Blogging is a funny thing. It allows you to not only reach out and socialize with other people you would normally never interact with in your own circle of reality but it gives you the freedom to morph into the high school rockstar you always wanted to be and could have been if there weren’t those pesky social stereotypes and gigantic geeky green glasses your parents bought for you and made you hide behind.
Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything.
Heh.
This social media platform has morphed geeks everywhere into cyber rockstars. No matter how large your readership is someone out there is reading your words and thinking you are badass.
It’s a powerful, heady thing this blogging power.
Until you are nominated for a blogging award.
And suddenly, you are crushed back into reality, your internet fame dissipated with every vote not cast your way and you are back to being the quiet kid in the back of the class with the big ass green spectacles that have taken over your face, fervently hoping the cool kids don’t use you as their target for spitballs that day.
The cool kids, (in my case,) a passel of freaking political blogs, mock you and your Redneck blog name and wonder why you thought you were worthy enough to play in their sandbox. You are a mommy blog they sneer at you. You can’t seriously hope to be crowned Prom Queen of the Canadian Internet what with your posts about dead kids and feelings and sex talk, they hiss at me.
But I persist, knowing the true power of blogging. Everyone is a rock star, even a lone mother out in the middle of the vast Canadian prairies who puts herself out there to share with the world the power of battery operated toys and the meaning of life.
Sure I don’t write lofty words of wisdom and I don’t sharpen the intellects of the masses by yammering on about the dreary situation of Canadian politics; but I give the world something else. My boobs. On a silver platter. There is value in that, no?
Apparently not enough value as I wasn’t just defeated in the 2008 Weblog awards, I was crushed. By a bunch of pencil chewing, dry as dust, informative and educational political blogs.
Nipple rings and bendy mothers aren’t as cool as progressive blogging and talk of economic reform.
The axis of my world suddenly turned upside down typing that sentence. Seriously, Canadian politics? SERIOUSLY?
So this pathetic mommy blogger loser cool kid is taking her rockstar behind to the nearest candy store and going to self-medicate herself with more chocolate than her dimpled, jiggly arse needs and take a moment to lick her wounded pride, while offering her sincerest congratulations to which ever political blog it was that she has never read nor heard of that whooped her tiny blog’s ass and crushed her fledgling ego with it’s intellectual superiority and won the category of Best Canadian Blog.
As I lick the melted chocolate from my gooey fingertips, I will vow to myself that I will be back. I’ll blog harder, be funnier and maybe even blow the dust off my dictionary to occasionally toss in some fancy words to smarten this place up and give all those political blogs a real run for their money next year.
Like Sanjaya, I will not be defeated by the overwhelming votes of majority.
Because the 2009 Bloggies are quickly arriving, and as the reigning champion for the title of Best Canadian Blog, I’m going to ignore the public’s cry for more blogs with actual intelligent content and do what I do best. I’m going to defend my title with all means available.
That’s right. This means more boob talk peoples. No more playing nice mommy blogger.
I’m letting the girls out and these betches are taking names.
So heads up all you Canadian political bloggers and all you others *cough*Her Bad Mother*cough* who are thinking of wresting the title of Best Canadian Bloggie away from me.
I’m a rockstar in my own mind and me and my big arse green glasses want to win. I may even sing like Sanjaya. You know you want me to.
***I love you Catherine. Don’t beat me.***
***This post brought to you entirely tongue in cheek. I may or may not be riding a sugar high right now and am looking for ways to avoid scrubbing toilets.***
***I love politics. Really. So Mr. Prime Minister, call me. Let’s go watch some hockey together.***
****And a big squishy hug to everyone who did vote for me. You guys rock and help inflate my ego each and every day. I am truly honored that I was nominated and it doesn’t matter how the votes fell, I am just glad I was able to use my picture of Sanjaya. Wink.****
88 Comments
Stupid blog awards don’t know what they’re talking about. Eat more chocolate, and keep writing. We’ll keep reading.
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The me that was all “Um, really, Mom? Brown courderoy pants?” totally voted for you. I say take heart in the ass smacking you gave Abandoned Stuff, and polish up that Bloggies crown, baby!
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You are, and will always be, the best Canadian blogger I will ever see naked.
Because, oh yes, I will.
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I got my ass royally stomped in the weblog awards. STOMPED. in all caps. Seriously.
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Do we get to wrestle naked? Do we? Because I will. OH YES I WILL.
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Abandoned Stuff was crushed. You were merely grazed by a passing bullet.
Oh, and if we’re talking politics…at least you were nominated!
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I wouldn’t say you got crushed…and being a Canadian- I say pffftts (or whatev) to those people who voted for some dry political blog over you!
xo
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Dear Her Bad Mother,
Since in about two weeks you and I are sharing a hotel room, oh yes, there will be naked wrestling.
How could I deprive our readers of that mental image.
heh.
And Momo Fali? Touche, my friend, touche.
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You did come in third place. Do you get a medal? (wink)
Boobs or politics? Hmmmm - TOUGH ONE!
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Poli-whaa?
If it makes you feel better at all, you know you’re going to be kicking my ass royally in the Bloggies. I know, that doesn’t make you feel better, because that’s like, an obvious point. If it helps you out, you can borrow my boobs, too. Maybe there can be a boob carnival. On a PLATINUM platter.
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Ezra who? Canada has politics? I thought they just burned all the good books and called it a day? Well if it makes you feel any better at all I voted for you. Several times actually because you could. And then I sent all the people who read my blog over to vote too. I even told them who to vote for. OK I only have like 10 readers but I have them and they do read my blog! I don’t know how well they follow commands though, they may not have voted. I tried!
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“Canadian politics” I love that. You just made my day! Tanis, you just keep right on telling us about your girls. It’s rather uplifting, seeing as some of us aren’t so gifted in that area.
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Crushed? Hardly. You finished a strong third, miles ahead of the rest. And Esra Levant? He’s a tool and an idiot. Likes to call anyone who disagrees with Israel’s policies anti-semitic. Let the children have their bully, I’m sticking with you!
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God, who wants to read crap about the economy every day. Your blog is way fun and interesting, Tanis.
You win in my book. Although no one buys my book…wait, my book hasn’t even been written, so not sure my vote counts for much.
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And …….. I spit my coffee out all over my monitor when you mentioned Sanjaya. Because don’t we all want to be JUST LIKE HIM?
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You were not crushed, you goof, you were overlooked. Other blogs, that I kindly will not mention, were crushed.
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I didn’t think political blogs belonged in that category, and it was just poor handling on the part of the site running the awards.
In my head, you’re still top Canadian blog!
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I have no doubt that the dude who beat you has erectile dysfunction and lady fingers.
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I nominated you. Well I also nominated Her Bad Mother, but I nominated you.
Us Americans don’t give a rat’s ass about Canadian politics, we’re too caught up in our own tawdry mess.
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It was an honour just to be nominated, right? And listen, I’ll totally vote for you for best Canadian Blog if you vote for me for Best Kept Secret. Deal?
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Dear Her Bad Mother and Redneck Mommy,
If either of you even expect me to hold the camera to record said wrestling events, please remember: I work only for bar shots.
xoxo
motherbumper
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Our PM is Stephen Harper. He ain’t into the cool stuff like hockey. You’ll have to go sweater vest shopping together. And if you have boobies, they just don’t look as good in sweater vests as they do in clingy fabric with plunging necklines. So maybe shopping with Stephen Harper should be avoided if you’re up for another blog award and are planning to showcase the girls. Just sayin’.
Sorry about the defeat. Silly peoples!
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Hey at least you weren’t the poor schmuck with 79 votes!! He ought to feel… special.
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Tanis, as reigning Bloggies champion, will you be coming to SXSW in March?? Hope so!
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I wouldn’t say you were whooped, I think you did pretty darn well. We’ll just have to push a little harder this year, LOL. Keep them girl contained just a little.
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Girl, bring your tits to America, we looove us some nice honkers and you’ll get treated right. At least I hope so, because that’s all I got going for me!
That Bloggie is yours…unless HerBadMother makes good on that offer to tap me some maple syrup her very own self…let me know.
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I looked at one of those blogs and I didn’t see what the big deal was.Yours is sooo much better I voted for you several times and I have never seen your boobs.
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You won in my book, since the other two are not funny in the least, and Canadians should be funny. Thus, those other two are not really Canadian and should be removed from the running. Or something.
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Ah well, some of us didn’t even get nominated. Which is okay, really.
I did vote for you, every day even!
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I voted early and often. I was shocked - truly shocked and awed when I tried- really tied to get thru even one posting on the political blogs in question. BORING. BORING. And even more BORING. Is the result possibly a relection on Canadian blogdom?
I defintely think you need more boob to overcome the evil politcal blogs.
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Don’t be glum!
What all the snooty “intellectual” blogs don’t get is that people like you are real. I read blogs like yours, dooce, dadgonemad, etc. because you present stories like mine (even when they’re completely different) that I can understand, that I can see myself in sometimes. They offer humor and compassion and humanity…whereas political blogs just offer the same stuff I see on the news. I love politics too, but politic blogs are so one-sided that they come off as either smug or whiny. So screw them, you’re awesome
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…and a FABULOUS picture of Sanjaya it is!
I’ll vote for you — you are a total BADASS!
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Crushed? You were not crushed. You came in SECOND and that is nothing to sneeze at…nothing. Congrats on 3rd place and we don’t need no stinkin’ high - brow politico discussions here…I love you just the way you are. Boobs and all.
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Ooops, I meant THIRD. Too much booze for me.
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Sorry, I’ve got barely enough boobies to be considered a girl, so I can’t really contribute to the boobies on a platter thing, but I can tell you that you’re one of my fave candadian mommybloggers (in a tight clique with Mommy is Moody and Mrs. Flinger — please don’t make me pick…I’m sharing a room with ZoeyJane and although she’s a skinny chick, I think she’s got some moves to kick my ass). Anywho, I think you totally rock and I’d love to sit in the cafeteria and eat french fries ANY day!
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Congratulations on the nomination. YOu definitely deserved it!
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just found your blog … love it!
i promise to vote in the next round
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*pffffft* whatever.
I’ve never even been NOMINATED. I’M the total loser sitting alone at the lunch table. So stop with your babbling whining.
Weiner.
(Oh, I totally voted for you… each day I have…. You know.. because I feel sorry for you and the ass kicking you’re taking. LMAO!!)
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I wonder if Canadian politics are as riveting as Australian politics. … probably even less so…which leaves me with no desire to go and actually *look* at a blog about Canadian politics … ’cause … meh.
You are a rockstar in my book.
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You are your own woman and your blog unique. Keep doing what you do so well.
Watching the Golden Globes last night makes me think the Canadian Webblogs need to have various categories.
Oh, and you…were not blown out of the water. It looks like you held your own with the heavy weights.
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Fuck.
I’m so disappointed. I voted every damn day. Even when puking my guts out.
They don’t know what they’re missing, but then, they’ve never made out with you. If they had they obviously would have seen the light.
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Oh you rule. And you didn’t get crushed. Really you didn’t. You ALMOST won. Kinda.
You’re a rock star to me. And isn’t that all that really matters? Yeah RIGHT!
You need some BIG BLOG BLING!! And I wish you would’ve gotten it.
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Those of us here in America now who real winners are. Or at least I do. I have had a lot of practice!
Tanis, you rock. More, please!
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I voted.
and I was really under the impression that a Texan voting for a Canadian rocked about 20 votes per.
I think I voted three times.
Sucks that you didn’t win.
I thought you would. I had faith.
Those other guys are clueless as to what is a good blog.
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Don’t worry mommy– I have a blog and don’t get 1/1000 of your exposure! Feel good dammit!
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Only 3 got double digits with you being one of them, I wouldn’t call that “crushed”. PS I rarely vote in these things and I did vote for you a couple of times!
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hey, look on the bright side…at least you weren’t the poor guy who didn’t even break a hundred. Third place is the new first. You wouldn’t have wanted to be first anyway. all that pressure and expectation to live up to and subsequently disappoint (i kid, truly)……
I love your blog because i can relate to it. being a mom, also being from butt-f*ck-nowhere Alberta, you say to the world what i can only dream of saying out loud. You’re my hero! Don’t change a thing!….well maybe more booby talk
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You totally beat most of the other people! That’s something, isn’t it? Well, I think you’re the best, in any case.
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I don’t know what kind of math you use in Canada but here in the US, taking 3rd place is not getting crushed. It would earn you a freaking Bronze medal in the Olympics for crying out loud. Oh right, sorry to bring up the Olympics…
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You won in my book. It’s a small, commonly unread book, but there you have it… Along with my piddling few votes along the way.
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I demand a recount!
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Please tell me how many political bloggers can get us to laugh AND cry and want to meet you and hide from you all at the same time on a weekly basis? This is like comparing apples to oranges! p.s. I love your blog.
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Oh no! I voted 500 times for Dust My Broom. I got mixed up and thought that was the name of THIS blog!
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You didn’t do too badly, though. But who cares? Next time, I promise to vote for you, even though I’m nowhere close to Canada.
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I’ll bet your boobs are prettier that theirs!
Let’s vote on that, why don’t we?
Oh, and if Katie doesn’t want to hold the camera, let me just say that since my hands are steady enough to make a five hundred yard (translate that into meters… or metres yourself) rifle shot in a crosswind, I will do the honors.
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That was hysterical! And Sanjaya? I think you could kick his ass.
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Ummmm. I have no idea who ANYONE else is on that list. But then I’m from the other side of the freaking world, and really couldn’t give a rats about Canadian politics. (Sorry).
I find the whole voting system a little suspect in the Weblog awards (the one you vote endlessly in)… what the??
Keep it up girlfriend… and stuff the awards. We crown you QUeen of Canada. Will that do?
BB
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ummm… “Abandoned Stuff” was crushed. You just plain old lost. Sorry :-/
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I voted several times, hon! And you had quite the hefty portion of the votes in that section. Being top ten rocks. And being third out of those is NOTHING to whimper about. You did awesome.
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You rock Tanis. I voted for you and I looked at the other blogs and well, I am coming back to you since they have nothing interesting to say and you do! Not only that….I keep hoping for some x-rated stories from you and Boo!!!
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Hey, there - I voted for you, and voted for you, and…etc. And baby, 3rd ain’t bad! It’s definitely not crushed! Who needs political blogs - we’ve just had months of that stuff on TV here in the states. Even unsolicited political phone calls that are exempt from the national Do Not Call list!!! Nope. I’ll take the Redneck Mommy any time! Love you and your blog!
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Aw hells - I don’t even rate an honourable mention as a Canadian blogger - though I am. I’m just there. Writing about cocks and queens.
It keeps me humble.
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After reading all the drama that goes on when it comes to bloggy awards time, I start to really hope that my tiny blog will stay just that - tiny. All the people I interact with are sweet and supportive. (Except one rude girl that made one of my cookie recipes, incorrectly I might add, and then blamed me and said it was a horrible recipe. Punk.) But I am reminded of being in high school again when it comes to stuff like this. I never was very good at popularity contests….
Sorry about the other blog beating you out, but I think you made a great show! Look at all those other dudes, you creamed! Maybe you’ll kick all their asses next year.
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Dude! I totally know where Harper lives. Also due to the fact that my neighbour guards his family when they are in town(he’s RCMP) I’m even aware as to when he is there! We could totally crash his Hockey Night In Canada party. That is if he even watches hockey. He’s an ass like that so he’s probably watching baseball.
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i still want to make out with you…bloggy award or not.
the same can not be said for Ezra Levant
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I’m giving you an award for best chocolate eating nipple twisting redneck sanjaya listening blog.
And I totally mean it, so congrats!
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Big squishy hug back to ya Mama.
You are too cool for school
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Well, as I’m sure Angelina Jolie said after the Golden Globes on Sunday, “it is an honor just to be nominated.”
Right?
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does canada really have politics? come to america where boobs are appreciated
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“Like Sanjaya, I will not be defeated by the overwhelming votes of majority.” And, you know, George Bush. Hee.
If the PM doesn’t want to go to a hockey game with you, I will! (Of course, you may not want to sit with me because I will be wearing a Red Wings jersey).
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Well, at the end of the day, Ezra Levant still has to be Ezra Levant. Not much fun, from the looks of him.
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I voted for you! And nominated you for whatever the fuck the new ones are.
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Ok, I had never heard of this Ezra Levant whatever blog that was kicking your ass in the polls so of course I had to jump the fence and take a peek at what was going on over there. W.T.F?! The eyebrow went up in confusion when I discovered it was a POLITICAL blog! I could think of nothing more boring to do on the internet than to read a political blog, but the internet is filled with pasty computer geeks who no doubt revel in this crap and don’t know whats good for them.
least you came a hearty 3rd place and didn’t get a severe ass whooping. In the world of REAL blogs, you came first place.
Rock on redneck mommy
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I voted - only once
sorry I did mean to get back - the road to hell is paved with good intentions hey???
Sorry you didn’t do better - although you did kick some butts so that is good!!!
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Canada has politics????
Huh, who knew…..
You ARE the Rockstar!
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i voted for you! and you weren’t “crushed”. i mean… you got more votes than i did, for pete’s sake.
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I never even heard of those other blogs. Of course, I hadn’t heard of yours either, but when I saw it, I visited! And voted, numerous times. And linked to you on my blog. You rock!!
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Shit. I voted every day and I thought you had it there for a little while… When you started losing steam I started begging the interwebs to vote in my place.
We’ll work on it next time.
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Hey, at least you were nominated. I wasn’t nominated. Of course, I’m not Canadian. I guess that would have helped, huh?
You’re blog-tastic. Don’t you worry about it!
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Well you are MY favorite canadian blog. Or possibly tied for first with HBM, depending on the day. Which I think you could live with, right?
ANYHOW.
Are you saying that because I’m not one of the cool blog-award-giving kids, I’m just a lurking green-glasses commenter, that my nomination and awarding of Best Canadian Blog don’t COUNT!?!
Hold it, I feel some non-jiggly-butt-needed-self-medication-chocolate coming on.
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Whatevs, you rock on with your bad self.
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Too bad they don’t have a Best Redneck Blogger Award, you’d be a shoe-in. Unless Kid Rock has a blog.
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Hey - you could have gotten 78 votes…
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I totally love you and would read you over political blogs any day. ANY DAY!
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Almost 1800 votes in nothing to balk at. You are a total bad ass.
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Canadian politics. Cute. Your left boob alone leaves more of an impact on this world.
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I agree with Marin; 3rd place ain’t bad at all! Besides, awards don’t mean nothin’. I love you anyway and definitely won’t stop reading anytime soon.
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Third place is great, and I still can’t figure out who votes for a conservative Canadian who thought the the United States president should have been John McCain. *shudders*
You have my vote.
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