For a nanosecond of my life I worked at a television station. This was before I gave birth to Bug and I was still young and impressionable with stars in my eyes and had a ‘kick me’ sign pinned to my forehead.
I loved the people at the television station but it didn’t take me long to realize I would rather bathe in a vat of acid, rip out my tongue and beat myself with it and then volunteer to model nude in for a college art class before spending my days anywhere near a camera.
Like pygmies out in the wilds of Africa or New Zealand or where ever the heck it is they live, I believe a camera sucks out my soul and leaves another double chin behind in return.
Still, when the good ladies at BlogHer asked me to tape a short piece for their new program, BackTalk, I couldn’t think of a valid reason to say no resist.
Surely this wouldn’t be more embarrassing than waxing poetic about beaver fever, cock rings or warming lube.
I’m not talking about the ole cooter yet again and I would keep my clothes on.
(Although they did expressly state I was not to show my boobs and to try and keep it clean. Such prudes. Wink.)
Go ahead and watch. It’s totally work friendly. I promise.
Not bad, right?
They TOTALLY edited me to make me sound more rational and intelligent and less Tanis-y.
Can’t say I blame them.
Here’s what you didn’t see:
I totally should have worn lingerie while doing this.
Heh.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 13:20
God, I love you, Tanis. That’s soooo freakin’ funny!!!!!!!!
xoxoxo G.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 13:31
omg i love you…
Is it wrong of me to think that the other mommies were kind of prudish and stuck up??? I personally think you’re HILARIOUS!! And, while I myself have never blogged such risque topics as burning genitalia (I never laughed so hard in my life btw!!) I look forward to the day when I can feel as free and easy in my blogging as you do!! You’re my hero!!! roflmao…
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 14:37
computer…$800
bottle of Southern Comfort to drink while i read your blog…$20
can of Copenhagen for my nicotine addiction…$3.50
your face when you said “sticky”…PRICELESS!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 14:40
I thought it was great!
Loves the outtakes….
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 16:15
You are so wise. Thank you so much for all of the advice.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 16:49
And the Oscar goes to
Tanis Miller
for best comedic performance in a “mommy”blogger video.
Loved.it. Srsly.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 18:56
Maybe I’ll try the barking on our anniversary. I know I’ll be getting sticky, but hopefully not too warm.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 19:46
Luckily, I’ve only been caught wrestling with the dog.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 20:47
those poor women were way out of their league with you on there. You blew them away!
The sticky thing…hilarious.
Hasn’t happened to me yet but I best brace myself and come up with a plan
Kellie
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 21:12
Well well done! LOVED the unedited version!
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 8:44
HYSTERICAL.
Holy shit, that’s funny.
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 10:33
“I believe a camera sucks out my soul and leaves another double chin behind in return.” And here I thought I was the only one, lol
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 12:59
Totally hope this weekend leads to lots of barking and stickiness and ya prolly gonna lock that bedroom door teens are very unfogiving
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 13:13
That video is even better on Dayquil. Because I just kept staring at that piece of hair above your left eye, wondering if you were going to move it out of the way, if it was growing longer as I stared, if it was going to poke you in the eye…
Good times.
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 15:19
My wife banned talk of sex on my blog.
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 18:44
Ok I have to agree – your unedited version was WAAAAY better. Mebbe we should all chip in for a pole-ectomy for those other chicks, eh? Or do they do that for free up there in Canada – oh wait, they were prolly uninsured Americans who just didn’t have the money to have the pole removed from their arses LOL Poor chicks
You rock and are too terribly funny! “sticky” hehehe
We never hid much about sex from our kids, but we are Pagan/Wiccan and when one of our biggest celebrations involves dancing around a giant phallic symbol (maypole) and “blessing the land” in so many ways, they kind of get all yawn-y about it.
J and I have never been walked in on because 1) Kelly has learned to knock, and 2)13 yo Kelly srsly has no desire to see nekkid mom and josh “getting their freak on”, as you say, so eloquently.
“Sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.” Thank you George Michaels
Friday, 27 February, 2009 at 20:40
Ooooo tanis – you have given me the BEST laugh I’ve had all week. Thanks – I really needed to laugh.
Saturday, 28 February, 2009 at 11:59
I totally watched this like twice when @Queenofspain twittered it. And you are a riot! Real life is the funniest thing..and you also look fabulous
Saturday, 28 February, 2009 at 18:17
EVerytime I come here I end up pee’ing on myself….why must you do this to me…ugh
Saturday, 28 February, 2009 at 19:48
Too funny!
Been there – although, THANK GOD, in a previous life – meaning the EX IS GONE!!! Woo Hoo! Oh wait, that means no reason to lock doors . . . or lie . . . oh well, definitely better for me (in the long run, wink)!
Just wanted to ask, is your “Supa-Staar” post related in anyway to the silly (but funny!) movie with Will Ferrall(sp?) – my kids have, since we viewed it three weeks ago, used the that term more than I can count . . . yes, I am raising a team of rednecks myself!
Devan in KY, USA
Saturday, 28 February, 2009 at 20:20
I love your blog, and I really loved this post! Excellent, you keep me in stitches!
Saturday, 28 February, 2009 at 21:10
Dear lord, where to begin?
First, I don’t get why people are so afraid of talking about sex, or having their kids find out about their blogs online and reading about sex… if my kids find my blog and read ’soul-shattering blow job’, I can GUARANTEE you that they will NEVER, EVER read my blog again. Problem? Solved.
Next, you said ‘Sticky situation’. BWAHAHAHAAA! Oh god. And then?? Then, YOU got STUCK on it! I totally know what was going on in your head ‘oh god, did I just say that? I want to laugh like a teenage boy telling his first fart joke but I’m a PROFESSIONAL… oh god, i’m going to giggle and then start snorting through my nose and then BlogHer will NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY EVER AGAIN’. Or, That’s what would have gone on in MY head, anyway. And I TOTALLY would have snorted.
xo
b.
Sunday, 1 March, 2009 at 8:56
ohmygod!
HAHAHAHAH!!
You cracked me up… As soon as you said the word “sticky” I was like, WHAAA??? *snort*
Then YOU got um… distracted.
Oh. My. Goodness, Girl!
I love you more and more all the time. And yeah, your “outtakes” were the best part of the Otherwise-MindBlowingly-Boring video. Dude.
Good start to a Sunday morning.
But where is this accent everyone’s talking about??? Accent? Really? Hm. Maybe I have the same one so I don’t hear it.
You rock, babe. *smooches*
Sunday, 1 March, 2009 at 11:54
Ha, the old wrestling excuse…
Sunday, 1 March, 2009 at 15:55
Tickle fight. It’s on.
Sunday, 1 March, 2009 at 19:13
Sticky….sorry, can’t move past it. I’m laughing too hard.
Monday, 2 March, 2009 at 7:29
I’ve never plugged a post I have written and I find it so tacky when people do. But this is pretty much the story of my life:
http://www.smartassmom.com/2008/12/boom-boom-room.html
Monday, 2 March, 2009 at 17:02
Can I just say how sad I am that your 2nd video wouldn’t play for me?
Wednesday, 4 March, 2009 at 20:02
Love it! Now for the reality show offers…
Thursday, 5 March, 2009 at 23:52
I got to sticky and died laughing.
Then “still thinking about sticky”
have to go change mah draws now, woman.
Sunday, 8 March, 2009 at 2:18
How the hell did you keep a straight face in the unedited? I’m crying I am laughing so hard.
Monday, 9 March, 2009 at 1:01
No barking? That is totally not fun.
You are too darn funny. Consider yourself in my reader.
Wednesday, 11 March, 2009 at 17:46
Normally I read through other comments to make sure I don’t get repetitive, but screw that you’ve got to many adoring fans. So I’ll just say that you rocked that segment, you’re hilarious and I happen to know from previous posts that you DO, in fact, bark like a dog.
Friday, 17 April, 2009 at 16:20
your a very beutiful women, and funny too, boos a very lucky guy ever though about makkng porn?