My heart raced as I listened to the woman, who was about to make my dreams come true, tell me about my son.
I could hardly pay attention to the voice on the other end of the phone. My heart was thumping in my chest and my ears were buzzing with a thousand little butterflies flapping in my stomach.
I listened to this angel from heaven lady tell me all about the little baby boy who needed a family. I could hardly believe my ears. He sounded too good to be true.
“Would you like to meet him?” she asked, making my fantasy reality. It didn’t take me long to jump all over that offer.
“Absolutely! When can that happen?” I asked eagerly.
“Well, he’s currently in the hospital right now, why don’t you come tomorrow to meet us?”
The first thing I did as soon as I got off the phone was run outside and do a happy dance with a little war whoop call my husband.
At first he didn’t answer the telephone. But I am persistent. So I called back. No answer again. No matter. I’d just keep pressing redial until he finally stopped ignoring me and answered my phone call. I’m thoughtful like that.
“What?” he growled into the phone when he finally answered on my fourth try. “I’m working.”
Ignoring his snarls (I’ve learned over the course of our marriage he’s all bark and no bite) I launched into my story telling him about the phone call and barely taking a breath in between words.
“SLOW DOWN Tanis, I can’t understand you!”
Taking a deep breath, I repeated my sentences and then waited for his response. I was a little nervous because over the course of our adoption quest my husband had insisted on only one thing. He didn’t care what sex the child was, how many medical challenges faced or even how frail the child was. He only insisted the child not be a baby.
Boo was hoping for a child at least three years old.
Me? At this point I’d adopt a two-headed Chihuahua so I was not exactly fussy.
“EIGHT months old?” he repeated. I could tell the wheels in his brain where spinning like windmills.
“That’s right. And he’s really tiny too. He’s not even 12 pounds.”
Silence.
I held my breath, knowing that he had every right to refuse to even consider adopting this child since he was so very young.
Sigh. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to check him out. He sounds perfect even if he is a tad young. But I’m not saying YES, Tanis, I’m just saying go find out more about him so we can discuss this rationally.”
Since I was expecting a flat out NO, I was over the moon. I had visions of baby rattles and diapers dancing through my mind. The loud ticking I had heard in my ears constantly for months, finally quieted at the thought of loving another baby. A baby to call my own.
It was one of the longest nights of my life. The anticipation was killing me. I felt like I was 6 years old again and waiting for Santa to drop through the chimney with a bag full of presents for me to tear through. Morning couldn’t come soon enough. I tossed and turned the entire night.
Finally, daylight broke and I started getting ready to go meet this mysterious child. At this point, I hadn’t said anything to Fric and Frac. I didn’t want to let them down or disappoint them if for some reason this didn’t work out.
Soon enough I found myself walking through familiar hospital doors. Memories of Bug washed over me and I pushed them out of my way. I didn’t want to be bogged down by reliving that nightmare once again. It’s still tough for me to go back to that hospital. Even years later, memories are triggered by the sound and scents of the hospital, inviting my 30 pound angel to sit on my back like an invisible monkey.
I stood waiting in a pediatric waiting room, eyeing my watch and anxiously holding my breath every time someone walked by. I was trying not to get my hopes up, trying not to paint a mental picture of the baby I had learned about. I was desperately trying to remain calm and logical.
Which, if y’all know me, is like asking a child to eat brussel sprouts instead of candy. It doesn’t happen often or very easily.
And then she walked in and smiled a huge grin. “You must be Tanis,” she said as she extended her hand.
“Hi.” Suddenly I felt like I was 12 years old and my mouth was cotton dry. I was so nervous.
We sat down and got to know one another. We talked about the weather briefly as the universal icebreaker and then moved onto talking about a mutual friend. Then we talked a bit about Bug and my family history before she finally opened up about the little boy’s history and health.
And then, finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she asked, “Would you like to meet him?”
Anticipation buzzed through me as I followed her into the little boy’s hospital room. He was in a crib with metal bars, the same crib I used to call Bug’s jail cell. He was so small he took my breath away. He looked so very different than my biological children.
As my new friend chattered away about his family life and his medical records, I barely heard her. I was too busy drinking up this little baby boy with my eyes. He had the prettiest blue eyes and rusty brown hair. His skin was golden, marred with needle pricks and tape residue from i.v. lines.
He watched me; curious to whom this woman was before him who wasn’t wearing nursing scrubs. I reached out with one finger and stroked his tiny little hand to say hello. And he broke into a huge grin.
I melted into a puddle of maternal goo right there at that very moment. All logic and ration and reason flew out the window the moment I laid eyes on those dimples. They were so deep and adorable.
Looking up from his toothless grin I looked at his foster mom and smiled, “He’s beautiful. I didn’t expect that.”
She laughed and admitted she hadn’t wanted to tell me he was cute. “Some people can’t see past the disabilities or his disfigurement, so I thought it best for you to see him for yourself.”
I didn’t see his bent feet or his misshapen hands. I was too busy being dazzled by his cherubic smile and the way he wouldn’t take his eyes off me.
“Would you like to hold him?” she grinned.
I practically lost my head nodding it so vigorously as she carefully lifted him out of the crib, careful not to yank on any of the wires or tubes attached to his body, and placed him into my arms.
Where he immediately morphed from a cherubic angel into a shrieking demon from hell.
I didn’t care. Babies cry. And this baby had more reason to cry than most. I drank his scent in and cuddled him close, while talking with his foster mom about legal details and future plans.
I didn’t want to put him down, but soon it was time to go. I placed him gently back into his crib and took his tiny bent hand into mine. “I’ll be back little dude. I promise.” He just blinked and yawned at me.
I practically floated out of that hospital room. I was excited and ecstatic but trying desperately hard to be rational. This wasn’t a sure deal. You don’t just walk into a hospital room, see a baby and say SOLD! There were legalities to wade through, hurdles to overcome, permission to be granted.
And a family to tell.
So I left with thoughts of baby on my brain, trying to wade through a myriad of conflicting emotions. Suddenly, with the reality of a new family member I was saddened by the thought that Bug may have a brother he would never know. There would be a boy in my family who only knew of his big brother by the dusty photos on my wall and in my scrap books.
It was weird, I won’t lie, to be pumped up with excitement at the thought of adopting this baby while desperately missing another. I worried what my kids would say, what my husband would think.
So I did what any girl would do while waiting for her kids to get home from school and her husband to wake up. I drove to my best friend’s house and spilled the beans. If we were going to depart on this journey it was important to me that I have my best friend’s support.
The Dragonlady a.k.a my best friend, was over the moon. She has a legal background so it was great to bounce off my worries about any legal complications with her savvy mind. I showed her pictures I had taken on my cell phone and we cooed over how cute he was. I passed the afternoon with her, waiting anxiously to be able to go home and talk to my family.
Then the hour came to finally be able to go home and share my news. With the kids on one phone, me on another we called their father. I told the three of them at the same time all about the little blue-eyed baby in the hospital.
We decided long ago that any decision about an adoption prospect we would make together as a family and Fric and Frac would have an equal say. I didn’t have to worry about them though; they were more excited than I was, practically drooling over the pictures on my cell phone.
After hearing about a possible new sibling for themselves, they retreated to celebrate by playing video games, leaving me to talk with their father alone.
“Well, what do you think?” I asked hesitantly.
I could hear clicking on his computer. He was looking through the photos I had sent him. “He sure is cute,” Boo slowly replied.
I waited, biting hard on my tongue, scared to push him into agreeing to proceed with adoption plans for a child he had yet to meet. If we were going to do this I would need to know it was what he wanted.
Silence as Boo thought and I fidgeted. “He’s awfully young. And so little.”
“Yes, he is,” I carefully responded.
“He’s got the same cleft in his chin that I do,” he murmured. Yes, yes he does, I agreed.
“Well Tanis, to be honest, I didn’t think I’d ever agree to a baby but this kid sounds like he is ours.”
Hot damn, I thought to myself as I pumped my fist into the air. SOLD!
“Do it. Go ahead and tell them to start with whatever they need to do to bring him home. I trust your instincts.” Words could not describe the elation that coursed through me.
Suddenly, there was a prospective new Redneck baby number four.
But would the government go along with his foster mom and our plans for adoption? Doubt and worry plagued me as bureaucratic red tape wrapped itself around memories of our adoption application.
I wasn’t naive enough to believe that suddenly the government was going to pat me on the head and say ‘good job’ as they hand me a baby and a bag filled with diapers.
But suddenly I had something I hadn’t had for over two years.
Hope.
To be continued…
215 Comments
Oh wow, just wow! and another cliffhanger!
[Reply]
I am soooo unbelievably excited for you, I check your site every few hours to see if youve updated! I am shaking right now as I type this as I am sooooo excited for you. I am praying that you get this little angel and that he becomes a part of your family! Go Tanis!!!!!!!!!!!
[Reply]
I have TEARS in my eyes. Will be praying for you & the fam!!!
[Reply]
The fact that the story has come this far has given me hope too. Congratulations.
[Reply]
Heh. I am excited and hopeful and I don’t even know you!
[Reply]
I have nothing to say but “!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
[Reply]
wow, this is so exciting. I can’t wait to hear the rest. You aren’t going to kill us with a 4 parter are you…..please for the love of Pete, not a 4 parter.
I am so excited for you guys, I am hoping and praying that it works out.
[Reply]
Dude. There’s a happy ending, isn’t there? ISN’T THERE?!
[Reply]
ARGH! Pins and Needles!
How many parts is this story going to have????
[Reply]
OMG Tanis, my heart is racing and I feel so full of hope for you, your family and that baby boy. I have my fingers crossed for a happy ending to this story.
[Reply]
Again, I can’t comment, I just can’t, knowing this story so well (I remember so well your excitement! Agh. AGH. Am dripping fat tears on my poor baby’s sick head as I type). Just know that I adore you and that your bravery and strength in posting it are an inspiration.
XOXOXOXOXOO
[Reply]
!!!!!!!!!
[Reply]
My heart rejoices and hopes for you…Best wishes for you all.
[Reply]
Another cliffhanger!!! Will you knock it off and tell us what we want to know!!! Just kidding- please don’t make us wait to long for an update.
[Reply]
This better end well. The masses will be unruly if it does not.
[Reply]
dude, this better be shaping up to be the happiest story i’ve heard all week…
so excited and hopeful for you, T.
[Reply]
thoughts and prayers are with you! I really really hope the government doesn’t screw this up!
[Reply]
Oh wow oh wow oh wow! How exciting! I’ve got the prickle in my nose that signifies tears (happy ones, of course). Crossing my fingers for you!
[Reply]
What a magnificent story, and you tell it so well. Thanks.
[Reply]
OH, joyous day. Yes, Tanis, I do believe there is a Santa Claus. Keep breathing, girl.
[Reply]
Dammit, woman, if you’re going to keep us on edge like this, at least either wait until after work hours (in US MST, please) or put some sort of disclaimer at the top so I can at least WARN my coworkers that the blubbering idiot in my cube will pull it together momentarily.
[Reply]
You’ve put tears in my eyes yet again, Tanis. Praying for a happy ending!!
[Reply]
My heart is in my throat, you hussy!
[Reply]
Incredible.
[Reply]
*sobs wildly*
Oh Tanis.
[Reply]
This is just like reading a good book - I can’t wait to find out the HAPPY ending. Don’t keep us waiting too long!!
[Reply]
I’m sure my coworkers are wondering why I’m crying over here in my corner cubicle, but they are all tears of joy.
Please don’t keep us waiting long for the rest of the story (crossing my fingers for the happy ending).
[Reply]
If you make us wait another week for part 3 I’m coming to Canada to find you.
[Reply]
tears. Again. When this baby is yours I’m going to be surrounded by a lake.
[Reply]
Tanis you are killing me! You want us to go through all those emotions that you are/went through don’t you? I’m still praying hard that this little boy is in your arms right now!
[Reply]
Am still sobbing. My kids are looking at me like I’m nuts, and all I can get out is that there is a special little baby out there who is finding a home.
[Reply]
You’re frigging killing me over here. Please, already…
[Reply]
Well, regardless of how this turns out (based on the tone, it HAS to turn out well, right?), I sure am glad that there are families like yours in this world. I love that F&F are excited about it too!
[Reply]
Thanks for making me cry at work. Please, please don’t make us wait so long for the next part!
[Reply]
Last time I just said, “Wow.” So, now you get two — “Wow. Wow.”
[Reply]
Aw Tanis. Please tell us this story has a happy ending.
[Reply]
Oh, Tanis! Wow. I’m trying to hide the tears from my coworkers. This story better have a happy ending!
[Reply]
:: crying tears of joy for you ::
OMG I feel like I’m a part of it. I think that has to be because I’m an adoptive parent too. There is nothing that can truly capture the feeling when you feel them in your arms for the first time. When I first held Zac when he was in foster care, it was like he was just waiting for me. I held him and our eyes literally locked on each other. The foster Mother waived the getting to know you time so we went from a week of visits to three because she said, “it’s obvious, he’s hers”. I’m SO happy for you and your family.
[Reply]
I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story!!!
[Reply]
You making me cry again dammit lol god im praying so hard for you,
[Reply]
Wow, this is so exciting! We all are crossing our fingers, eyes and toes for you!
[Reply]
to be continued
TO BE CONTINUED
AGGGGG KILL ME NOW, MUST KNOW NOW,…DO NOT HAVE PATIENCE
HAVE PATIENCE SIMILAR TO THREE YEAR OLD OMG FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL US
[Reply]
OMG!!! the suspense is killing me!!! Please please tell me there is a happy ending to this story. You and you family deserve it, Tanis.
[Reply]
I am choked up & I am praying for you, your family and your possible little redneck.
[Reply]
Oh wow!!! Tears running down my cheeks as I type this. So excited for you.
And when your hubby said “I trust your instincts” you must have fallen in love with him all over again right then!
[Reply]
I am hoping that cliffhangers mean a HAPPY ending!
[Reply]
Tears in my eyes reading your and your husband’s words. So glad you’ve made it this far. Praying for a great outcome.
[Reply]
I’m crying reading your post - sure hope there is a happy ending coming your way soon! Good luck with the process, I’ll be watching your blog closely for updates (oh ok, I’ll be watching your Twitter actually!!)
[Reply]
Tanis I am so excited for this story to have a hopefully happy ending!
I’m glad Boo finally said yes.
[Reply]
I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes. I will say a prayer that everything works out for you, your family, and that precious little boy.
[Reply]
I’m new to your blog and dammit, you made me cry!
I do hope you get your heart’s desire.
[Reply]
Oh wow. I completely zoned in on this chapter of the story and felt like I was right there when you were talking to the hubby. I really hope we get a happy ending. And SOON!
[Reply]
omg !! come on dont tease us
so exciting!
[Reply]
oh sweetie…what a story! can’t wait to hear. xoxo
[Reply]
Thanks for making me cry so early in the day! I can’t wait to hear more. I would also like to say, you are a beautiful person.
[Reply]
Damn it. I knew I should have kept working but no I thought I’d pop over here real quick and now I’m a blubbering mess. Must think of story to tell coworkers when they ask why I’m sniffling & my eyes are red. You and your family are amazing.
[Reply]
Is it wrong for a man to type “squee”?
[Reply]
My God Tanis,
You have made me cry before, which is crazy, so crazy, I don’t even KNOW you.
But 5 of my kids are adopted. And I know what it is feel that tug, that knowing in your heart. And I want so badly for everything to just fall right into place for you and yours.
I’m praying for you. And your boy.
Corey
[Reply]
OMG, WOW!!! Yet another cliffhanger? Please don’t make us wait to long.
I’m so keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!
[Reply]
Oh please, please let this have a happy beginning….
Keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers like a madwoman ~ ~ ~
[Reply]
I am so excited for you! I can’t wait to hear the rest. I have tears in my eyes reading this.
[Reply]
I have been folowing your site for months, but never commented. I absolutely can’t wait for part 3 of this story. I feel like I know you through your writing, and I could not be more excited and nervous for you! I hope you already have your cherub at home and are drawing it out for us!
[Reply]
there are no words. just know i’ll be smiling the rest of day because of this post.
[Reply]
Wow! So awesome - wishing you and yours all the best….. I hope your hope comes true!!!
[Reply]
*still SQUEEING*
[Reply]
Oh my god, it’s SO exciting
[Reply]
:::glares at you:::
I am entirely not mature enough to wait.
=sigh=
:::sits and waits:::
[Reply]
So happy for you…waiting, waiting, waiting for the next bit of WONDERFUL news.
[Reply]
I couldn’t possibly image that people with hearts as big as yours so willing and eager to take a baby with extra needs wouldn’t be allowed to.
[Reply]
AAAGHGHGHAGHAHGHHHH!!!! KILLING MEEEEEEE!!!!!
[Reply]
I am so excited for you. I am also completely in awe of your ability to open your heart, your arms and your family to a child with extra needs.
[Reply]
Don’t wait too long with the third part, plllleeeeezzzeeee.
[Reply]
Oh, Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, Tanis, yu made me cry. And I am at work (har) so how am I supposed to EXPLAIN that?
Beautiful, amazing. Prayin’ for you kiddo.
[Reply]
Love you. Truly. And I’m not just saying that.
xo
[Reply]
Dude, he sounds so perfect & wonderful & TINY (like my 2 dwarves!!!)
But girl, YOU LEFT ME HANGING! I’m DYING to hear more more more!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT HAPPENED, T?!?!?
Gwen
[Reply]
HURRAY !!!
[Reply]
Fingers crossed and prayers being said, that all turns out well. This little baby is so very, very lucky!
[Reply]
Gosh, my heart is in my throat. I wish you and your family all the best and hope and pray that this works out for you.
It sounds like you and that baby need each other.
[Reply]
Part II was SO worth the wait..,.excellent news. EXCELLENT!
Be sure to give Boo a ’special’ welcome home - the boy deserves a medal…and your undivided attention for at least a few minutes. Wink!
[Reply]
I don’t visit here as often as I’d like, but when I do, I leave in tears. But the tears are always accompanied by new perspective. Thank you, Tanis.
[Reply]
I’m doing my happy dance for you all!! In expectation of the next blog that reads- WOO-WOO, He’s ours!! Ya know that you’ve encouraged me to consider adoption when we decide it’s time for #2? Well, you did. While another of my own would be a blessing, I can’t help but ache for the ones here already without family and in such need of that love.
[Reply]
I am soooooooo LOVING this!!!! I cannot wait to hear more!!!
Anxiously waiting…………..
[Reply]
I’m hoping this all works out. You’d think that the government would want families for children who don’t have them. My best friend just adopted a little boy from Thailand that has some disabilities and it was ridiculous how difficult the Alberta Government was to deal with. It’s just stupid!
[Reply]
It’s beautiful. Keep it flowing m’dear. Smooches.
[Reply]
I know I don’t have to say anything because you KNOW everything I am feeling right now reading this.
So, I’ll just say that I LOVE YOU.
[Reply]
Good Grief! Crying real tears for some crazy Canadian Chick that I don’t even KNOW; and some poor mother-less baby in a hospital somewhere. How ridiculous…. :)!
God Bless you Tanis.
[Reply]
I’m really , really , really hoping this story ends with that beautiful little boy in your arms…for good!
[Reply]
So now I’m sitting here teary-eyed and hoping so badly for this little baby to join your family…please update soon! :o)
[Reply]
Go get your baby! We can’t wait to meet him!
[Reply]
Crying again, woman! You are toying with me… I adore this story but am aware that the outcome is possibly cloudy (her bad mother, I am checking your comments every post!).
Gosh Tanis, you can write!!
Hugs
BB
[Reply]
OMG!! OMG!!! OMG!
K so is it lame that I cried? I blame the hormones. He sounds so adorable, so perfect!! The red tape better get cut fast, because I’ll kick some booty if you have to go through more bullcrap!
I’m so excited and happy for you Tanis, I’ve even forgiven you for the to be continued at the end…but you better post ASAP because I’m so excited!!!!
[Reply]
Crap. I put on makeup and you make me cry.
Hoping all works out well…
[Reply]
Gad T, please finish the story!!!! Or are you still waiting? If so, I am crossing all my fingers and toes for you and Boo.
[Reply]
Wishing, hoping, praying, waiting…
[Reply]
You left us hanging AGAIN!
Tanis - I am on pins and needles. I NEED my happy ending!
[Reply]
i so hope this child gets your family to care for him. ya’ll are special!
[Reply]
OMG I almost cried. I am just dying to hear what happens. I’ve got every finger, and every toe crossed, and every prayer being offered that this works out. Please, keep us posted!
[Reply]
Tanis …. you are an angel … but yet so evil. Please stop doing this to us.
[Reply]
I should know better than to read you at work. I’m torn between bawling my eyes out and screaming “not another to be continued!” Either reaction is going to attract my boss’s attention.
I suspect we’re getting a happy ending. Because if you’re happy, we’re all happy….and lord knows you deserve the joy!
[Reply]
Tears and smiles. Wishing the best for all y’all
[Reply]
Absolutely fantabulous!!!! I’m moved to tears…and goosebumps.
[Reply]
Yer killin’ me.
xxoxoxoxoxoxo
[Reply]
I’m going to do something here that I’ve never done before:
<3
I’ve NEVER busted out the heart emoticon deal. You get my first!
xoxo
[Reply]
I hope your Ok Tanis. Her bad Mother, I went straight looking for her comment and she didn’t let me down, no one needs strength and bravery for a happy ending. My Prayers are with you. Always.
[Reply]
Congrats..just breathe..breathe…o you need to breathe too! If I were younger I’d hold my breath but too old & too fat for all that..will be checking back..
(((((HUGS)))))
((((BIG HUGS))))
[Reply]
Love you babe.
Just know that I love you.
I want to say so much more, but you already know what I want to say so…
[Reply]
I’m holding my breath. Waiting. Just waiting.
[Reply]
so excited for you. seriously, you make me sob. mostly in a good way.
[Reply]
fingers crossed for you please don’t make us wait too long to hear the dramatic conclusion PLEASE. I am crying tears of joy that through the Stollery doors you may just leave with a wonderful special boy
[Reply]
There are no coincidences. That little boy came to be with your family.
I feel like I should wish you many blessings, but you already have them. Well I’ll just wish you more.
[Reply]
Fingers & toes are crossed! Cannot wait to find out!!
[Reply]
OK, thats about enough of the To Be Continued thing. Come on with the rest of the story already. Your torturing us.
[Reply]
I saw her today at the reception.
[Reply]
….and i NEVER cry over posts………..
[Reply]
I just ‘meet’ you and first you make me laugh and then tonight, you make me cry?…yep, sounds like most of my relationships.
[Reply]
I’m dying over here…
[Reply]
Tanis:
I am not entirely certain of the protocol for this, but I have given you an award, as required by Da Roolz! You can see them at Irish Gumbo.
Hope all is well on your end!
[Reply]
Oh, Tanis! You brought tears to my eyes simply imagining the fulfillment that just the sheer possibility of this newest *angel* coming into your life must bring!!
I will be hoping right along with you… it’s *so* tangible, that hope…
I can’t wait to hear the rest!
[Reply]
Tanis, I’m breathless! I’m praying all goes or has gone well.
[Reply]
You are awesome, Boo is awesome, and your kids are awesome. When i read your blog, I feel like I’m reading a book. You’re life can’t be real, you are just too amazing. I wish I lived in Canada and could know you in real life. After only knowing you in blogosphere for almost a year now (always lurking), i AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! I know this has a happy ending, and I can’t wait to hear it!! Love you….
[Reply]
No way….another cliffhanger???! I’m thrilled for you, Tanis!!
[Reply]
Oh sweet little boy!
Oh I hope I hope I hope I hope!
[Reply]
yay! soooo wonderful. my fingers are crossed crossed crossed for a happy ending.
[Reply]
You sure know how to make us cry, either by making us laugh till our stomachs ache, or by piercing or hearts with those beautiful words. Love you, Tanis. And wish you a speedy-bringing-the-blue-eyed-boy-home. And thanks a ton to Fric and Frac, and most importantly Boo, for agreeing and making our dear Tanis happy!
[Reply]
I’ve got tears in my eyes and I am so excited for you and your family. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and hopefully it will all work out. oxoxo
[Reply]
Yayyyyyy!!!!!
Oh my goodness I am so excited for you and the Redneck family.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, all the way down in Nor