*This post was difficult for me to write. It took an inordinate amount of editing to keep it somewhat light hearted. I deliberately left out some of my new best friend’s racist comments made as I was unloading my groceries. I am trying to make light of what an outrageous twit she was but I am still burning with rage on behalf of my son, my children and disabled people every where.*
After putting it off for a month, I could no longer avoid the inevitable. The cupboards were bare. Short of having my children root for the freeze-dried remains of stale and long forgotten food at the bottom of the deep freezer in order to feed them, I had to buck up and face the music.
Specifically the well-choreographed music of cash registers beeping, children screaming and the sounds of cans falling from overly stacked displays at an over-sized food chain.
Despite my well-documented love dislike for grocery stores and food shopping, I found myself wandering the aisles of domestic hell, randomly putting food items in my cart in an effort to finish as quickly and painlessly as possible.
I pushed that shopping cart around like a team of fire-breathing demons was chasing me, singeing my butt-cheeks with their flames. I must have looked like I was trying to qualify for one of those cheesy game show competitions. Ready, set, shop!
After 45 minutes an eternity I had finally piled enough foodstuff, toilet paper, pet food and personal products into a small slightly lop-sided mountain and headed for the gates of hell. Also known as the check out cashiers.
With a bead of sweat slowly trickling down my neck, I stopped to peruse the freakishly long line ups and fleetingly thought of abandoning my filled cart and making an escape (sans groceries) to the nearest coffee shop. While mentally balancing how much longer I could feed stale breadcrumbs to my children before social services intervened, I quickly scratched my escape plans and randomly chose a line.
I’ve learned two things over the course of my life that served me well at that very moment in time. Adoption bureaucrats work hand-in-hand with social services and none of those bureaucratic type people have a well-developed sense of ha-ha. Forcing my children to forage for food certainly would not look good in our bid to adopt.
Secondly, it doesn’t matter which line I choose to stand in, the moment I’m in it, time freakishly stands still so every other person in the store escapes the gates of hell while I stand waiting and wishing I chose a faster line.
With a deep sigh, I pushed my cart to what seemed to be the shortest line and waited to empty out my bank account. Just then I noticed a woman stand behind me holding only two items in her hands. I’m not a demon so I turned around and offered to let her go ahead of me. I figured maybe the Gods would notice my good grocery store karma and the line through hell would move a sliver faster.
The woman, an overly bleached blonde in a suede brown jacket thanked me kindly and moved ahead of me. Smiling at me, she eyed my cart, noticed my pathetic expression and decided to try and distract me from the woes of waiting.
Because nothing makes a social recluse such as myself, more comfortable than being forced into small talk with a random stranger while waiting to empty out one’s pockets.
We briefly chatted over the absurdity of how busy the store was and how long the lines up were. We discussed global warming Angelina Jolie and American politics the weather as we sprouted more gray hair and slowly morphed into aged old women waiting for the line to move.
Eventually our line moved ahead enough that I was able to start unloading my vast array of goods onto the conveyor belt as she stood there and ogled every. single. item I pulled out of my cart. While she didn’t actually verbalize her thoughts, with every item she saw me place on the belt I could hear her silent critisms.
“Honey nut Cheerios? Why doesn’t she just pour refined white sugar down her throat instead?”
“No name canned tomatoes? Poor thing, she must be one step away from standing in line at the food bank.”
Finally my over-processed blonde friend got bored with snooping through my purchases and took her laser beam gaze to running it up and down my person instead. I could feel her check out the size of my ass when I bent over to get the toilet paper from underneath the cart.
I saw her check out my wedding ring in an obvious attempt to gauge my social status and wealth. Her eyes traveled to my coat, probably looking for missing buttons or stains and she stopped once she saw my footwear.
I love it when people try and pigeon hole another person based strictly on their grocery store purchases and appearance. It’s as if someone could learn something about me based on the fact I wear scuffed cowboy boots and have a preference for oversized bottles of personal lubrication.
Oh wait. Nevermind.
We were getting closer to the holy grail cash register when our cashier called a price check. Within a matter of seconds a brunette male employee rolled his wheelchair over, whispered in the cashier’s ear and then rolled away as she resumed whipping things across the scanner as we waited for our turn at bat.
My new best friend stared in horror at the obviously disabled young man working in his wheel chair and leaned closer to me and whispered, “That’s why I stopped after having two healthy children. I couldn’t imagine raising a disabled child. What kind of quality of life does that man have? Sentenced to work in a grocery store for the rest of his life.”
Ya. Because the abled bodied people choose to work at the grocery store but the big bad world knocks on disabled people’s doors, holds a gun to their head and says “Work at Walmart or else.”
I looked at my new best friend and thought, “I have two choices here Tanis. I can educate this woman or pretend I no speako no inglish and just ignore her.”
It didn’t take long for me to decide which road to take. As per usual, it wasn’t the high road.
Bristling, I looked her square in the eyes and raised my voice slightly. “I have a handicapped son and the quality of his life far exceeds what your limited imagination can conceive.”
To be fair, my new best friend blushed to her freshly bleached roots. But then she apologized to me.
“I’m so sorry. How horrible for you,” she stammered.
It was all I could do not to smack her. But visions of me behind bars while wearing an orange jumpsuit flashed before my eyes, persuading me to go in a different direction.
“It’s not horrible. Quite the opposite. It is different than raising an able-bodied child. But different is wonderful too. And that man in the wheel chair would probably run you down with his chair in the parking lot for thinking his life was less than yours. That it was horrible for his family. For him. Just so you know,” I scolded.
She stood at the cashier, as her items were being scanned and she eyed the man in question and then turned back to me.
“It’s not that I have anything against disabilities,” she assured me as she handed over her cash to beat a hasty retreat from my death glare and that of the cashier who had overheard our entire conversation.
“We adopted a dog from the S.P.C.A. We picked a three-legged dog who was blind in one eye. He was a good dog,” she smiled at us as she grabbed her bag, her receipt and practically ran for the exit.
I just stood there with my jaw on the floor, shocked with disbelief she just compared a disabled mutt to my son, that store employee and any other person with a disability.
The cashier looked at me and rolled her eyes towards my now fleeing new best friend and mocked, “That woman was horrible.”
Shaking my head, I had to agree with her.
“That man,” she continued, “is my brother. And he works part-time here to pay for his university. Stupid people.”
Sing it sister.
I’m hearing you and beating on that drum right beside you.
176 Comments
Thanks for this. More people need to read it.
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Go Tanis! Good for you and you handled it beautifully.
There are special places in hell, also known as real life, for small minded people.
Hopefully you have given her a good education and maybe she’ll start to look past her bleach bottles and bronzer and see the real world and the beauty of differences.
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WOW! What is wrong with people?!
For what it’s worth, I think you showed a great amount of restraint. Good for you.
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Thank you!!!! for saying something!!!! You rock my dear~ you, quite wonderfully, ROCK.
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Oh lord, you’re better than me, I’d have leaped over the cart and beat her with the cheap can of tomatoes!
I HATE people who are so ignorant about such things.
I had someone say something similar (about it being horrible) upon learning my husband was blind. I was no where near as civil as you were.
I’m so sorry you had to run into her. Stupid people should be forced to go the grocery store at off hours only, so the rest of us could shop in peace.
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So what you’re saying is that you need help burying the body?
I’ll be right there, shovel in hand.
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I hate people. I should not work retail. For their sakes. Unfortunately, it’s what I do at this exact moment. Pity the poor folks who come in to my store! PITY THEM!
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What an ass. This is why I hate people.
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Sweet baby Jesus.. people amaze me. She sounds like every other person in my office. After 13 years, I’ve damned near bitten my tongue clean off to keep from doing prison time.
Hang in there.. stay strong.. um.. and stuff.
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Hell, if you’d have run her over with your shopping cart, I would have bailed you out. I have a 10yo with severe disabilities, and there are TOO MANY stupid people in this world who wrongly assume that he’s a burden. Is he a challenge? You bet. But he’s also the best thing that’s ever happened to us - and if these small minded losers would take the time to get to KNOW him instead of assuming he’s not worth it, they’d realize what they’re missing out on. It’s amazing that the CHILDREN in his school that weren’t taught otherwise by their parents see nothing unusual about talking to him and interacting with him, even though he can’t talk back. But even in elementary school, the young versions of your blonde friend are showing themselves, and it’s frightening. We’ve gotten comments, usually well meaning, ranging from “oh that poor child” to “it must be such a hardship” to the award winning - “well, can’t they do a brain transplant”. God, people… take the time to look an inch below the surface and SEE the person, instead of assuming like the dumbass you are.
Sorry, didn’t mean to rant… but damn, did you hit a sore spot for me.
lalana
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WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Sorry…. fuming…. Quality of life? Quality of life comes from loving and being loved, from having a place in this world, from living up to the potential you have, and contributing what you can to those around you…. whatever that may be. Pain does reduce quality of life…. as it is terrible to be in pain all the time. But a disability does not. My sister-in-law was an AMAZING women, struggled greatly with her disability and the pain associated with it, but less deserving of life? less deserving of happiness? making less of a difference to those in her life? NEVER. And neither were the dozens of people I used to work with when doing the Special Olympics. Those Special Olympians were amazing and lived each day with a smile and a charge.
I am glad you didn’t take the high road. Because she was fucking wrong and was in great need of some serious schooling.
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I know she’s your new BFF, and perhaps this makes me a Bad Person, but I would so, so dearly like to bust my foot off in her ass.
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Wow. Just wow.
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Tanis, part of me is wondering if you exaggerated what she said just to make this a better story (it is what I would do). I can’t even visualize an actual human being saying that to another, unless there was some major brouhaha, like the guy in the wheelchair rolling over her foot and then blaming her foot, while cursing her. If she really did say this, I almost feel bad for her, because she sound like she has some serious emotional issues.
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That’s it, T! I’m going to hop on the nearest plane to Canada and give you a fat, sloppy hug.
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Small talk can only lead to bad bad things. That’s why I only talk on the internet where I can kill my account, worst case scenario, and blush in private.
Larry David couldn’t have written a better foot-in-mouth scenario than that.
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If anything I feel sorry for her. It has to be lonely in Ignorant Town.
My favorite part was when she compared a handicapped person to a dog. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my dog, but she is not a human.
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There ain’t no cure for stoopid.
Pity.
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Ugh.
People are SO rude, and SO stupid. They really have no idea.
And people wonder why i am constantly sighing and rolling my eyes.
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What a pathetic soul… Big loud clap for you for bitch slapping her.
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Thank you on behalf of MY son. I think you showed remarkable diplomacy in both your actions and this post!
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I sooooo want to be brave like you. I would have taken the teeth gritting speaka no inglish road. You’re a better woman than I. Which is why I lurrrve you.
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Tanis, I think you did an amazing job of articulating your frustration in this post! I hope that maybe that lady spent the rest of the day thinking about what you said and will change her attitude about disabilities as a result. Either way, good for you for standing up to her. I’m sure the cashier appreciated it as well.
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What a shallow, narrow minded person………
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What an ASS. Who says that?!
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thank you thank you thank you.
every time i had to explain myself and my daughter to someone who asked- “what’s wrong with her?” after seeing her ng tube, i wished there were more folks out there, educating people to look at her and say, “what a beautiful baby girl.”
this post let’s me know that you would be that kind of person. thanks for that.
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Sigh. It’s kinda cute, though, how she kept digging her hole.
And also, the eternal lines from hell are why I keep knitting in my bag. And then if I’d needed to, I could have strangled her with my needles.
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AwwwwHELLNAW she didn’t!!!!
How in the world did you not punch her in the face??? Oh yeah, that self control stuff that you obviously have WAY more of than me!
The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me, and it’s lucky for them I never leave my house. Maybe you going to the store was God’s way of touching & enlightening her? I’m trying hard to find the brighter side here…really REALLY hard!
PS - It probably IS better she stopped at 2 kids if that is the type of ignorance they’re exposed to, I wonder what kind of quality of life THEY have? Breath’n all those peroxide fumes n stuff…
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Neil,
While the tone of my post may have been somewhat flip, I can’t stress enough that what that LADY (and I use the term loosely) said to me was almost verbatim.
When she wasn’t judging a person based on their physical appearance (which she did not only to the man in the wheel chair but to me as well…the only difference is I passed muster,) she was making racist comments about a certain ethnic group that filled that particular store.
She was rude, ignorant and while I may have tried to use humour to defuse my raging anger does not mean I in any way exaggerated the stupidity of this woman.
In fact, I edited out most of her inflammatory comments as they were too offensive for me to reiterate.
If the tone of my post leads you to believe I was in any way exaggerating then I wasn’t effective as a writer and I didn’t achieve my goal with this post. However, perhaps you just haven’t had the general bad luck to be stuck in line with a racist ignorant middle-aged woman who is too self-absorbed to see the value of anything but the size of the diamond on her fingers.
Lucky you.
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Tanis, I love your life. I admire you for putting that chick in her place. Honestly, I’ve had encounters with those people too - ironically enough I HAVE a disability and its always refreshing to educate them on just how wrong they are.
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I am SO glad you said something. That asshat.
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I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, you’re a far better person than I. Had I been in your shoes (which I’m sure are fabulous) I would be in an orange jumpsuit and she would be in a black, rubber bag.
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Geez, Tanis. Didn’t you ever stop to think about that woman and what it must be like for her to have to live life as an ignorant moron? How hard it must be for her parents to live happily, knowing that they could have stopped before producing such a stupid, stupid woman? She’s got a life sentence, you know. It can’t be easy to know that your lot in life is to choke on your own foot while alienating random people in grocery store lineups. Have a heart, for heaven’s sake.
Actually, a boot to the head may have kicked her brain up a notch. Too bad you restrained yourself!
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Just reading your watered-down version of this encounter upset me so much, I jumped up and stalked into the kitchen and raided the refrigerator. (Truth) We adopted special needs twins in 1995 and they have been more of a blessing to us than anyone can imagine.
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What a stupid ignorant bitch I’m glad to hear that you put her in her place.
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You, my internet friend, are a true lady. I would have lost my shit in a hearbeat. Thank you for sharing how ignorant people can be and the proper way to put them in their place.
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OH MY GOD. That woman had no idea who she was dealing with or she’d have kept her ignorant trap SHUT.
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This is my first stop to your blog. I may spend the rest of the night reading the rest of it. People like this make me want to scream out loud in public. I felt this way before my grandson was born disabled but now, I don’t keep my mouth shut. Good for you for telling her how it was. Hopefully she thought about it once she was out of there and won’t do it again.
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That was…I’m aghast.
My sister’s best friend has Down Syndrome and my boyfriend worked as a care giver for the disabled. They are amazing people. That woman needs to be slapped.
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God love you, Tanis. Stupid people just need to be smacked down every once in a while. While I’m glad that you actually took the high road and did it verbally, someone else should have slashed the bitch’s tires.
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Wow….Just stumbled upon your blog for the first time today…..it’s WONDERFUL! As the mom of 2—count’em—2 disabled sons, and one able-bodied daughter, I’ve also experienced my share of the ignorance of others. Hope that next time some blithering moron has something to say, I’m as articulate as you were
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OK, the old me would be fuming along with you, either stabbing her with my cane or crutches or running over her with my powerchair…but I am armed with something new…I am calling it my equanimity. I am finding it more powerful than my old rage at all the people able-bodies and disabled whose feet are frozen permanently in their mouths. Ignorance, I say! They need education and they learn best from clear, kind, gentle, SLOW words. When they manage to upset us with their ignorance we can no longer teach them.
I REALLY believe this! It took me 54 years to stop responding with anger and try a new method - so far so good!
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I’m glad you said something… I would have loved to have been there with you so that I could have kicked her in the ass as she bolted out of the grocery store.
Idiots.
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You were the perfect person to handle that situation. I don’t think it would have been nearly as effective otherwise.
I’m sure that cashier had to have been cheering you on! I know I would have been.
You are such an amazing writer.
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I love you, T.
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My boyfriend has been in a wheelchair for 5 years now. Sometimes I treat him like a dog… but I don’t think that has to do with him being in a wheelchair.
(oh, this is where I say something about my comment being sarcastic, right? Okay, as long as we have that figured out.)
I love this post btw. Thank you for hopefully changing one persons point of view on disabilities.
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I admire your willingness to address her comments, yet not go totally postal on her.
Honestly, I can’t say that I would have handled the situation as calmly. The dog comment would probably pushed me over the edge. That people can be so idiotic is unbelievable.
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I’m wondering if I would have said something.
Thank God that woman ran into someone who did.
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Way to go, Tanis!
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Good for you! People’s ignorance and bigotry are truly amazing. My cousin has severe cerebal palsy and while I can’t pass judgement on the quality of her life, I know she has greatly improved the quality of every single life she ever touched.
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At first, I was like, “Why would Tanis say her best friend’s a twit? I just don’t understand…” Then I read through and I got it - Tanis was being sarcastic! Imagine that!
Anyway, I have a good friend with Cerebral Paulsy and he’s the greatest champion I’ve ever known. I really don’t see special needs as a handicap - I see it as God’s fingerprint. God’s set that person apart for a greater purpose. Anyway, that’s my two cents.
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What an asshat. Maybe all that bleach was absorbed through her head. She’s the type who I hope get Darwin awards. She obviously doesn’t use that itty-bitty head of hers nor does she have a filter. Let’s hope she doesn’t precreate, eh?
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OMG - I have tears in my eyes. I can’t believe people can be that stupid. I don’t know how you didn’t do her bodily harm. I wouldn’t have been able to have been as nice as you.
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The most profound thing I have learned as a parent of a child with a disability is this: no matter who you are, something, at some time, will rock your world and throw you completely off course. It may be disability; it may be something else, but none of us is immune. I thank God my son taught me this relatively early in life. I think it must be harder to learn later in life.
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I am constantly reminded and amazed at the stupidity and ignorance of people. Unbelievable.
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What a sad, ignorant person. Props to you, Tanis, for saying all of that. Hopefully she’ll think nextime before she says something so apalling. But probably not!
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I wanted to applaud you for this post. While I have found you very, very funny (and this post had your usual impeccable wit), this particular post hit home. I have a nearly 3 year old who has Down Syndrome, and he has had a rough time of it (even though he is doing well now). I always wonder how people are going to react to him as he gets older, and goes out on his own (and I am sure he will; he’s smarter than most adults I know, and obviously smarter than the Clairol bimbo you encountered). The blog was put together well, and I am glad u called her out. Good job!
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Why would someone like that assume a random stranger would want to hear such vileness? Oh, that’s right, THEY’RE STUPID.
Tanis, I am commend you for your response. How you managed to NOT clock that troll with a can of tomatos, I don’t know.
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Holy Hell in a grocery cart. You have idiots from Alabama up there?
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See, I would have thought of witty words such as yours only after I’d already gotten home and gotten most of the food put away. I can’t be that quick on my feet when the situation is actually happening.
I hope that woman is thinking about her words a little more now that you’ve schooled her. What an ignoramus.
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Thank you for saying something! This encounter isn’t even the worse that I’ve heard coming out of idiots’ mouths! It’s AMAZING the ignorant and discriminatory shit people will say about the disabled. I can’t even repeat some of what I’ve heard.
My brother is mentally disabled. Here in California where the job market hasn’t been the greatest, he can’t even get work (because yes, people DO discriminate). And it has an awful toll of his self-esteem. He just wants to work like everyone else.
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That was an absolutely amazing post. Thank you for sharing!
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You’re a better woman than I Tanis! She needed a whoopin inflicted on her sorry ignorant ass!!
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Oh, Tanis. Thank you for standing up and taking the lower road…the high road ain’t all it’s cracked up to be sometimes. Stupidity of that caliber isn’t going to change because of one interaction, but maybe..just maybe…she’ll think before she opens her mouth next time.
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Amazing to me how people are such idiots. I swear, when someone opens their mouth so wide they can shove both feet in….They should be slapped
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There oughta be a law … living without a brain.
I can’t even begin to comprehend the idiocy of that woman. Kudos to you for not just slapping her upside the head.
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An enjoyable and affirming story, I admire your forthrightness and dedication to the dignity of all humanity. In reading the comments on your article I am not with criticism of any of their comments as they are written with individual genuine emotion - but wish to only urge caution and consideration in the use of words that separate us from one another (hate, idiots, kicking asses, name calling etc.) which I only offer in suggestion may be the foundational reason why the person lacked a better appreciation for people who engage life differently than herself. The objective ought not be “be one of us or you must be one of them,” but perhaps “I am who I am, I value/appreciate/respect/affirm who you are?” Your article achieves bringing a societal deficency to light in real life terms. It is up to us all to correct it in a manner that is durable and sustainable for everyone, even those we hope to enlighten. Thank you again for your empowering article.
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I’m afraid that right after her disparaging sentences she would have joined the ranks of the disabled with a permanent wheel chair up her ass along side my foot.
What a worthless POS.
Great post and writing Redneck (non-pool-playing) kid-starvin’ Mother Dearest - you done good.
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Tanis,
I don’t believe I’ve ever left you a comment before, But you struck a nerve. People are ignorant. My diabled niece drowned when she was 13 years old, while supposedly supervised by a counselor. The Mayor of her fair city was quoted as saying “She could have drowned on a sidewalk”.
I HATE STUPID.
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Oh T, you did GOOD.
I’m sorry that woman has such a small mind and I’m so sorry she upset you.
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My sister has a learning disability called Dyslexia. I’m sure everyone has at some point in their life said “oops, that was my dyslexia coming out” as if it is a joke. It’s not a joke. And each time someone says it in front of me, I calmly explain to them what Dyslexia is and that my sister lives with it. Notice, I never say “suffers from it”. My sister was recently in a store where the sales clerk said the same thing to her and instead of saying something, like she usually does, she walked out and vowed never to shop there again. What does this solve? The person has not learned what Dyslexia is, this person has not learned to watch what they say, they have not learned that it isn’t a joke. I applaud everyone who stands up to ignorant comments because how else can people learn that what they are saying is ignorant if those who actually know don’t say anything? And by walking away, my sister felt more frustrated when here she was presented with a great opportunity to educate someone who has probably never been told what Dyslexia is.
And I happen to believe that taking the high road IS explaining to someone that what they are saying is ignorant (without calling them ignorant I suppose). How else will they learn?
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That was so incredibly ignorant! Kudos to you for handling that so well.
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I’m nodding in agreement at “that woman was horrible.”
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OMG! You showed more restraint than I would had! I would have gone BUCK on that B**CH’s skanky ASS!
I have a daughter with autism and am very defensive when it comes to her. I get the “I am so sorry for you” bit a lot. Sorry for me? Why, because I have a healthy child with different needs as my other two children?
People can be so ignorant!
Props to you for giving that lady a lesson in humility.
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Good. For. You.
You’ve done her a favor.
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uh…what can I say! She clearly needs a lesson in humility - as so many other people have said.
I admire your determination to put her in her place as politely as possible!!
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Pardon my language, but what a facking bitch.
She is lucky you pictured yourself behind bars and didn’t slap her, because had it been ME in that store, I most definitely would have not held back.
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Wow. I so adore ignorant people. *eye roll* Bravo to you for doing the right thing and telling her off; bonus points for doing it without injuring her!
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I guess i am glad that twit stopped at two kids, too - no person with a disability would desreve someone like her for a mother.
You are a true Mother From Hell
http://www.mothersfromhell2.org/
(this is a compliment!)
(I used to edit the Brimstone Bulletin for the Mothers, back when the Illinois moms had their turn running MFH2)
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OK I already knew you are a better writer…Now I know your a better person. My niece has Downs and my sister refuses to go out in public with us. Entirely due to my whiplash temper, rapid fire tounge and total lack of shame. I so cannot keep my mouth shut when stupid people make stupid comments. And Casey from above: Ignorant Town is unfortunatly the most densly populated township in this world….no pun intended.
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I believe you handled the situation wonderfully. Better than I would have. And a very good answer to Neil. And while you probably didn’t change the woman’s attitude, you may have helped by making her think about what she says to strangers in the future. Thus, preventing someone else the pain, anger and emotions you and the cashier went through.
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Tanis, I have to admit I’m a lurker. I read your blog as often as I can. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you share your joy and your pain. You are a great writer and obviously a great person. My husband and I are about to start the long adoption journey and reading what you have been going through scares me to death, but not enough to make me give up.
People like your “new best friend” amaze me. I taught special education for a few years and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world. I worked with the severly handicapped kids, coached Special Olympics, and was the emergency babysitter for most of their parents. It has been a few years, but everytime I run into one of those kids, their smiles, hugs and sloppy kisses lights up my day.
So, thank you, Tanis for standing up and trying to educate the ignorant and racist.
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I can’t not even fathom that mentality.
Good for you for being the voice for any of us who have been in your shoes.
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I am proud of you for not slapping the bejeezus out of her. I have able-bodied children (one has SID and another is being evaluated for autism, but no one knows their baby like mama and mama knows they’re PERFECT!) and I think I would have had a hard time not beating the crap out of her. Good for your cashier, as well. Perhaps The Universe sent you through that line for a reason, after all.
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Tanis,
I think you did take the high road. The road I would have taken would have involved word like dumbass co*k-sucking whore biatch. Then I probably would have ended up in an orange jumpsuit for assault with a deadly shopping cart.
PS The tone of you post was perfect.
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I’m wondering if she left the store ashamed or even more stuck in her ignorant ways.
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I read your post and was applauding you the whole time. Living in a world of non judgment takes a whole lot of mustering when confronted by certain indivuals. Thank you for sharing.
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You were brilliant.
She obviously had no filter, no brain and no heart. Unfortunately, there is no Oz for her to go to - to acquire any of those badly needed items.
Kudos to you for handling this situation beautifully.
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That bleached blonde is an idiot. Good for you for saying something.
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How dare she, and I would have been WAY ruder than you described.
This actually made me cry a little.
Of course, I’m pretty sure that’s from the PMS…
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God Bless you Tanis..you are so much better than me! I would of beat the holy snot out of her..She apparently doesn’t have teenagers cause there isn’t a kid thats easy to raise!Just remember “Stupid is Forever”
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Good for you Tanis!! That lady deserved everything you gave her and then some. Ignorant people suck.
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As usual Tanis, you got it wrong.
You DID take the high road.
Letting that c-word get away with it would have been the copout low road that most of us would have taken. A 3-legged dog = wheelchair guy, indeed.
You rule. And I’m sure the checkout woman thinks so too.
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PS - I always have to go back and proofread my stuff - I type too fast and hit “send” too fast - pardon all my typos in my above post!
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Good for you for saying something!!! I want to punch the woman thru my computer screen right now. I HATE that people automatically assume different=bad. What a narrow minded idiot!
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I usually read thru everyone else’s comments before I post, but I am literally SHAKING I’m so angry! WTF - that lady is a real piece of work.
I have an aunt that has brittle bone disease, stands about 3′5″ and has used crutches all her life, occasionally the wheelchair after she breaks her legs or has surgery (which happens at least 2-3 times an year). She had to be carried on a pillow to school until she was in 7th or 8th grade and they finally made some crutches small enuf for her. She has worked longer and harder than most people I know. She put herself thru college while working, graduated, and worked for over 30 years, climbing the ladder and finally becoming one of the main “bosses” at her job. She built and paid for her own house. She is NO DIFFERENT that ANYONE else, except for that she has more integrity and ethics than most people I know. She has put up w/ STUPID ASS people’s comments and stares as long as I can remember and still manages to be kind hearted and an example to the rest of our family and society.
She has taught our family from the day that we were born that so called “dis” abled people are no different than the rest of us “abled” people; like I have blonde hair, you have brown eyes, she has short legs, he has a dorky mustache, etc. We all make up for each others short comings, because obviously, some “abled” people are “dis”abled in their way of thinking. Those are the people that have the real disadvantage in life. SMALL MINDS MAKE FOR SMALL PEOPLE.
I could go on for about 3 full pages on different friends of mine that have “dis-abilities”, and about how much more awesome they are than us so-called “normal” people, but I will let someone else have a chance to post too. Thanks for letting me vent my rage….I’m still pissed, but am so proud of you for calling her on her stupidity. We should find out her stats and bombard her w/ hate-mail!!! GRRRRR!
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I am flabbergasted…what a complete and utter moron that woman is.
Please check out this wonderful website:
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
Talk about a joyful man…and he has no limbs. Born without arms or legs, folks. I guess his quality of life would seem sub-standard to that woman in the store, yet he travels all over the world, and reaches out to millions every year.
I think the person with the sub-standard quality of life is the moron who would have joined up with Hitler’s regime, and eliminated anyone not considered perfect.
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Oh, and I agree: you did take the high road. Someone’s got to school her, for Pete’s sake!
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WOW, talk about insensitive! Great job letting her know how insensitive she truly is. People just don’t think before they speak. Crazy!!
PS I always pick the wrong line also, slow and with stupid people that want to talk to me. You would think the no eye contact would be a sure sign to keep themselves, but NOOOOOO!!
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Dear god in heaven the line is like forever here!
How much longer do I have to scroll before I canactually comment? Sheesh! Its worse than a grocery store check out line. So Tanis, My name is not exactly important, but on behalf of all parents everywhere, I want to thank you. Let me start however by saying that my Mom was attached to the social work industry for almost 40 years before she retired. In one form or another she dealt directly with families in various states of need over the years, first as a case worker in Washington DC, then Richmond Va., then Atlanta and surrounding suburbs for a long time. During the time we lived in Georgia she changed tracks in Social Working and went to work for the county’s Mental Health Department, where she dealth directly with kids in varying degrees of developmentally disabled. As a consequence of that, I became exposed to the same groups of people, being somewhat challenged myself. Over the years my association grew and as a young man I volunteered with groups that specialized in helping people with Downs. As a group, almost to the person, they are kinder, better acting people than any other single group of people in the world. There is no more beautiful sight than the beautific smile that graces the face of person with Downs.
I will never forget having seen the Special Olympics moment when during a track event, one young racer lost his footing and fell. The other racers stopped, walked back, helped him up and they all finished together. Name one other sport in the world where the contestants would do that.
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Sorry.. I rambled… =\ I was thrown by the emotion of the subject.
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Wow.
The term ‘ignorance is bliss’ applies to so many people.
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ok, my heart is racing in pure rage at that women,. GEESH,. You handled it wonderfull,y but honestly, some people.
and, well, as for yout hatred of shopping, does your local store deliver?Peapod? That was a lifesaver for me while I was recovering from surgery.
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That made my blood boil. How horrible for you that you had to deal with that ignorant twat.
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damn, some bitches just need a slap. Good for you for telling her to shove it! I know many disabled people with. Much fuller lives than some of the moronic judgybitches out there
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I’m sure she compares homosexuality to pedophilia, too.
I have learned a hell of a lot from you in this area, Tanis. You are probably the only reason I am not going off my rocker with worry over this pregnancy. Because thanks to you, I know that if it happens? IT WILL BE FINE.
(I still want to kick the bitch’s ass, though. Just so we’re clear.)
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I would have made her cry. Period. I am so sick of the fucktards in this damn city.
And seriously if she thinks she is so hot, WTF is she doing shopping at Mother Fucking WalMart?
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I love you Tanis…….but I feel sorry for the ignorant fucking bitch. Peace, Mike.
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I was filled with righteous indignation until I got to the end and read about his sister and paying for university, at which point PMS knocked the raging bitch out of my sales and reduced me to wibbling mush.
Thank you for trying to educate another one of the village’s idiots.
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Ugh. SAILS.
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Unfortunately, stupid cretins like her are everywhere! I live in Australia and I’ve come across a few in my time. I have an 18yr old daughter with Autism and a 13yr old son with ADHD and Asperger syndrome. They are both absolutely gorgeous and the light of my life. There have been endless challenges and a fair bit of heartache along the way, but life is pretty wonderful with them. Any one who dares to insult my children, or any other disabled person to me, will be chewed up and spat out!
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I had a similar experience…also while in hell…errr…I mean the grocery store line. I was checking out and there were two employees; one ringing through my food, the other bagging it. They were chatting away, and hadn’t even acknowledged me yet. Another employee was walking by and stopped to say ‘hi’ or make some kind of joke. He obviously had some sort of disability that affected his speech and gait, but was working the same job as these other two kids. As the employee walked away, after telling his joke, the other two went on to talk about what a r*tard he was…how annoying it was to have to work with him…etc., etc., etc. I couldn’t believe it - I was standing right there! And, I happen to work in Developmental Services, as an advocate for people with disabilities. I asked to speak to the store manager and told her what had happened…her response “Oh, they probably shouldn’t have said that”. I don’t shop at that store anymore.
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Well done for saying the right thing. I hate ignorant people like that.
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Beat on, sister! And congrats for not smacking her …
~Brea
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I am SO glad you did not just ignore her. Hugs!
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Standing on my desk cheering.
(Someone phone Jen - this is a JUST POST!!)
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Way to go, Tanis. I hope in the same situation I would have said something to school that pitiful woman but I’m far more likely to fume silently and complain later.
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I’m so damn hormonal that this made me cry- it made me so mad.
Good for you for saying something to her. High road it was, Tanis!
Nice too that the guy in the wheelchair could probably kick her ass in Jeopardy any day… ha!
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I know this sounds extremely tacky, but my 9 year old son knows that the only time he will not get in trouble for cussing is when he tells me about someone talking bad about another person because of race or disability. At first I tried to explain in the nicest terms I could come up with “they don’t know any better”, “no one ever taught them” but it really sounded like a bunch of crap, so I finally just said “because they are dumb asses”. He doesn’t use it often, knows not to say it to their face (maybe when he gets older but not at 9) and he never says it in front of his little sister. Like I said, sounds tacky but that is the best I could come up with. And I do have to admit it’s kind of funny to hear him whisper, “Mom, did you hear that dumb ass?”
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T your rock!!!
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Dammit. Why do I always get here late?
What? You are telling me she didn’t trot out the old line ‘God only gives special people special children?’
I would have tripped her over. Karma would have forgiven you cause you let her go first and all. And I am sure the checkout girl would have pointed her in the direction of the bandages…
Stoopid people.
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Go, Tanis! I love you even more, now ~ and I wasn’t sure that was possible.
As a fellow mom to a child w/SNs, I sincerely thank you for standing up for your son and the boy at the store. I just wish you could’ve smacked the witch around a little bit w/o it biting you.
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yeah.
my husband is on disablity, he has aspergers. anyways. he’s very very smart. and people are always like. ‘wow! he’s so brilliant, what does he do for a living.’ and im like, well he’s a writer. and they’re like oh, he can make money from that? and im like, well, he’s on disability. he has aspergers. when they hear about the whole ‘disability thing’ they look at him like he’s an alien and everything gets weird. and they talk to him slower.
did they just forget that a minute ago they thought he was some brilliant guy?! then it turns into this weird thing where they’re thinking why would i marry someone like him.
i’ve also been told on more than one occasion i should never have children with him either. because it could be hereditary.
i really hate it. and im really glad you said something. thank you.
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i admire your canadian restraint…that person is sooo damn lucky it was you, and not me there…because after “LifeStar”, Triage,the ER,and a week or two in ICU, the last thing they would of heard would of been the life support plug hitting the hospital floor…but i would of gotten them a priest for last rights…
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I think you handled it with grace. You should be proud.
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I am glad that you decided to educate her and not kick her ass. WTG Tanis!
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Wow! That’s all I can say for a moment.
Okay, I’m back. Truthfully, I think people think without speaking and then dig themselves in deeper holes trying to get out of the one they just created. However, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing all the blessings you receive from ALL your children.
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You’re a better person than me. I would have screamed at her until she keeled over, and then I would have beat her with my no-name canned tomatoes. I wish people weren’t so damned ignorant.
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The stupidity. It pains me.
I’m glad you spoke up and that you refrained from giving her a cowboy-booted ass kicking.
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UN-FREAKIN’-BELIEVABLE! you are amazing, i think i probably would have turned beat red and promptly punched her. well done! =)
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I am so glad you called her on her ignorance. She needed to hear what you had to say. Although it’s apparent she’s too stupid to understand.
My mouth is still on the floor from her complete and utter lack of tact, understanding, compassion, intelligence….good lord I could go on and on.
But I’m glad you handled her. I hope she think before she speaks up again.
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You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/11/five-star-friday-edition-32.html
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Wow.
I am completely and utterly gobsmacked.
I want to fly out there, track her down and smack her.
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Wow. Just wow. I sometimes wish I had the ability to come up with witty retorts to people that say awful things. I mostly just get blindsided and have no way to respond.
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Tanis,
I have multiple sclerosis, am confined to a wheel chair and am loosing the use of both hands and arms. All I can say is Thank You and God bless you and to everybody that has posted here thank you and God bless you all as well
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How shocked am I that someone would be that stupid. Well, I guess not that shocked as it could have been me saying something as dumb but using common sense.
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Tell me you followed her out to the parking lot and ran her stupid ass over.
Good god.
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People never fail to amaze me. Kudos for speaking up. I get too nervous to stick up for my beliefs when someone is outwardly racist/prejudiced, and when I do attempt a defense, it comes out all googledy-gook as if I am the one who must apologize.
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This is why I love you. This, and your boobs. But really: THIS.
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un-be-liev-able. Thank god you were put next to her, is all I can say.
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Powerful.
Hopefully, she will think before she opens her mouth next time.
From a Momma who has dealt with similar issues- you are amazing. I do hope she will take this little bit of education and turn around her nastiness.
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Actually you did take the high road. I think the wrong would have been to not educate her. Hopefully her mind is now not so small as it was. Cos it was pretty darn small.
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Another reason to love you, Tanis. Good for you for setting her straight.
What an idiot.
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Thank you for standing up for disabled people everyone Tanis. Katie has a wonderful life and I’m not sad that she’s disabled. It was hard at first but I’ve come to see how amazing and strong she is. My Katie girl rocks.
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Neil commented earlier wondering if you may have exaggerated in order to enhance your story. . . hate to tell ya Neil, but people do say things this stupid! As the mom of a son with Down syndrome I have heard my fair share. You would be amazed at what some people actually say.
I think you did take the high road, otherwise you would have shamed her far more than you did!
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my older disabled brother, who has spent his life in a wheel chair, is currently in med school to become a surgeon. some people just don’t understand real life. thank you Tanis for this story, very inspiring. i hope i will have the strength some day to stand up to an ignorant person as you were able to.
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I’m horrified someone actually THINKS that way, much less is willing to share such thoughts with a stranger. I’m shocked, appalled and disappointed. Good for you for what you said.
Damn, now you’re really never gonna want to go to the grocery store ever again.
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As a diabled person I’ve had people say similar things to my face one of the many reasons I hope to never have to work in retail ever again but as a poor university student I’m sure I won’t be so lucky
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Good for you, Tanis. I raised a mentally ill child and ran into this attitude all over the place. My “defective” and “horrible” kid is now 21, living on his own, working and is a professional musician. So pooh on her.
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The world is filled with assholes, and some of them are useful..hers isn’t..How can we keep ourselves from hating more people then we like?
Well said and bless you..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
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I love how you handled this!
And might I add that the MAYOR of Vancouver…you know, the city that is hosting the 2010 Olympics…is in a WHEELCHAIR.
So there. Who says that disabled people have to settle for Walmart?
http://www.ccl-cca.ca/CCL/Newsroom/Profiles/PILSamSullivan.htm
I’m adding this post to my delicious bookmarks
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Thank you for choosing not to be silent (then or now). I’d like to say I can’t believe that someone would say that, but I can.
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I’m so glad you said something! You’d have regretted it if you hadn’t. I swear, sometimes people do not have the good sense that God gave a goose.
So, are you having your groceries delivered from now on or what?
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Fabulous! You need to go to the store more often I think who knows who you might educate. They need you Tanis. Need.You.
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HI Tanis! Thanks for telling us this. Are you sure you weren’t in the US? Over here a whole bunch of people think an animals life is worth more than a humans! Shame on her. I have met and worked with more disabled children that are smarter, nicer and will go further in life than most other children. I won’t go into a rant but YOU GO GIRL!
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Dear Lord… poor ignorant woman. Great reply. I always think of something clever AFTER the offender has left the scene.
Her poor, poor dog!!!
BB
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Thanks to Five Star Friday I had the opportunity to see your wonderful post. Good for you. I don’t know what I might have said - I probably would have been struck dumb.
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Thanks to Five Star Friday I had the opportunity to see your wonderful post. Good for you. I don’t know what I might have said - I probably would have been struck dumb. Some people are just clueless.
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Found via Five Star Friday.
I am just stunned. And it took me right back to here: http://creepingtowardsnormal.blogspot.com/2005/07/i-feel-sorry-for-you.html
(sorry about the crappy linkage - it’s the middle of the night, and all of my HTML skills are either asleep, or in the kitchen eating all of the chocolate).
I would never have handled it as well as you did. Bravo!
Thim
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You. Are. Amazing.
I work in a grogery store and many of my co-workers are disabled. Some of them are in wheelchairs, some of them are deaf or mute. All of them are awsome. Everyday it burns my insides out to see cusomters treat them differently. As if a disability makes them stupid or useless.
Thank you for not only standing up to that bitch, but also for standing up in a battle that some people know nothing about.
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Thank you so much for posting it. I can’t stand people who judge and over-criticize everyone and everything, especially when they know little about the person or the situation.
I used to get looks all the time because my niece, who I take grocery shopping sometimes when her parents go on holiday, has Down Syndrome. And you should see the looks!
Because of that and if I’m honest,because I’m a bad cook, I decided to do most of my meal preparation at Supperworks so as to avoid or limit the time at grocery stores and get help with cooking. It’s a great place to prepare meals, pack them for freezing and not have to clean up any of the mess. Here’s a link to their review: http://www.sharesavvy.ca/cities/toronto/reviews/121
Thank you for standing up to her!
Christina
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I hate people. I should not work retail. For their sakes. Unfortunately, it’s what I do at this exact moment. Pity the poor folks who come in to my store! PITY THEM! Thanks for this. More people need to read it.
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OMG! You just reaffirmed my hatred for stupid people. That woman was Ignorance at its finest.
I just got into a big, fat thing with my sister on how she judges people. She sits up on her holier than thou perch and looks down on anybody and everybody that looks, talks, or acts different than she. I HATE THAT!
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Your story gave me goosebumps! Thank you!
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Holy shit. I just…there are no other words…
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You rock Tanis, rock rock rock!
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This is the first time visiting your website..I was directed here by a friend and I am so glad I stopped by.
What a great post! I too have an 8 year old son, “O” with medical issues that requires extensive back surgery every 6 months to try and correct his scoliosis. (btw, Lyle is our ped too!)
We were at the pool last weekend and my son has no desire to cover up all of his scars. His little body looks like a road map after 30+ surgeries but he doesn’t care. Anyway, we were swimming away and a man was staring at him in horror and kept saying “OMG OMG OMG NO WAY!!” under his breath but clearly loud enough for us to hear. As I took a deep breath to tell the man off, “O” swims over to him and says, “Yeah, I got all these scars because I was attacked by a shark”. I have never seen a persons eyes get so big in my life. It was great, and I was (and still am) so proud of my son.
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Stupidity can be found everywhere. Different is beautiful, never think you re better than anyone else.
Tanis is amazing.
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God is so awesome. As I’ve grown in spiritual awareness, I understand better now, than ever before that, we are “ALL” born with a disability whether it be, physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual but believe me, “IT IS”. Some are more obvious than others but, ignorance is one of the biggest that, we will ever encounter.
God has made it perfectly clear that, “My people die, for lack of knowledge”. Take this woman for instance. She hasn’t got a clue, just how disabled, and walking dead, she really is, not to be able to see, God’s beauty in, “A Child’s Eye”, in spite of the physical evidence of the differences. Our differences are what make us so beautiful but, when we’re so self absorbed, and all the world is about, ME, ME, ME, satan has accomplished killing that, individual, right before their very eyes. Now that’s a shame, and a real burden to bare.
Ms. Lady, you did exactly what, God, intended for you to do. You expressed the “JOY” that it brings when you realize just how blessed, and trustworthy you are for, God, to trust you with such a special job as to be, a parent of a child with visual disability.
To have handled that situation, any other way, would have place you in the same place as, “THE DEAD WOMAN WALKING’, who knows not what it means to have, God trust her to the degree that, He trusted you to bare the life, He bared on Calvary.
God trusts you !!! That in itself is enough to keep you going when, the storms are raging, through the, “WALKING DEAD”. We must “ALWAYS” remember, and “NEVER” forget, misery loves company, and when we submit to it, in any negative way, satan has accomplished what, he set out to do, through, “THE WALKING DEAD WOMAN”, in the grocery store.
If nobody has told you lately, they love you, I do, my sister, and you keep on keepin on, for God sees, and, He is The Rewarder of those who, carry out the assignments given to them by, Himself. May God continue to Bless you, and your “BEAUTIFUL CHILD”, in every aspect of the word, and also, the rest of your family too. They need to know that, they too have been chosen by, God, to be part of this assignment. God will one day say, “Good job, My Good, and Faithful Servant”.
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speechless.
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Stupidity can be found everywhere. Different is beautiful, never think you re better than anyone else.
Tanis is amazing.
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Nicely done.
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Great work, I am glad I read this. I must admit I have run into situations like this myself in regards my younger sister (who I am full time carer for) she is not severely disabled but enough to need 24/7 care.
There is an event I need to put on my blog which occurred regarding such discrimination. Nice to know I am not the only one whom speaks up.
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These attitudes concerning quality of life exist the world over. I used to get similar reactions to my own son.
A friend of mine had to take her daughter to hospital recently for an operation. Unfortunately she died, but it looks like the doctors ‘upped’ her dose of morphine to a point which was incompatible with life. - Apparently they thought that she had no quality of life!
Makes my blood boil.
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Thankfully, I don’t come across this situation too often, but I can sympathize. My brother is handicapped with cerebral palsy but is smarter and more personable than many kids his age.
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I agree with everything you said. People can be horrible and think they have the right to say whatever they think. My son has a large birthmark on his face. It is red and angry looking, though it has faded a lot as he got older. People were constantly asking about it. I remember when he was 4, a woman walked up to us and demanded to know what was “wrong with” his face. I politely told her it was a birthmark while my anger built inside. Then my son burst into tears and said “I don’t even know what a birthmark is.” It took every bit of strength that I had not to slap that woman. I worried so much about the harm to his self-esteem caused by such horrible people.
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