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Jiggles and Giggles
Growing up, I was never completely comfortable with who I was or how I looked. I was never particularly popular and making friends was never an easy feat for me.
Something to do with that dreaded ‘foot in mouth’ disease which seemed to plague me from the moment I learned how to speak.
In the beginning, I was a short, stringy haired, not quite albino-looking child who tripped over her ginormous knobby knees. I then morphed into a tall, sickly thin teen with wasp bites for breasts while rocking a spiral hair-do and teased bangs. All the while wearing home made clothing my mother lovingly made for me, instead of the designer duds everyone else in my school rocked.
Nothing says “KICK ME” quite as loudly as a paisley purple ruffled shirt you mom lovingly made for your twelfth birthday.
My nicknames ranged from ‘geek’, ‘loser’, and ‘pimple’s arse’ to the more creative ‘Skinny Minny Miller’ and my personal favorite, ‘Tuna Faced Tanis.’
How I wish I could relive those junior high years. They really were the high light of my life. Heh.
Like most adults, I survived those trying years and grew up and out into the fabulous supermodel mom I am today. Mostly unscathed and slightly delusional, but hey, I survived.
With time, I grew into my body and my personality. I know who I am and for the most part, I like it. As long as I don’t read the shrink’s assessment of my personality too often.
I’m comfortable with who I am. I even like how I look most of the time, even if I do wish that my boobs didn’t fall into my arm pits every time I lay down or tickle my belly button when I run around nekkid.
(You’re jealous, aren’t you?)
Heck, I gave birth to three nine pound bowling balls kids and once weighed over two hundred pounds. It stands to reason I’m gonna have a little jiggle with my giggles.
(I’d like to point out somewhat passive aggressively my husband isn’t as good as he once was either. Without gestating live rodents in his belly.)
Do I wish I had rock hard abs and silky smooth thighs that could crack walnuts? Absolutely, just not enough to go to the gym. I’ve made peace with my body and befriended each and every dimple on my arse, the stray chin hairs that keep popping up and my unusually hairy toes.
I want my children to be comfortable within their own bodies and have the inner strength to survive their own teen-aged years of angst. I want them to be able to walk through the next few years of puberty-induced hell and come out forged stronger and better than before.
They’ll need that strength to survive reading my posts about them and my hooters when they get older. Heh.
I want my children to know that no matter how their bodies look when they’re adults, it’s alright. Which is why, I’ve never made a big deal of nudity around our house. (The things I do for my children. I mean, I totally garden topless just so my kids will have healthy self-esteem.)
I want them to know there is nothing bad or disgusting about a human’s naked body.
Unless of course, it’s that old fat person in the public pool locker room who is wriggling out of a wet and too small swim suit in the middle of the aisle and wants you to hand them a towel thereby forcing you to make eye contact with said elder and searing their nekkid arse into a permanent imprint in your mind.
Totally uncool.
It’s not like I wave my nudity around my children and prance around the house in the buff while screeching to Heart. (Not often, anyways.) As they grow older, I do have some tact. But if they wander into my room or the bathroom after I have a shower, I’m not going to cover up my girly bits either.
They’re too pretty to be contained. Heh.
I’ve talked with my kids about their bodies and my body and bodies in general, wanting them to know that as long as one is healthy and has a body that works, one is blessed. All bodies are beautiful. Except for the above mentioned locker room person. Ugh.
Sure I may have a mole here or there, or a scar, or a stretch mark, but the sum of it all makes me unique and makes me beautiful. Not supermodel, million dollar smile beautiful, but well-adjusted and not needing to wear a paper bag over my head to go shopping beautiful.
I’ll take it.
But as I stood in my closet the other day, wearing nothing but my skivvies and a bra, searching through mounds of unfolded yet clean laundry (my mother would be so ashamed), my kids wandered in to ask me a question.
I slipped on my jeans and told them it was not alright to see if my dog would fit in our dutch oven and grabbed my for my shirt. I noticed my children staring at me.
They were mesmerized by my beauty. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Snort.
“What? Do I stink or something?”
Fric looks at my boobs and then down to her own invisible breasts and asked if her boobs would be like mine when she’s older.
“I don’t know, honey. Every woman’s body is different; huge or small, they’re all hooters,” I told her honestly as I thought of my grandma’s watermelon sized boobs.
“I’m not talking about how big they will be, Mom,” she told me, sounding slightly annoyed. “I meant, will my boobs hang down like yours?”
Only if you’re lucky, I thought to myself as I pulled on my top. “How bout you talk to me about the state of your breasts once you’ve had three angry little badgers gnaw on them and suck them dry?”
“Whatever,” Fric said as she rolled her eyes. Poor thing. It must be hard to be saddled with me as her momma.
As I shooed the kids out of my closet, Frac, who up to this point had wisely kept his mouth shut, whispered to his sister in a voice loud enough to be heard across the country, “Fric, did you see how Mom’s tummy jiggled every time she moved? Weird!”
Yes, I want my kids to be comfortable in their own bodies. To accept what ever nature throws their way and to celebrate their own individual beauty and uniqueness.
In order to achieve this, I’m going to counsel them to avoid any state of undress in front of their own children’s prying eyes.
Nothing has sucked out my self-esteem (along with my youth and vitality) quite as quickly as my honest offspring.
It’s the gift they just keep on giving.
Buggers.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I am not sure I have ever commented before, but today I must. You are absolutely worth reading and I love your blog. You make me laugh every time I read a post. And not just a “oh, that’s a cute story” funny, I mean I laugh out loud, call my hubby in to read along and then laugh some more. You have great writing skills and I am so glad I found your blog. Great Job!!
June 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
“three angry little badgers gnaw on them and suck them dry?” LOL LOL LOL
I thank you for my giggles…..with a jiggle…I might add!
June 11th, 2008 at 10:31 am
ouch! they DO know how to cut to the chase, don’t they?
June 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Out of all their bodily bits that came from their momma, it sounds like they got your mouth. Too funny.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:00 am
I read a great post about hangy down boobies. I think you’ll enjoy it as well
http://thingsivefoundinpockets.blogspot.com/2008/03/in-honour-of-hangy-down-boobies.html
June 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am
My comment must have gone to spam because I included a link to a great post I read about hangy down boobies.
Check it out!
June 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Ah, children. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I’m about with you on the nudity end of things - if I’m walking around getting dressed, I’m naked. Deal. But I don’t run around the entire house nakey, and insist that she have at least undies if she’s running loose outside of bedroom and bathroom territory, to keep her butt germs from everything.
So far, she’s young enough not to have such opinions, thank god, but as she gets older, she may just get the trip about how she can’t say anything about the state of something that she wrecked in the first place.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I almost wish my kids would say something. Rather, I get looks that imply I am afflicted with some freakish deformity… fascination combined with disgust. Not that my own self esteem could handle it, but sometimes I’d love to know what runs through their cruel and devious little minds when they catch a glimpse of mummy in the raw!
June 11th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Once, when Tacy entered my bathroom when I was nakie, she reassured me, “Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t make fun of your body.”
June 11th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
My sister-in-law stepped out of the shower while her granddaughter was using the toliet. Later the granddaughter told her mother that MIMI’s boobs were broken. NOW I know what MiMi felt!!! I too have broken boobs.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
OMG………you are too funny. I was having a bad day until I read your blog. You always make me laugh. My boobs are not perky any more either. Oh well it could be worse…..
June 11th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I’ve got a hot tub in my backyard and I’m not wearing a swimsuit in a hot tub so my kids (4 & 9) are used to some naked Black Hockey Jesus running around. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I’m just naked.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
At some point I’m going to say to myself “Self, you have to stop reading Tanis’ posts. You’re a married man; stop thinking about her naked.”
Later, though. Saggy boobs and jiggly belly? Hot hot hot.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I’ve discovered that surgically reclaiming my bosoms eliminated those pesky little comments.
It’s pretty much 24/7 awesomeness all year long.
(Well…I suppose there IS a downside to them…I don’t get out of the house nearly as much. It’s WAY more fun to stay home and play with them.)
June 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I too get the daily “your butt is big and jiggly” and my favorite, “what is wrong with your stomach? Why does it have funny marks all over it?”
June 11th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I never told anyone this and I don’t know why I am doing it now but once, we visited my great grandmother in the nursing home and I saw her roommates, um, there is no delicate way to say this, giant stretched out hoo ha and my grandma saw me staring and said, “Oh honey we all get that way when we get old.”
Anyone know any labia excercises because seriously…hold me scary!!
So I guess Tanis, I am saying I KNOW how your daughter felt at that moment you said that. LOL Not that your boobs are probably near as bad as what I saw that day but I just remember that resolved feeling I had.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Kids are definitley not known for their tact!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Ooh - nothing makes you want to roll them up and stuff them away more!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
My darling daughter and I were watching a show that was preceding a show we really wanted to watch. There was some talk about cellulite on this woman’s butt and legs. I snorted derisively. My daughter said, “Oh my god! If they think that woman has cellulite, they oughta see your ass! They’d die!” Thanks kid.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Sometimes honesty is a double edged blade. Sigh.
June 12th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I can relate to this very well. I remember how I hated the way I look and I am too timid and too uncomfy with everything about me.
Now as parents, we always have to tell our children, should they encounter mean people, that they shouldn’t focus their energies to them. This may be hard but at least we have to show our children what really matters today.
Thanks for sharing this very honest entry. You’re worth the read.
I’ll be coming back here again and again to read more from you.
June 12th, 2008 at 3:47 am
I’ve always been the same about nudity and what not, trying to be nonchalant and open about the human body. It’s nature, for god’s sake. Lately, though, judging by the horrified looks I get when my kids catch me half-dressed - like they’re staring at an anomaly in a cage at the zoo - I know they’re deeply concerned for their futures.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Julia asked me the same thing a little while ago, and I could tell by the look on her face she wanted me to assure her that hers wouldn’t wind up looking like mine.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:08 am
yes, it’s honestly fun! The little brains are just full of honesty.
Seriously - I feel the same about about teenage angst…think kids are doomed to it however, even the kids that seemed to have it all were riddled with it. I want to do whatever I can to elivate as much of it as possible but I am confused as to HOW to accomplish this goal.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:12 am
Great great post…oh the honesty of our children. They sure keep us human and grounded. I love reading your blog!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I have yet to be of legal drinking age in the States and I already have the motherhood symptoms that come with the territory of breastfeeding…and I only did it for 2 weeks. =\
June 12th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Just the other day my darling 3 year old saw my hubby playing in the pool and looked at me and said, “Mommy, daddy has boobies just like you!” I couldn’t help but smile and praise the gods of motherhood bodies. Of course, hubs sunk lower in the water. Revenge.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:24 am
You are right. Would you rather have a great body and feel insecure about a few flaws or have a not as great body but feel comfortable about it?
Self-confidence is hot.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I dread this day because I know it’s coming (we’ve already had the “why are you so furry down there mommy - WHY???” conversation).
And you are so freakin’ right (as usual) - arming them with the self-confidence is key - because regardless of the body - it always looks 100 times better when the inhabitant loves it too. It’s true!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I have absolutely no post pregnancy boob stories to share.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Yeah, I’m jiggly too. My kids are scarred for life since IF they walk into my bedroom as I’m dressing AND they haven’t knocked they get exactly what they deserve.
And IF it happens to burn their eyeballs out? Well tough titties. No pun intended.
Okay. It was intended.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:18 am
every freaking day I remember when Moo stated at the age of 5, while I was leaning over her bed to make it, braless (but with a tshirt on) ‘Wow Mum, your boobs look like lemons swinging from a tree. Only bigger than lemons and the tree is HUGE’
Thanks baby. And that is why I torment you so now. Paybacks are a bitch.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:47 am
My boys love to grab my tummy roll and jiggle it. I’d like to think it’ll make them appreciate chunky girls when they’re older.
The other day when they were subjected to bathing suit shopping, with each new round of suits Tizzy would say “Let’s see if this one makes you look like a jelly bean mama.”
We finally settled on one with boy shorts… because it had pockets… for keys
My husband grabbed my elbow this afternoon and said “You’ve got elbow flaps! They’re good for grabbing!”
But they they love me! The joys.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
lol that is a perfect plan.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
hehehe
ur a brave mommy
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Very Cool. Just saw you on “News To Me” @ CNN. Good Job and keep on keepin’ on.
MIKE