Blogging is a funny thing. It allows you to not only reach out and socialize with other people you would normally never interact with in your own circle of reality but it gives you the freedom to morph into the high school rockstar you always wanted to be and could have been if there weren’t those pesky social stereotypes and gigantic geeky green glasses your parents bought for you and made you hide behind.
Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything.
Heh.
This social media platform has morphed geeks everywhere into cyber rockstars. No matter how large your readership is someone out there is reading your words and thinking you are badass.
It’s a powerful, heady thing this blogging power.
Until you are nominated for a blogging award.
And suddenly, you are crushed back into reality, your internet fame dissipated with every vote not cast your way and you are back to being the quiet kid in the back of the class with the big ass green spectacles that have taken over your face, fervently hoping the cool kids don’t use you as their target for spitballs that day.
The cool kids, (in my case,) a passel of freaking political blogs, mock you and your Redneck blog name and wonder why you thought you were worthy enough to play in their sandbox. You are a mommy blog they sneer at you. You can’t seriously hope to be crowned Prom Queen of the Canadian Internet what with your posts about dead kids and feelings and sex talk, they hiss at me.
But I persist, knowing the true power of blogging. Everyone is a rock star, even a lone mother out in the middle of the vast Canadian prairies who puts herself out there to share with the world the power of battery operated toys and the meaning of life.
Sure I don’t write lofty words of wisdom and I don’t sharpen the intellects of the masses by yammering on about the dreary situation of Canadian politics; but I give the world something else. My boobs. On a silver platter. There is value in that, no?
Apparently not enough value as I wasn’t just defeated in the 2008 Weblog awards, I was crushed. By a bunch of pencil chewing, dry as dust, informative and educational political blogs.
Nipple rings and bendy mothers aren’t as cool as progressive blogging and talk of economic reform.
The axis of my world suddenly turned upside down typing that sentence. Seriously, Canadian politics? SERIOUSLY?
So this pathetic mommy blogger loser cool kid is taking her rockstar behind to the nearest candy store and going to self-medicate herself with more chocolate than her dimpled, jiggly arse needs and take a moment to lick her wounded pride, while offering her sincerest congratulations to which ever political blog it was that she has never read nor heard of that whooped her tiny blog’s ass and crushed her fledgling ego with it’s intellectual superiority and won the category of Best Canadian Blog.
As I lick the melted chocolate from my gooey fingertips, I will vow to myself that I will be back. I’ll blog harder, be funnier and maybe even blow the dust off my dictionary to occasionally toss in some fancy words to smarten this place up and give all those political blogs a real run for their money next year.
Like Sanjaya, I will not be defeated by the overwhelming votes of majority.
Because the 2009 Bloggies are quickly arriving, and as the reigning champion for the title of Best Canadian Blog, I’m going to ignore the public’s cry for more blogs with actual intelligent content and do what I do best. I’m going to defend my title with all means available.
That’s right. This means more boob talk peoples. No more playing nice mommy blogger.
I’m letting the girls out and these betches are taking names.
So heads up all you Canadian political bloggers and all you others *cough*Her Bad Mother*cough* who are thinking of wresting the title of Best Canadian Bloggie away from me.
I’m a rockstar in my own mind and me and my big arse green glasses want to win. I may even sing like Sanjaya. You know you want me to.
***I love you Catherine. Don’t beat me.***
***This post brought to you entirely tongue in cheek. I may or may not be riding a sugar high right now and am looking for ways to avoid scrubbing toilets.***
***I love politics. Really. So Mr. Prime Minister, call me. Let’s go watch some hockey together.***
****And a big squishy hug to everyone who did vote for me. You guys rock and help inflate my ego each and every day. I am truly honored that I was nominated and it doesn’t matter how the votes fell, I am just glad I was able to use my picture of Sanjaya. Wink.****
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:08
Stupid blog awards don’t know what they’re talking about. Eat more chocolate, and keep writing. We’ll keep reading.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:08
The me that was all “Um, really, Mom? Brown courderoy pants?” totally voted for you. I say take heart in the ass smacking you gave Abandoned Stuff, and polish up that Bloggies crown, baby!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:11
You are, and will always be, the best Canadian blogger I will ever see naked.
Because, oh yes, I will.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:12
I got my ass royally stomped in the weblog awards. STOMPED. in all caps. Seriously.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:12
Do we get to wrestle naked? Do we? Because I will. OH YES I WILL.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:13
Abandoned Stuff was crushed. You were merely grazed by a passing bullet.
Oh, and if we’re talking politics…at least you were nominated!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:15
I wouldn’t say you got crushed…and being a Canadian- I say pffftts (or whatev) to those people who voted for some dry political blog over you!
xo
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:16
Dear Her Bad Mother,
Since in about two weeks you and I are sharing a hotel room, oh yes, there will be naked wrestling.
How could I deprive our readers of that mental image.
heh.
And Momo Fali? Touche, my friend, touche.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:18
You did come in third place. Do you get a medal? (wink)
Boobs or politics? Hmmmm – TOUGH ONE!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:18
Poli-whaa?
If it makes you feel better at all, you know you’re going to be kicking my ass royally in the Bloggies. I know, that doesn’t make you feel better, because that’s like, an obvious point. If it helps you out, you can borrow my boobs, too. Maybe there can be a boob carnival. On a PLATINUM platter.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:19
Ezra who? Canada has politics? I thought they just burned all the good books and called it a day? Well if it makes you feel any better at all I voted for you. Several times actually because you could. And then I sent all the people who read my blog over to vote too. I even told them who to vote for. OK I only have like 10 readers but I have them and they do read my blog! I don’t know how well they follow commands though, they may not have voted. I tried!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:20
“Canadian politics” I love that. You just made my day! Tanis, you just keep right on telling us about your girls. It’s rather uplifting, seeing as some of us aren’t so gifted in that area.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:24
Crushed? Hardly. You finished a strong third, miles ahead of the rest. And Esra Levant? He’s a tool and an idiot. Likes to call anyone who disagrees with Israel’s policies anti-semitic. Let the children have their bully, I’m sticking with you!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:26
God, who wants to read crap about the economy every day. Your blog is way fun and interesting, Tanis.
You win in my book. Although no one buys my book…wait, my book hasn’t even been written, so not sure my vote counts for much.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:40
And …….. I spit my coffee out all over my monitor when you mentioned Sanjaya. Because don’t we all want to be JUST LIKE HIM?
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:48
You were not crushed, you goof, you were overlooked. Other blogs, that I kindly will not mention, were crushed.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:51
I didn’t think political blogs belonged in that category, and it was just poor handling on the part of the site running the awards.
In my head, you’re still top Canadian blog!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:51
I have no doubt that the dude who beat you has erectile dysfunction and lady fingers.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:51
I nominated you. Well I also nominated Her Bad Mother, but I nominated you.
Us Americans don’t give a rat’s ass about Canadian politics, we’re too caught up in our own tawdry mess.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:52
It was an honour just to be nominated, right? And listen, I’ll totally vote for you for best Canadian Blog if you vote for me for Best Kept Secret. Deal?
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 15:55
Dear Her Bad Mother and Redneck Mommy,
If either of you even expect me to hold the camera to record said wrestling events, please remember: I work only for bar shots.
xoxo
motherbumper
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 16:16
Our PM is Stephen Harper. He ain’t into the cool stuff like hockey. You’ll have to go sweater vest shopping together. And if you have boobies, they just don’t look as good in sweater vests as they do in clingy fabric with plunging necklines. So maybe shopping with Stephen Harper should be avoided if you’re up for another blog award and are planning to showcase the girls. Just sayin’.
Sorry about the defeat. Silly peoples!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 16:20
Hey at least you weren’t the poor schmuck with 79 votes!! He ought to feel… special.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 16:40
Tanis, as reigning Bloggies champion, will you be coming to SXSW in March?? Hope so!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 16:47
I wouldn’t say you were whooped, I think you did pretty darn well. We’ll just have to push a little harder this year, LOL. Keep them girl contained just a little.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:08
Girl, bring your tits to America, we looove us some nice honkers and you’ll get treated right. At least I hope so, because that’s all I got going for me!
That Bloggie is yours…unless HerBadMother makes good on that offer to tap me some maple syrup her very own self…let me know.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:17
I looked at one of those blogs and I didn’t see what the big deal was.Yours is sooo much better I voted for you several times and I have never seen your boobs.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:29
You won in my book, since the other two are not funny in the least, and Canadians should be funny. Thus, those other two are not really Canadian and should be removed from the running. Or something.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:29
Ah well, some of us didn’t even get nominated. Which is okay, really.
I did vote for you, every day even!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:33
I voted early and often. I was shocked – truly shocked and awed when I tried- really tied to get thru even one posting on the political blogs in question. BORING. BORING. And even more BORING. Is the result possibly a relection on Canadian blogdom?
I defintely think you need more boob to overcome the evil politcal blogs.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 17:56
Don’t be glum!
What all the snooty “intellectual” blogs don’t get is that people like you are real. I read blogs like yours, dooce, dadgonemad, etc. because you present stories like mine (even when they’re completely different) that I can understand, that I can see myself in sometimes. They offer humor and compassion and humanity…whereas political blogs just offer the same stuff I see on the news. I love politics too, but politic blogs are so one-sided that they come off as either smug or whiny. So screw them, you’re awesome
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:01
…and a FABULOUS picture of Sanjaya it is!
I’ll vote for you — you are a total BADASS!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:10
Crushed? You were not crushed. You came in SECOND and that is nothing to sneeze at…nothing. Congrats on 3rd place and we don’t need no stinkin’ high – brow politico discussions here…I love you just the way you are. Boobs and all.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:11
Ooops, I meant THIRD. Too much booze for me.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:11
Sorry, I’ve got barely enough boobies to be considered a girl, so I can’t really contribute to the boobies on a platter thing, but I can tell you that you’re one of my fave candadian mommybloggers (in a tight clique with Mommy is Moody and Mrs. Flinger — please don’t make me pick…I’m sharing a room with ZoeyJane and although she’s a skinny chick, I think she’s got some moves to kick my ass). Anywho, I think you totally rock and I’d love to sit in the cafeteria and eat french fries ANY day!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:27
Congratulations on the nomination. YOu definitely deserved it!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 18:37
just found your blog … love it!
i promise to vote in the next round
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 19:26
*pffffft* whatever.
I’ve never even been NOMINATED. I’M the total loser sitting alone at the lunch table. So stop with your babbling whining.
Weiner.
(Oh, I totally voted for you… each day I have…. You know.. because I feel sorry for you and the ass kicking you’re taking. LMAO!!)
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 19:37
I wonder if Canadian politics are as riveting as Australian politics. … probably even less so…which leaves me with no desire to go and actually *look* at a blog about Canadian politics … ’cause … meh.
You are a rockstar in my book.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 19:41
You are your own woman and your blog unique. Keep doing what you do so well.
Watching the Golden Globes last night makes me think the Canadian Webblogs need to have various categories.
Oh, and you…were not blown out of the water. It looks like you held your own with the heavy weights.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 19:53
Fuck.
I’m so disappointed. I voted every damn day. Even when puking my guts out.
They don’t know what they’re missing, but then, they’ve never made out with you. If they had they obviously would have seen the light.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 20:07
Oh you rule. And you didn’t get crushed. Really you didn’t. You ALMOST won. Kinda.
You’re a rock star to me. And isn’t that all that really matters? Yeah RIGHT!
You need some BIG BLOG BLING!! And I wish you would’ve gotten it.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 20:10
Those of us here in America now who real winners are. Or at least I do. I have had a lot of practice!
Tanis, you rock. More, please!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 20:17
I voted.
and I was really under the impression that a Texan voting for a Canadian rocked about 20 votes per.
I think I voted three times.
Sucks that you didn’t win.
I thought you would. I had faith.
Those other guys are clueless as to what is a good blog.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 20:35
Don’t worry mommy– I have a blog and don’t get 1/1000 of your exposure! Feel good dammit!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 21:00
Only 3 got double digits with you being one of them, I wouldn’t call that “crushed”. PS I rarely vote in these things and I did vote for you a couple of times!
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 21:04
hey, look on the bright side…at least you weren’t the poor guy who didn’t even break a hundred. Third place is the new first. You wouldn’t have wanted to be first anyway. all that pressure and expectation to live up to and subsequently disappoint (i kid, truly)……
I love your blog because i can relate to it. being a mom, also being from butt-f*ck-nowhere Alberta, you say to the world what i can only dream of saying out loud. You’re my hero! Don’t change a thing!….well maybe more booby talk
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 21:32
You totally beat most of the other people! That’s something, isn’t it? Well, I think you’re the best, in any case.
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 21:53
I don’t know what kind of math you use in Canada but here in the US, taking 3rd place is not getting crushed. It would earn you a freaking Bronze medal in the Olympics for crying out loud. Oh right, sorry to bring up the Olympics…
Monday, 12 January, 2009 at 21:54
You won in my book. It’s a small, commonly unread book, but there you have it… Along with my piddling few votes along the way.