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Famous in my Own Mind
I had a big blog post planned today to dissect my fifteen seconds of fame from my appearance on CNN Headline News this weekend.
Then my eardrum burst.
Ya. Spontaneously. Without any warning.
Who knew that something so tiny could cause incredible pain? I’d have eased my misery with a swill of medicinal mommy juice but the glands in my throat seemed to have swollen so much that I can barely swallow.
It’s like the Universe has put a pox on my head. My husband says it’s because I didn’t show enough cleavage on the video tape.
I dragged my sorry arse out of bed to make an emergency appointment with the local doctor. Pox or not, I need to have the giant red hot spike removed from my head. I need drugs, dammit.
So I hobbled to the kitchen to get the phone book and dialed the local clinic.
“Hi,” I croaked, “I’m in desperate need of medical assistance. I need to see the doctor as quick as possible and I’m willing to grease some palms to make it happen.”
“What’s the nature of this visit?” a bored receptionist yawned on the other end of the line.
“Well, sometime in the middle of the night, tiny little demons visited my bedroom, crammed a rod of fiery pain into my ear, bursting my ear drum and followed that up by pouring hot acid directly into my throat. They then did a little voodoo chant while holding hands and dancing around my bed, wishing for all the snot in the world to congregate and rest inside my sinuses. I think I’m dying.” I manage to croak out while raging white hot pain emanates from my ear.
“I see. So you’ve got a cold.”
“No, I’ve got the pox. A cold doesn’t cause this much brain damage.”
“Uh, huh. I can’t fit you in until late this afternoon. Name please?” I can hear her clicking away at her typewriter while she is chewing gum.
“Tanis Miller.”
Pause.
“Tanis Miller, the REDNECK MOMMY?” She asks, somewhat incredulously.
“Um, ya?”
“I saw you on CNN last night! I couldn’t believe someone I knew was on t.v!”
“Um, thanks?” I coughed. I was starting to see stars swirl around my head. “Is there any way you could squeeze me in any earlier? I’m really sick.” Heh, I’m not above capitalizing on my new found fame.
She laughed and for a second I thought I was in.
“Honey, you get yourself on Grey’s Anatomy and introduce me to McSteamy and I’ll let you pick your appointment times. Hell, I’ll even drive the doc herself to your house. Until then, you just have to wait in line with all the other rednecks we see.”
Damn.
So much for my fifteen seconds of fame. Guess one redneck ’round these parts is the same as another.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:04 am
I hope that you feel better, and also that you post the clip - I know, so selfish of me, but I did not get a chance to catch it this weekend.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:11 am
You looked so hot!!
I was watching it with my daughter and was all “I know her!!” and my daughter said something like, “People you read on the computer and never meet aren’t really people you know.”
Silly little bitch.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
Hope you feel better!
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Good try getting in early. Guess its just more mommy juice.
Hope you feel better.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 am
I missed the CNN spot but I feel better about seeing as that I now know there was no cleavage involved.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 am
You looked HOTT on CNN. My husband was in the room, not paying attention, until you said, “Boobie Rings.” Then he was like, REWIND THAT!
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:49 am
mwah
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:52 am
I know a solution! Stick a red-hot poker in your eye and then you will forget about the pain in the ear and throat. Or not. :0p
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:01 am
I’m cable-ly challenged, so if you are able to post a video of your fame, Luddites like me would appreciate it.
Hope you’re feeling better. Don’t you LOVE antibiotics?
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
I had the same thing happen when I met someone and they were like, “Kyla from the newspaper?!” I didn’t even know I was in the paper until they said that. It is a strangely awesome moment. LOL.
I missed it (I have trouble converting time zones, LOL) so would you email me the link? I must see it.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
I missed your CNN spot so, yes please, post a video if you can. I hope you feel better soon!
(You kind have to love that receptionist, though.)
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 am
You were fabulous on CNN! You added a bit of glamour to the show, cleavage or not. If I had been the receptionist, I would have told you to “come right over”.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Oh I know that feeling >
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I missed youre gig on CNN. I’ll have to look for it. Sorry to hear you fronted on the tae tas.
All kissing aside, I’ve been there, hope you feel better soon.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Tanis, I missed the clip on CNN of you…any chance you’ll post it on your blog? Pretty please? of course, not until you feel better though….
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Tanis, you looked awesome on tv- very hot! The interview was great- good work! I’m so glad you shared that you would be on. You should definitely post it for the folks who missed it if you get a chance.
I admit I DVR’d your interview and watched the women’s gymnastics live, but still I totally rushed over and watched it immediately following the Olympic Trials business.
Quick, hand me a beer!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Sorry you are ill…but, damn Girl..you looked and sounded mighty fine on CNN! I’m proud of you - you have ‘true grit’.
“the fan” from Saskatoon (saucy’s Mom from bloggedy blog blog - saucy)
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Hope you feel better soon!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Congrats on the CNN appearance!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Aw! We just got back to civilization! I missed it! I will check it out! I hope you get better soon! Dang voodosiquitos!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Ha Ha great interview! Good for you! “Hottest mommy” too funny!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
[…] we want to send out our best wishes for a speedy recovery to Tanis, the Redneck Mommy, who found out that even though it’s hosted and edited by EMMY® Award winners, just being on […]
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Tanis……..Hope you feel better!! I can’t believe the girl at the Dr.’s office wouldnt get you in. That’s bullshit!! I loved your interview with CNN. You looked great!!
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Hi! I didn’t know anything about you until I seen you on CNN.. Im not even a news watcher! Ha.. Well I just wanted to tell you good luck with your life. I have a 2 year old son and a 3 week old daughter..Im not much of a redneck but I try to be!
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Great interview. You rocked it. I will admit (and deny possibly) I balled like a baby with her leg caught in the crib bars while her auntie took pictures! (no that wasn’t me. No way!!) Thanks for putting yourself out there. I did at one point then went private. Not as brave as you wonderful lady. Nope. Though if you have myspace your welcome to come on in and hang out for a while.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
ah, fans. so fickle.
sorry ’bout the eardrum. please post the CNN clip…some of us are even more redneck than thou and don’t have cable.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Hi Tanis. I missed you on CNN (though I heard you on Sonic) and I’d love to talk to you for a story in the Edmonton Journal.
Sorry you’re feeling terrible. When you’re feeling up to it, could you call or email me? I sent you a facebook message with my contact info. Thanks.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Huh. Apparently you’re not quite on the A-list yet, baby. Soon, soon.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Congratulations!
Wow I’d love to have my own 15-seconds of fame too! 
P.S. Get well soon.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Yes, please post the clip….and FEEL BETTER…sorry, no shouting. feel better, sshhhhhhhhh.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I hope you feel better soon….I watched your clip, it was great!!!
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Feel better!!! I missed the video, hoping to dig it up online!
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Oh I hope you post a clip!
Hope you feel better soon.
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I agree with your husband. If you want to avoid ruptured ear drums, you gotta flash cleavage. It’s not proven scientifically but science’s notions of cause & effect are limited.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:28 am
he he he that’ll teach you… and she wouldn’t you know. She would have made another excuse cause those biatches are full of their own power and hold onto those emergency appointments like they are freaking GOLD.
Ouchies for your ear. I was all ’suck it up kiddies’ when it happened to my kids. And then it happened to me and I was all ‘OMFG someone kill me now, but do it quietly…’
June 24th, 2008 at 5:54 am
You almost always have me laughing. That really stinks about your ear. Sorry the lady wouldn’t squeeze you in earlier. I seen you on CNN Headline news yesterday as well. I didn’t get to see the clip, but they were talking about it coming up later. =) Hope you are feeling better!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
You had guts to admit that you were “THE Tanis Miller” that she thought you were. Myself?
I always backpedal and swear that I am NOT the person that someone thinks that I am when they hear my name. Most generally, what they see/hear/know about me.. is NUTTIN’ good. Nevah. Never mind the fact that I am the ONLY person with my name for half a continent. They don’t know that tho’. *wink*
I had a ruptured eardrum once. I kept poking at it with everything I could find, it made it feel better. Then worse. ‘Cuz, of course, I made matters worse. Nothin’ a ton of good old narcotics wouldn’t cure within a hillbilly minute tho’.
Hope you’re feeling better, you need to be in tip top condition for Boo. It’s really hard to do the BJ scene with a pain in your ear. Screws up the way the throat feels. Not that I do that stuff tho. Just sayin’.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Hope you are better:) What what what about CNN? Must. Know. More. Oprah will come soon after right?