In a few hours I will be leaving on a jet plane. Or with my luck, some rusty tin can which only seats 10 and vibrates so badly the bolts wiggle loose holding the engine in place thereby causing the plane to crash and me to have a full-blown panic attack while begging God Himself to save my rather pimply hairy arse.
Good times.
My husband says I have an over active imagination. He may have a point.
I’m a procrastinator. Always have been, at at this advanced age, I don’t see that changing any time soon. This means that even though I have to be at the airport in less than four hours, I still have to pack for myself, my children, shower, find the new kittens I brought home in a moment of mommy stupidity, trap them in the laundry room, feed them along with the birds, the hamster and the mouse, find my dog and push his fat wiggling arse into the pet carrier, take the kids and the dog to my MIL’s house, appropriately show my appreciation for having her watch over my brood while I play in the States, write a note to the hubs pointing out the premade dinners in the freezer thus ensuring he will eat something other than corn chips and hot dogs while I’m gone, water the plants, find my freaking passport, blog and get gas so that I can make it to the airport which happens to be located in buttfark nowhere with no gas stations along the way.
I’m not worried. I thrive under pressure. Heh.
I’m spending four and a half days soaking up the sun in the sunny state of California. Except I’m told it’s not always sunny in San Francisco and the current weather forecast calls for fog and not great temperatures.
That’s just my luck. I fly to another country, to a state specifically known for it’s beaches and bikini clad women and it’s colder there than it is here up in the wilds of Northern Canada.
I must have horseshoes tucked in my bum.
Heh.
A little cold weather never stopped me before. So when I pack my suitcase, I’m putting in my bathing suit. I have long had a dream of running down the beach a la Baywatch style and pretending I’m Pamela Anderson (without the Hepatitis or the fake boobs or the millions of dollars) and bending time to tick by in slow motion as I frolick in the sand.
Of course, no amount of fake yellow hair is going to transform me into some young hot thing bouncing along on a Californian beach.
So, when you see someone who looks like this running down the sandy strip while tourists and locals stare at the crazy Canadian, just know I’m having the time of my life.
Even if I do get sand in my crack and frostbite on my pink parts.
I’ll be back on Monday. Have a great weekend, everyone.
57 Comments
That’s just wrong!
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That’s a woman with no friends–otherwise one of them would have stopped her.
Let me be the first (or, more likely, the 50th) person to tell you that the coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco!
Have fun!
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YUUUUCKY.
Have fun. I am so jealous.
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You’ve probably already discovered this, but the Baywatch beaches are about 8 hours (by car) south of San Francisco. Sorry…
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That picture is SO wrong in SO many ways. Have a great time - can’t wait to see more pics of you with Lotus’ bewbs. That sounded kind of wrong too…
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You will be only an hour from where I live. Have a great time, I love Ocean Beach and be sure to do the Pier 39 tourist things it’s the best!
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There goes any hope that one day I’ll look good in a bathing suit. LOL
Have fun and hopefully the weather gets its act straight for ya!
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I seriously doubt that you look like that in a bikini…that’s more like me! SF is always cooler, well except last week when it was in the 90s. Have fun! (So green with envy!!)
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Am I to understand Boo will have the house all to himself? Oh boy!
Have fun in the sun.
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Wow! Have fun!
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My eyeballs just exploded and I need some brain bleach!! Quick!
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I live here in sunny California and it’s covered in smoke still. Fires are still burning. Weather is crazy, hot one day foggy the next. Pack a carnigan and your suit.
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You have no idea how jealous I am… you got a vibrator AND a vacation?
Some people get all the luck.
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That’s so hot.
You are going to get hit on by all the girls here in SF.
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LMAO!! Drag queen capital of the US and you’re gonna look like that. You better watch yourself girl because there are some manly gals out there that will have you for dessert…*bluck* Have a great time and take lots of pics to share with us poor souls who can’t afford to go…
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I just ate!!!!! Now I feel it comming back up.
Have a great time… I will say Hi to Pamela for you from LA.
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My eyes! MY EYES!!!
That is so not you. You could pass for a cuter and less plastic Pammy in the right suit.
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I hope you have a fun and relaxing weekend. I’ll cross my fingers and toes that you have perfect weather and we’ll all be waiting to hear how it went. If you do get hit - on just share the mommy juice, set them down, and let them read your blog.
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Um, to frolick in the San Fran waters you might want to pack your wet suit. It is reeeeallllly cold in that water. But San Fran is my favorite place to vacation, hands down. Have fun!
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No way in heck you are cavorting in a swinsuit in San Francisco! (I used to live there.) We just got back from a trip to San Diego and ost days it stayed overcast and cool.
BUT - you are from the frozen North, right, so to you it will seem warm
S.F. is a fun place to roam around on foot/streetcar. Visit Chinatown, Fort Point at the base of the Golden Gate Bridge, etc.
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You must be off to Blogher… I am merely a state away and not making it this year… *sigh*. Have a great time and drink lots of Mama Juice.
Cheers!
Jamie
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You need to come down to my neck of the woods in Southern CA. Fog burns off by 11 am. We even have a nude beach tucked away too. Not that I’ve ever been there. Nuh uh………
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Dammit, I missed the picture. I am really interested, because it VIOLATES Photobucket. I am all for violating photo sites.
Have fun.
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Freakin’ hell I missed the picture too. Enjoy yourself
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Hilarious post.
Blessings,
Linda
COMICAL KIDS, a daily prompt, at MEME EXPRESS
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Have fun!
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Yep, missed the picture too. Must have been a doozie! Have fun in SF. With all those wild and wordy women running around, can’t wait to hear your stories.
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Dang policy. Oh well.
Have a great time in rainy ol’ SF. (It’s often foggy…)
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OK thats NOT Fair i missed the pic!! anyway have a fantastic holiday! i am hoping to get to California at some point this year so cant wait to see what you get up to (give me some ideas!)
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Just remember, if you pack those monsters Boo bought you, they are going to make you take them out of your bag and remove the batteries, not that it happened to me, ever..but it did happen to my friend and she had her teenage kids with her, just to make it really a fun trip.
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Damn it all to hell, I missed the pic.
Pamela is in Australia anyway. And looks like a haggard old lady with water balloons on her chest. *I* am way hotter than that. You are smokin’ hot babe.
Have a blast and I have decided to spent the 4 days of BlogHer drunk. To be like the sista hood.
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Apparently the PhotoBucket police made it to the crime scene before me.
Damn.
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I feel ya - I flew from Milwaukee to San Diego a few years ago at the end of June. It was 87 and HOT here in Brew City, but my visions of cute blonde surfer doods were dashed when I landed in chilly 67 degree temps. I was *so* not prepared for the weather. Hope you have a great time at BlogHer!
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Bummer. Missed the picture. Oh well, hope you have fun!
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Aw, the pic is gone, but I’m kind of glad, because that way I can just sit here and imagine you naked on the beach instead of whatever yucky non-you photo you posted.
I hope you’re having fun stroking my bewbs at Blogher, hot stuff.
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I so wish I had caught that picture before it was taken down…..lol. Have a great time…..San Fransisco is awesome to visit.
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San Francisco is awesome but I agree… pack a wetsuit if you want to swim! Or drive about an hour south to Santa Cruz. I just got back from there and the weather was perfect and the ocean, well, not too cold!
Have a great trip!
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Ohhh have fun! I hope the weather gets better for you, and yay for kittens!!
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I missed the picture too. Damn. Really want to know what it is even though it must look pret-ty bad. Enjoy yourself!
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Great photo! But your butt is definitely not as hairy as mine.
Have a great time!
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Hope you have a great time and get to stop in at Blogher. Because of the chemo I couldn’t make this one. Boy am I going to the next one though.
Have fun..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
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I would like to buy a link from your blog. Please email me here datingsitesponsor@gmail.com if you are interested.
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I think it’s awesome that the photo is so bad that you violated Photobucket’s terms of use.
And I’m trying not to be jealous that you went to Blogher. I’m going next year if I have to walk there.
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Congratulations! You have just been chosen as Mr Lady’s new celebrity blog crush! Restraining orders are optional.
BlogHer 09. You. Me. Adult activities. I checked my magic 8 ball…it is a certainty.
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Added. Nice work on this one. Btw, my blog is dofollow, stop by and grab a link. Walter
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Hey Lady -
When you return from vacation could you stop by my blog and pick up a little something I have for you.
Thanks! Just a little token of my admiration for you.
http://www.pretzelplace.net/2008/07/pretzel-got-some-bling.html
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Sorry we couldn’t make good on the weather. I’m sure you could have had quite a time running down the halls of the Westin in said bathing suit, but it wouldn’t have been quite the same. Enjoyed comparing our “Fine blond hair” at Blogher, though not quite sure either one of us qualifies for a Bay Watch Do. If we could just hold that curl!
Have a safe trip back. Most preferably in a sturdy craft.
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lovely to meet you at blogher girl- xo
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HAHAHAHAHAHA! You Terms of Use Violator!!!!!
Hope you had a great time at BlogHer. You better be dishing the dirt SOON!!
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Came over here via Backpacking Dad. Just got lost for an hour ago in your posts, am now thoroughly snotty and would like to send you some sort of psychic e-hug.
You are one seriously awesome lady.
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I just wanted to say you’re FUCKING HOT. Glad to have met you.
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I hope you have a wonderful trip.
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Hi T. I miss you like crazy. I am SO lucky to have met you. We shal forever be BFF’s for life. Love yer boobs. Enjoy those Milk Duds Lady loo!
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freakin funny
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It was nothing short of awesome meeting you. Thank you for telling me about B, so happy and looking forward to news later on.
xo
Amanda
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Oh my goodness - are you ever getting back on here???!!!
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