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It Really Was News To Me
When I was around my daughter’s age, I was convinced I was going to grow up to be a musical superstar, shaking my hiney while belting out songs to thousands of my fans every night.
Because my parents drilled the motto “Practice makes perfect” into my head, I was determined to exercise my voice box as often as possible. I would prance around my room, wailing into my hair brush, torturing serenading my cat and my stuffed animals.
(Gawd, I was such a girl.)
My brother and sister would yell at me to shut up and I would ignore them and sing louder. Life was good.
One day I had my headphones on, the volume cranked and I was rocking out to Micheal Jackson’s Thriller. While I was imitating my zombie moves, my dad had yelled at me to lower my singing voice. I was oblivious and happily kept singing.
My dad barked at me several more times to can it lower the volume, and I continued to wail in my room. My father soon realized I wasn’t ignoring him, but just deaf while in the throes of the Jacko’s thrall. He decided to teach me a lesson and resolve this irritating habit of mine all at once.
He taped my brilliant warbling. Secretly. Probably while peeing his pants, giggling. All right, maybe not, but I’m sure he grunted in amusement at least once.
Later at the dinner table, the subject of my caterwauling came up. My siblings being the whiney brats they were complained I was polluting the air with my musical talents.
I, of course, was indignant and filled with disbelief. After all, I wasn’t deaf. I had ears. I could hear the notes coming out of my mouth and they sounded like pure magic. Arguing with my dolt-headed demon siblings, I turned to my father to act as the ultimate referee.
Dad just smiled and said he’d be right back. Within moments, he returned with a black tape deck in hand. With a grin, he pressed play and sat back down to resume eating.
Suddenly, this horrible tinny screeching vibrated out of the speaker. I was confused. I mean, I recognized the lyrics but who the heck was singing?
My siblings, however, recognized my voice and doubled over laughing after watching the look of confusion wash over my face.
Sudden dread filled me and I immediately jumped straight into the river of De-Nile. “That can’t be me!” I gasped. “I sound, I mean that sounds-”
“Like a cat screeching in heat?” My dad finished for me.
I couldn’t really argue with him, because the truth was hurting my ears at that very moment.
Since then, I sing only in my car, and only by myself or with small children who can’t speak and are basically victims trapped in the same space as me. Heh.
Watching the video on CNN’s News To Me brought back that memory. I sat there, opened mouth, gasping to my best friend, who was watching it with me, “I do NOT sound like that.”
She mumbled something about me being delusional and then promptly fell off the couch laughing at me the video.
I can’t blame her. The video was funny. Just like I knew it would be. Because some of you missed it, here it is. Click away.
The voices in my head are still trying to reconcile with the screechy voice telling y’all to “Pass the beer, quick!”
Advice I plan on heeding every time I ever have to watch this video again.
***Big thanks to Mike and Eric for being such great guys to work with. It was a blast boys.****
June 24th, 2008 at 3:37 am
That was awesome, Tanis. Good for you. (And I don’t think you sounded weird at all.)
June 24th, 2008 at 4:07 am
SciFi Dad’s wrong, you sound like an alien!
mwhahahahahahaha
just kidding!!!
great interview Tanis…..hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhha
NOW you can pass the beer!
June 24th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Well done! I freaking love you, T.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:28 am
Oh my gosh! You rock girl! Everyone was right…you are HOT in the video. And your voice? Sounds awesome. I bet you could belt out Amazing Grace as good as the old lady next to you in church!
June 24th, 2008 at 5:33 am
This is fabulous! Am sending the link to Sean right now!
June 24th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Tanis, you’re adorable. That was perfectly darling.
Good job sweets.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I rather enjoyed hearing a redneck version of a Canadian accent. I have the southwestern Virginia version of the redneck accent and I must tell you, it’s just not as interesting. At least not to me. When I travel out of state people think I’m as dumb as a stick. I have got them fooled.
I hope you enjoy your fame because I thought it was pretty cool.
And pass the beer quick!!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Awesome video! I didn’t think it was bad at all. =)
June 24th, 2008 at 6:14 am
That’s too cool! You’re a celebrity!!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:20 am
I have a similar story. When I was younger I liked to sing and thought I was SO GREAT so one night I called our local radio station and asked if he would PUT ME ON THE AIR. He was kind enough to record me singing to him over the phone and then play it back to me. I NEARLY DIED. He was, thankfully, a good guy and didn’t play my little musical number. THANK GOD.
You’re video was awesome! You’re famous. I used to work for a dr’s office and I totally would have snuck you in sooner.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:31 am
I didn’t notice an accent.* Does that make me a redneck?
* Except for “oot.” As in ‘make oot.”
June 24th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Don’t worry, I appeared on a TV show once and wanted to die after seeing it. I told no one and was horrified years later when a friend at work told me they saw it on lifetime in the middle of the night.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:39 am
Too fun! You’d be a fun neighbor (sigh - all my neighbors are boring). Guess I’ll just keep reading your blog.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Thanks for sharing! I tried to find it yesterday after you mentioned it but couldn’t find anything on the CNN site. You sound great and look great!!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:48 am
LOVED IT!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I’m pretty sure you flashed your butt crack getting into that truck.
Just sayin’.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am
beer? did someone say beer?
it was awesome. you are awesome!
June 24th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Awesome!!! You are indeed a Rock Star!
June 24th, 2008 at 7:52 am
I knew that truck would kick ass!
June 24th, 2008 at 7:53 am
As a voice teacher, I have definitely heard worse. No one improves without practice. Don’t let anyone tell you to stop singing. Who cares what you sound like. Sing for joy, out loud and as obnoxious as you feel like being.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:56 am
heh. I’ve been missing that accent for 12 years.
I can’t believe they didn’t let you try the “best mommy blog in the mommyblurginsurgin” line over again :} That would have thrown me off my game for the entirety of the interview.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:06 am
No, you sounded like I suspect you are - frank, fun, and witty.
(And OHMIGOD, was that a Boo sighting?)
June 24th, 2008 at 8:13 am
You sound great.You were very “composed” as if you did interviews all the time! You should’ve belted out a tune! I bet it would have been awesome! There are people that get paid and have record labels, that shouldn’t. They need your dad as a manager! I would have had the “stuttering, forget what I’m sayin, what the heck am I doin on tv, accent!!”
June 24th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Very cool. Thanks for sharing.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I’m still downloading the interview. You are so popular cause you have an awesome rack. sheesh.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I think you sounded great! It was a very funny and interesting segment. I was totally entertained! Thanks for posting the link because I missed it on real TV.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I have to switch computers to go watch–damn laptop, so I haven’t seen it yet. I do have to give your Dad props for making sure you never ended up on American Idol because your family had lied to you your whole life.
P.S. My singing is so bad even I realize it.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Well I will never get that part of my life back now will I?
KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You sounded fine to me! That was great!
June 24th, 2008 at 10:42 am
stop teasing me. i miss you.
write me back.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:57 am
That was too awesome. You really are a rockstar, hon.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am
I am so glad that you posted the link (I tried but missed it over the weekend). You are awesome and I am not just saying that because I feel a connection to you because of my equally offensive singing voice.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:05 am
That was great, and you didn’t sound wierd at all. I especially loved the metamucil commercial that played right before you!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Oh my God! You were AWESOME! Nice to see an Alberta girl hitting it big!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
You look and sound outstanding. I have respelled Attack to AAtack so your blog is first on my daily reading list. Keep up the great work.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
You don’t sound weird at all! Darling video, you’re just as clever in person. Well, person recorded on video
June 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
That was a wonderful snippet! Nothing (too) wierd about that at all!
June 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
That was great–except the part that made it look like you were the one who duct taped your child to the wall, which I don’t think is true…is it?
You totally are a rockstar.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
just saw the video T. wonderful is all I have to say. I told Boo that he looked fat. hahaha
June 24th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
That really great, very funny. Plus your Hubbie is a ride!!
June 24th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
That was awesome! Does this mean all of us long-time readers from the very beginning get to say, “I knew her when….”?
June 24th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
=pshaw=
You sounded great on TV (I caught it when it was on!) and obviously looked good because the Spouse Thingy stopped what he was doing and watched. Which means I must throw things at him and never, ever tell him your URL…
June 24th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Fantastic spot on CNN!! I think you sounded great. Regular reader, but I seldom comment (sorry). I try to read my blogs with a rug-rat hanging off my elbow saying “cheese, cheese” or “twain, twain” (train). Love your site. Keep it real!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I loved it! Your voice sounded completely normal–nothing screechy about it. You ROCK!!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
I just have to say. Like real quick. I won’t waste your time. I promise. Maybe I will. Or maybe I’m uber uber tired and can’t get to the steenkin’ point.
Compared to “certain nameless big time bloggers with over 1000 comments a day who did the CNN thing too”…
You stomped ass. And you weren’t pretentious. Like others. You were the person I drop by to read every day, and you aren’t doing it to make tons of dough on top of the tons of dough you already make. Not like any big time bloggers out there do that. Just sayin’. *eyeroll*
Anyway, love your blog. And you know what I love even more? You actually read my blog at one point in time. That’s what matters. I hate reading someone’s blog if they aren’t going to make it a point to reciprocate and stuff.
:)) Okay, my tired ass is done rambling. I’m sure this is the least put together comment you get, and I hope it makes you smile. A wee bit. Like, one of the kids knicked the toilet seat when they were aiming for the big hole in the middle kind of wee bit.
Gimme a big ol’ Yeehaw!
June 24th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
My favorite part: that they showed the bit of video where you were climbing into the truck. Ass-crack on CNN? PRICELESS.
Muah!
June 24th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
That was NOT asscrack!!!!
That was the lower part of my tramp stamp!!! The bottom of my memorial cross for Bug.
I know this cuz I checked the video a zillion times after dying a slow and embarrassing death thinking I showed plumbers crack to the world.
On NATIONAL TELEVISION.
Heh.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Can I have your autograph? You can sign a beer and pass it to me!
June 25th, 2008 at 2:13 am
I think I’m even more in love with you than I already was!
That was awesome, congrats on making it on to the talking box.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Very fun interview, you look and sound great, and I love your battle cry ending. Enjoy the resulting fame (and fortune?)
June 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I couldn’t be prouder if that was me.
Actually, I would have been even more proud if you would have flashed the camera. Now I’m off to tell all my friends that I shacked up w/ THE Redneck Mommy. Heh.
(Way to go, hon. I was grinning the entire time.)
June 25th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Way to go Tanis!! You rock, girl. Nice to put a face, animated, and a voice to you blog. From now on I’ll hear your voice when I read your blog. I very glad to share your life. Thanks for making my day.
BTW you looked great on the video.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I was on vacation and got to see you on “News To Me”. I got my ass over here almost first thing when I got home to say “I SAW YOUR ASS CRACK ON CNN”!!!!!! But somebody beat me to it. LOL.
WOOOOOOT!
That video ROCKS and I’m totally stoked that you’re getting all the recognition you deserve.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
So funny! Love it! I think you did a great job in the interview. I too, can not sing and don’t unless I am alone or alone with my little people who could care less how I sound!
June 25th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
When the therapist says you need to open up more, presenting the world with enough space to park a bike, is not what is meant!!
The kids will carry you shoulder high through the streets for now, and then down the track they’ll recall fondly why they sued your bikespace.
Way too much tongue.
Genetics and environment, not slugs, snails, puppydog’s tails, sugar, spice etc. Try and focus.
If you weren’t so funny and lovely I could stop reading and get on with my life.
Last again. Sigh. Why am I always last?
June 26th, 2008 at 12:41 am
congratulations and great interview! Also, if that man in the pictures is your husband, he is blazing hot. Oh, pardon my french.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:40 am
Well, live Tanis confirms what I thought from written Tanis - totally awesome. I was cracking up even without the help of booze. And you’re pretty well-spoken for a redneck! Pass the beer indeed.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:03 am
dude - you’re effing hilarious! but you forgot to scratch yer ass while crackin’ open your molson with yer teeth.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:21 am
You Rock!
I have to say though, you sound totally different than you did in your last video.
Who knew.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:45 am
That is so cool! I thought you were great! Congrats on being a celeblogger!!!
June 26th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Great interview. I am in awe of how down-to-earth you are. Dont let all this go to your head though. Like your kids say you are not a writer, you just have a blog.
June 26th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
DAMNIT. That wasn’t asscrack?
I watched it several times, cursing because it went by so fast, but giggling at the idea that I had glimpsed your sideways booty smile.
I think you should send me a picture of your asscrack to make up for the disappointment I am feeling at that not actually being your asscrack.
How many times can one type, “asscrack” in a comment? I’m testing the limits.
*Asscrack*
June 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I watched the video, I thought it went well.
As far as singing, my children would tell me they would go to sleep IF I would QUIT singing! Now that is a slap to the arse!
June 28th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
OMG - You are freakin’ famous! Now I can say that “I read you when…”! How cool!
June 29th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I’m all late, but whatever. I blame this damned celiac-detox. Anywho, loved the clip. I don’t think your voice is horrid, at all. Though I have to admit when you said, “about” all I could think about was the South Park movie… “It’s aboot democracry!” Hee hee. It made me love you even more, though.
June 29th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Wow.
You really ARE a redneck.
Love the drawl. Oh, and I’m definitely here because of your awesome writing. The boob ring is just gravy.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
AWESOME! You look great, and the voice isn’t at all like cat screeching - well, it didn’t make my dog howl.
CONGRATS.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I wanted more Canadian. Those short O’s get me all hot. Keep that in mind *wink*