For a nanosecond of my life I worked at a television station. This was before I gave birth to Bug and I was still young and impressionable with stars in my eyes and had a ‘kick me’ sign pinned to my forehead.
I loved the people at the television station but it didn’t take me long to realize I would rather bathe in a vat of acid, rip out my tongue and beat myself with it and then volunteer to model nude in for a college art class before spending my days anywhere near a camera.
Like pygmies out in the wilds of Africa or New Zealand or where ever the heck it is they live, I believe a camera sucks out my soul and leaves another double chin behind in return.
Still, when the good ladies at BlogHer asked me to tape a short piece for their new program, BackTalk, I couldn’t think of a valid reason to say no resist.
Surely this wouldn’t be more embarrassing than waxing poetic about beaver fever, cock rings or warming lube.
I’m not talking about the ole cooter yet again and I would keep my clothes on.
(Although they did expressly state I was not to show my boobs and to try and keep it clean. Such prudes. Wink.)
Go ahead and watch. It’s totally work friendly. I promise.
Not bad, right?
They TOTALLY edited me to make me sound more rational and intelligent and less Tanis-y.
Can’t say I blame them.
Here’s what you didn’t see:
I totally should have worn lingerie while doing this.
Heh.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:28
Wouldn’t it be more confusing to explain why you were wrestling?
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:34
Great job! Though, I think your unedited version is way better.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:35
ROFLMFAO
My husband is addicted to your wise words of wisdom.
See what you can achieve with a whip, a chair and 5 spare mins?
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:35
OMG!!!!!!! Okay, they TOTALLY should have used your video!
Woof Woof baby.
Hail Mary Amen.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:44
I love the unedited version! Giggles’ TV is coming in pretty handy-she turns the volume waaaaay up before she goes to bed. I swear that kid has ears like a hawk. I think my office in the basement & our bedroom upstairs might be doing the switcheroo sooner than later.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:47
My parents were totally truthful when I walked in on them and even then, I knew it was too much information. ” Wrestling” would have saved me sooo much in therapy.
I too enjoyed the unedited version.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:49
How she could not make a comment as she closed her laptop on you saying “…Getting our freak on!” is an absolute mystery to me!
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 17:53
I don’t know, I’m kind of fond of the phrase,”Getting their FREAK on”- edited or not that’s funny stuff.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 18:14
Our wrestling was called “Playing a game of ‘Hug-Bug’” Still, the kids wanted to know why we played it nekkid.
PS: Tanis, Why U No Follow Me, Girl? @vintagesquirrel
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 18:19
Dude, you are freaking hilarious.
Also, my tip to avoid the dreaded Walk-In: door lock. Yeah, it is a small interruption in the action to lock it, but I’m pretty sure seeing my kids standing there would guarantee I would never have sex again.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 18:42
Moans to god. That’s BRILLIANT.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 18:47
Wrestling doesn’t fly with a teen.
Just giving you the heads up.
Just hide under the covers for, a week is good, and then no eye contact.
*shudder*
Loving hearing your accent. Totally having this on loop all day to keep me company.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 18:55
It’s even harder to explain wrestling yourself.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:02
Tickle. Torture.
I love you.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:04
I about peed myself over moans are prayers to God. That’s hysterical. People need to learn not to be so stuffy.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:19
Oh my god your awesome. You rock! They definitely should of used the second one also.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:21
Okay, with all the sex talk, how come the thing I notice most is that at the end she says “blogher.com backslash backtalk.” It’s SLASH, not backslash. Argh! Boy does that get me!
And, oh yeah, do it in lingerie next time.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:32
How hard is it to put a lock on the door? When I told the hubs that he would get it more if our door actually locked, he high tailed to the Home Depot and the lock was on the next day. Now, when one of us locks the door it is considered foreplay.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:38
OH I’m all about the unedited version. And you look so pretty! As they say on American Idol (which I’m also watching right now), the camera loves you!
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 19:56
Totally exellent. Unedited rocks!…p.s.. you’re a very wise woman!…lol
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:16
Awesome!
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:22
Holy hell you look HAWT!
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:24
I so totally love you.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:32
Tanis, I love you.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:33
Oh and see now I am a copy cat for saying that. Damn it.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:33
Tanis, you are kind of awesome! And you made me remember the time that our daughter walked in and jumped on top of us to join in the “wrestling match”. Sigh.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 20:35
RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 21:26
I loved your unedited version.
Not too keen on the backtalk episode itself, the host is horrible, she speaks like stereotypical ‘boring house mom’ who’s afraid to say s-e-x without whispering it like a bad word. It’s sex lady! Gah..
But you were awesome.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 21:58
Call me crazy, but down here in the States, we have things called “locks” for bedroom doors.
And white noise machines.
And six-inch thick concrete reinforcing walls.
And apparently, less horny wives.
God, fix the weather up there in Canada and I’ll be moving there in a heartbeat.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 22:05
I walked in on my parents when I was in high school and was anxious for them to go to bed so I could sneak out of the house. I was totally clueless and yelled, “WILL YOU BE QUIET, I’M TRYONG TO SLEEP!”. It didn’t occur to me until *after* the fact what they were doing. I was totally mortified and scarred for life. I don’t think they ever did it again and divorced two years later. I blame myself.
Lesson Of The Day: Lock the door.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 22:21
Gettin’ yer fuhhh-reak on, huh?!!!!! I’ll file that one away for later
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 22:42
Hee hee, I passed off my moans as he was giving me a back rub…that has to be better than the truth, right? Now way would they have believed moans to God…nor would I blow all of the roadwork I’ve set to the path of heathenism just to avoid future therapy bills.
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 23:23
nice!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 0:15
LMAO – We’re gettin’ our freak on! Great job Tanis. I can’t believe they edited out the important parts.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 4:28
Brilliant!!! I love it!!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 5:32
Three words.
Horizontal bed dancing.
That and you come in ONE more time, we will take you out from this earth and do that act again and make a replacement for you.
Oh, thats right, your fixed.
LOL
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 5:46
um, what’s with the backtalk hostess? is she really necessary? she’s painful to watch. it’s like a bad PSA. i like the interview parts, and the remainder of your video totally should’ve been included
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 5:59
That’s some quality advice right there. There is a British expression “Knocking a round off” which could be linked to your previous wrestling explanation.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 6:18
I totally LOL’d when you got stick on sticky. TOO funny.
They so should have used your unedited version. But, “getting your freak on”?! OMG you kill me. I love your honesty with your kids.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 7:45
Whoa! That was one extremem close up at the end. I thought you were brilliant on the BlogHer video, and at the conference this year, they should put together some of the footage they edited out for blooper reels, don’t you think?
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 7:57
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
::Gasps for air::
That was so funny!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 9:15
the outtakes? WAY better than what was actually used. heh.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 9:55
You totally stole the show!
I’ve never seen Backtalk, and now I know why…bunch of uptight women who really, really need to get laid. Geesh.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 9:57
Love the bloopers reel. Laughing too hard. Can’t come up with a cohesive comment. Gotta go “pray” now!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 10:43
You will be lucky if invited to this year’s BlogHer after that.
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 10:54
wait a minute…back up to the cock rings and beaver fever things.
boobs, cleavage, naked….I love your posts!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 11:46
Oh! Oh God, I love you. (laughing hysterically, not moaning to God)
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 12:13
Okay, seriously. Your video was sooo much better than anything in that whole show. I finally just skimmed forward to find your part. And trust me, it takes a lot to bore me nowadays. Anyhoo, you are hilarious! My oldest brother is still scarred from what he HEARD my mom saying to my dad when he was a little kid. He still won’t tell anyone what exactly she said but … it must have been pretty good.
)
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 12:14
Bwahaha. Hillarious!
Thursday, 26 February, 2009 at 12:58
I have to say, I thought you were swell on backtalk, but this video made me laugh a lot harder.