was trying to cross. Fucker peed on me.
Feeling any better???
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Okay - Top 10 Alternatives to Kleenex:
1. Dinner napkins. 2. Dust rags. 3. Bandanas 4. Old onsies. 5. Hubby’s ties? 6. Old socks. 7. Paper towels 8. Swiffer wipes 9. Kid’s dress ups? 10. Old washcloths.
Hope this helps you put off a trip to the pharmacy…it should work unless you’re out of laundry detergent. If that’s the case, you’re on your own.
Good luck and feel better soon!
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Shit, do you really want to know?
I have a foot so swollen I can’t walk, but have to manage up and down the stairs anyway with an incredibly fat baby in tow.
AND I just found out I have “abnormal” cells on my cervix.
Oh, and I’m 5.5 weeks into a pregnancy following 2 miscarriages.
I may be going insane.
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I had a crappy night thanks to teenage daughter and a-hole ex, conconcting, plotting, conniving and manipulating. Almost ZERO sleep and I’m pulling a 12 hr shift today with no patience for stupid a-holes …. oh did I mention I work with mostly men yaaaaay me today.
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Oh geez - you must not have seen my blog today (that’s okay though - it’s boring and whiny - whiney - whatever) but here - I’ll give you the condensed version…
9 weeks Preggo - constant all the time nausea which is turning into afternoon/evening vomiting (TMI? I apologize. really.) my super-sensitive Preggo smelling powers have the scent of my deodorant making me gag (who knew Degree Shower Clean would be so dang NASTY?) and I’m tired of being a whiny (sp? wtf) little punk who feels like poo all the time… oh, and the best part of my day - I finally got rid of a three-day-long sinus headache to go along with the rest of me wanting to die…
they tell me it will pass… and I’m sure it will… but before I rip someone’s head off (possibly my own?) - this I don’t know…
but hey - after tonight the severe storms and tornado warnings should be gone… for a couple of days at least… and although there were 13,000 people in the greater Lansing area (or was it southern Michigan? I can’t remember) without power - they’re saying it should be restored by Wednesday… sucks to be all those people… we got lucky (so what am I bitching about again??)
ugh. I hope you feel better soon!
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ps - I really shouldn’t be bitching… we’re having temps between 80’s & 90’s - and we have electricity which means A/C and unspoiled food in the drige and freezer… shame on me! we have had severe storms for the past three days though - and only 3 fatalities in the state - as far as I’ve heard… double shame on me!
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that’s so funny. I JUST wrote a post about my allergies and my constant state of combat with them for tomorrow! ugh. It’s the worst when your fighting with your own snotty body.
Hope you feel better.
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I have an ear infection and feel like my head is going to split in two. Bad times, I tell you, bad times. Perhaps I’ve got a Greek Goddess growing in there and she just wants to get free?
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No pictures; you’re just going to have to convince me to make the 20 minutes drive to BlogHer if you want to see me.
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Oh dear. You are in a bad way. There’s nothing like an awful flu to suck all the joy out of life.
You may have not felt up to blogging much, but your commenters have been extremely entertaining! I hope they cheered you up, too.
Lots of jellylove to you my sweet
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must be something about this Alberta weather or maybe we had a chance meeting at Sobey’s or something and one of us forgot to use the cart wipes I would be using all of the stuff that is too small for the kids to wear then when you are done call Goodwill and they will come take it away. I feel your pain T
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I have a touch of some sort of nasty nausea-exhaustion bug. And The Boy threw up IN THE BATHTUB last night. Is nothing sacred!
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I feel for ya! I had it about a week ago. I was in bed for 3 days. I don’t normally get sick. But this one kicked my arse!
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I’m just working on getting rid of a cold, too - sore throat, snot, the whole works. And of course, it’s not helping the return of my voice any that I ran a street fair Saturday on a day wtih a heat alert and had to read stories out loud over traffic, nor that today I had to give presentations to three groups and then, stranded by a no-show taxi, walk the half-hour back in an EXTREME heat alert… Am totally wiped out. Know how you feel. Would be happier if I didn’t have two daycare classes to visit tomorrow for more storytimes, also a good twenty minute walk each way, at least. Gah.
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OH YEAH? Come to MY blog today. I went to the eye doctor thinking I was getting a checkup and ended up with SURPRISE EYE SURGERY! She gave me incredibly painful injections of local anesthetic IN THE INSIDE CORNER OF MY EYELID, then burned my lower “punctal ducts” (the thingies that drain excess tears into your nose/throat) shut with what looked like a soldering iron. And yes, of COURSE I posted a picture of the damage. Looks like I’m sporting two hellacious styes, I’ve got BLISTERS inside my eyelids, and they ITCH. But if they hurt this much now I don’t even want to think about how they’d feel if I was dumb enough to rub ‘em. Whiiiiiine…
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Thank goodness germs can’t travel through the screen. I’d just gotta over a nasty two week cold… and it wasn’t fun.
Despite your ill-feelings, I was wretching with laughter at your post.
Feel free to pop by and say hello to another Canadian blogger.
Carol
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OH NO…feel better! And yea, use the pillowcase.
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I totally had a sunburn when I woke up - I totally forgot to do my back - AHHHHH! - that’s my Monday bitch. Being recently sick myself, I feel for ya’ T.
Get well soon.
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My whining complaints this evening? I have 20 kindergartners that WON’T SHUT THE F UP! But I can make it for 4 more days!!
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Feel better soon! I am in the throes of the same illness. I just may follow your tampon suggestion. I don’t care if it pushes my brains out!
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Been lurking on your blog for awhile now and have finally decided to come out of hiding. First just let me say, you rock! Your blog makes my day.
On to the whining…I HATE the heat! So what happens? I start menopause early and am having the worst hot flashes and nightsweats ever. About every 20 minutes I break into a sweat that would drown a goldfish, after feeling like a blowtorch has somehow made its way into my traitor of an aging body burning me from the inside out. Oh, and it’s been 100 degrees for the past 4 days. Just shoot me now.
Hope you feel better soon!
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Sweetie bottle that snot and give it to the kids as hair wax.
God it is funny to watch them sniff it and go ‘hmmmm this smells familar’…
Email me woman, I am dying here waiting…
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I’d offer to come over and make chicken soup, but I’m off to hit up all the Shopper’s Drug Marts in the Niagara Region and see if I can get my hands on a neti pot.
Feel better soon!
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First off, Redneck Mommy, you rock.
Secondly, all the whining is about pregnancy and menopause!
Just to change things up, I just finished three years of law school, racking up 98K of debt, I’m supposed to be studying for the bar exam, but I have suddenly hit a massive wall of depression that makes me have zero motivation because I don’t care about the bar exam, I don’t care about being a lawyer, and I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life!
Good times.
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Ok, I can’t complain too much. I am in the process of trying to get preggers after having twins 14 months ago. I know, I must be crazy right? What can I say? I want a girl…I know I’m just begging for trouble. I got kinda queasy (sp? not sure at the moment) in the shower this morning but won’t be able to test until next week. The heat is killing me here in VA. Had a few storms last night but nothing major. No flooding here in the mountains…YAY!! I have to say I loved the pic of the view from your porch. I would love to see that everyday. I hope you get to feeling better. I’ve had sinus problems since I was little so I feel your pain. I hope everything’s going good with the adoption!! Best wishes for a speed recovery!!
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That was a funny post!:) No matter how ill you are you always manage to make me laugh:) I hope you feel better soon though!
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Hey, join the whining club. Jump in the whining pool — the water’s fine! I’m trying to curtail my whining by taking my sister Jacquie’s advice: Be the Buddah. Here, look:
http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2008/06/be-buddha.html
Hey, it might help…..
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Ooh, do make sure all your blogs are safely saved on your computer, so one day, when your kids are parents themselves and wonder what it was like for their mom to be a parent you can let them read about it. I love your writing and sense of humour.
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I am pissed when a doctor gives you a life saving medicine in my case, insulin, and tells you to see them in 30 days but the med only lasts 25. And it turns out it is the ONLY insulin you HAVE to have a prescription.
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Here’s my whine list:
I turn 40 in August.
It is hot and humid here in West TN. The upstairs central unit has to run all day to keep the temperature below 76.
My aunt’s dog died yesterday, as did my late-husband’s great-aunt. I probably won’t be able to attend the funeral in Rhode Island.
I had to show my 10 year old daughter how to use a sanitary napkin yesterday. I also learned yesterday that my “net nanny” isn’t doing the job. The evidence: a pop-up on DD10’s computer featuring a dancing spangle-wearing ho.
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It’s like you just issued a divin blessing to whine upon me!
Where should I start…I turned 36 saturday and no one in my family remembered, I spent the day moving a coworkers stuff and our UFC hosts canceled on us, we decided to go to the movies instead and missed the first representation, decided to have dinner and go for the second and missed that one too.
Sunday it was cold and clowdy, I woke up with a hangover from my coworkers home made wine and we learned that we would be homeless
( read living in a trailer behind the information center) for the whole month of July, the SPCA charges 20$ a day for dog boarding and my son ate the last of the rabbit’s carrotes so I had to go to the grocery store at 8:45 pm.
Apart from that I have been snotty and getting nose bleeds ever since we moved to AB but I try not to complain because my son no longer gets asthma attacks since we moved. I feel old and tired and I miss my best girl Amy.
Love your stories hope you feel better soon and BTW tampons don’t swell up that much when you put them in your nostrils… ( read the part about nose bleeds ) Thanks for sharing. Danielle
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I think I might win this particular round -
I’ve been having menstrul cramps and bleeding for six (count em, SIX) weeks. No, I did not just give birth (never have had any live births…). There is absolutely no reason for my body to be doing this. Four doctors visits, seven prescriptions and countless bleed thrus later, I’m still going strong.
Oh yeah, and I’m 21 and fairly newly married. Newly married enough that being told to abstain from sexual activity with my husband (because it could be causing more problems) is F-ING TORTURE!!!
So I’m sorry about your cold. But damn it - who do I have to bleed on to get some answers?!
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I meant to correct the spelling of menstrual. Ooops!
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Pfftffffttt.
3 weeks ago when we cam back from Las Vegas I got the flu and a double infection in my ears and throat. Not so fun, but to top it off I was 12 weeks pregnant and not keeping anything down so I was put on bed-rest for 3 days and could not take any of the antibiotics - so I am still getting over the ear and throat part of the problem.
Being on bed rest with a 2 year old and an equally sick husband is. not. possible. Ever. Dumb. Idea. From. the. Hot. Doctor.
Tonight I go work a 13 hour night shift at the hospital. Fun times hey?
What high school/jr. high did you go to in the city did you go to? There seriously can not be that many Tanis’s out there could there…???
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I am with ya…. I have a head cold turned chest cold and I am blowing my nose and coughing up crap every few minutes.
Hope you feel better soon!
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I have to sleep with you for three whole days. I have to fly out on a plane to SanFran all by myself and leave my kid at home. I have to go to a conference with a bunch of other women who write about their lives on the internet. WAH WAH WAH.
The ticket has been bought I AM ON MY FRIGGIN WAY. No way out. Bummer.
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hope you’re feeling better by now, t.
as it happens, i did just post a picture of myself — clothed — today.
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I was up all night with my dog (soul mate)– a 165 lb St. Bernard. After developing ridiculous hot spots (leaking pus and ooze) I went to the basement and got ‘The Cone’ to put around his neck prohibiting him from biting at his sores until we could get him to the vet the next morning.
I was up all night.
Husband and other dog snored. St. Bernard panted and panted and crashed into walls as “The Cone” is the size of a large overstuffed beanbag and prohibits him from fitting through a doorway. After whining to my husband to shut the hell up and stop snoring, I gave up and tried to sleep on the couch. My dog just stared at me, scared to move in “The Cone” and panting and drooling. After a total of 2 hours and 10 minutes of sleep I climbed off the couch and rushed to get ready so as to be the first person (and dog) at the vet. In my rush I didn’t see the giant puddle of drool my panting dog left on the kitchen tile. I ran through it. My legs flew behind me and remained parallel to my ass as I bell-flopped to the hard floor landing in said giant puddle of drool on my hip, elbow and face. I began to moan. My husband was there in a flash as he thought, “the refrigerator had fallen over.” Apparently I need to lose weight too, as I sound like the damn fridge.
Brusied, cut up, burned and aching like I haven’t before, I have made it through two days since the fall. My dog is doing better. I still can’t lay down and my right side throbs. I am constantly reminded that I am getting to be an old refrigerator.
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