So my internal clock is a wee screwed up after making the switch to Pacific time after living my entire life on Mountain Standard time.
Which meant I woke up this morning thinking I over slept and it turns out it was only 6 a.m. Farcklenuts. I would have crawled back into bed but I was sharing it with a kitty who liked to lay on my head and while that may sound sensual and arousing, I was a little tired of breathing in pussy hair.
(Oh google pervs, I live to serve you. I can’t help myself with the innuendo.)
So what does one do when one is up before the roosters crow and the entire house hold remains asleep except for one teeny tiny three year old who is determined to make as much noise as possible so everyone rub the sleep out of their eyes prematurely?
If one is me and has no sense of shame, one opens up the laptop computer and turns on the camera.
Welcome to my life on the road.
I hope Motherbumper and Herbadmother are enjoying their restful slumber.
Bitches.
I would like the record to show that it’s damn early in the morning, I haven’t had a shower yet and there may be a distinct odour wafting up from my underarms. Yet I am throwing vanity (and common sense) out the window to show you how a true redneck auntie bribes a child into silence in the early morning so her friends can get their beauty sleep.
Yes, I threw myself on the altar of self-sacrifice this time and dammit, I’d better get a cookie for it later on today.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 7:57
You are the bestest friend any mommy could hope for!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 8:05
Everyone should have an auntie like you.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 8:10
Which one is your normal facial expression? My guess is photo #3.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 8:20
I’m near Seattle. My kids need an auntie like you… wait. IIIIIII need an auntie like you… I mean I need for MY kids to have an auntie like you. *rubs eyes*
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 8:25
This is the cutest set of photos EVER. And you look great, shut up.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 8:28
You are both gorgeous! I love the photos (and the fact that you let your friends sleep. I miss sleep!)
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 9:04
Ah! A couple of angel faces!
Hope the rest of your adventure is fantastic!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 9:04
Awesome! You can come babysit my monkeys anytime!
btw – “google pervs” love the phrase! After one innocent post on Giada from Everday Italian (cooking show) I get a kick out of how many folks land on my site by googling “italian boobies” whoo hoo!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 9:29
I would LOVE some sleep. What are you guys doing Saturday morning? Anywhere near Windsor?
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 9:43
Okay seriously? Big props for posting morning pics! I know some certain people who would NEVER! To them I say “psshhhht” cause I totally would too.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 10:20
I’ll give you a cookie. And by that I mean my penis.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 11:07
that is true friendship and by the way Revelstoke is the bestest stop on the route for a pee or anything really. Have fun in the naughty seat.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 11:24
You are truly a gem and queen of the roadtrip. Awesome photos!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:14
In the second one you kind of look like the scary lady who kidnaps and terrorizes little Penny in Disney’s The Rescuers.
Check it out, third picture down on the page: http://preview.tinyurl.com/ncdfnb
Y’know what though? Somehow still gorgeous!!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:25
That settles it. You can come on vacation with us.
Someone needs to watch the little jackasses so we can get it on.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:40
I hope they make it a big cookie. With extra chocolate chips.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:47
She’s adorable and you, clearly, are the auntie of the year. Where were you when I needed you?
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:49
Hell woman, you deserve a whole cake for that, not just a cookie.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 13:50
Go you! Taking one for the team!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 14:04
If I’m ever lucky enough to have kids you can most definitely be the cool auntie…lol underarm odor and “awesome” hair included
And there just may be cookies involved lol
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 14:13
Oh you are one HOT MAMA!! Looks like you both had a good morning. Early… but good.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 14:37
I’m sorry but you just look way too good for first thing in the morning. I’m not sure if we can still be friends.
OK, OK, we can still be friends, but only because your co-conspirator is so cute!
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 18:22
Hey, I know that kid.
Did she bring her Buzz Lightyear suit?
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 19:15
You are obviously a great friend.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 19:21
That is some AWESOME bedhead. I feel like I need to have a bedhead contest with you.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 20:30
Not many of us can look that good early in the morning. And you are awake and having fun.
Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 at 21:21
Yer so purdy!! Glad the roadtrip is going well.
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 2:05
Farklenuts?
MARRY ME.
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 8:52
Too cute! Hope y’all have a grand time! You need to head south one of these days…and I mean Deep South.
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 10:04
Where these before or after coffee?
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 10:26
LOL! You look so cute. How do you do that so early?
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 10:46
Way to take one for the team. You rock.
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 11:15
If it wasn’t the most dyketastic thing in the world to say, I would say you are smoking hot. Which reminds me, in my neverending quest to blog-stalk you, I mentioned you in my blog again today (I am thinking of changing the name of it to: IWouldTotallyCrossTheLineforRedneckMommy.com- do you think it’s too long?).
Wednesday, 8 July, 2009 at 11:48
And now we know what keeps Boo comin’ back for more…you’re totally hot in the morning
Thursday, 9 July, 2009 at 2:31
It’s so not fair that they have that much energy and look that good at the butt-crack-of-early!!! You look pretty good too, though. I pretty much have Medusa hair so….yea. You should get the whole batch of cookies….seems fair!
Thursday, 9 July, 2009 at 3:46
Shoot, I’D post MY morning picture next to that little peanut’s smile!
Thursday, 9 July, 2009 at 7:08
It depends what sort of cookie you want. I claim all chocolate chip cookies for myself, but I’m sure we can find some oatmeal cookies around here somewhere for you…
Thursday, 9 July, 2009 at 7:15
those pics looks really good with awesome morning u had … hehe
btw few pics scared me, lol
Thursday, 9 July, 2009 at 10:13
Great pics made me laugh!!!
Friday, 10 July, 2009 at 4:22
Poor kid doesnt stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever being NoRMal
LOL
Friday, 10 July, 2009 at 5:56
What you *really* need is to learn how to make balloon animals.. then, not only can you entertain the 3yo in the wee morning, you can also exact revenge on the sleeping ones
Friday, 10 July, 2009 at 18:10
Love your glasses. You two make a pretty cute pair!
Saturday, 11 July, 2009 at 3:51
For the love of God, woman. I haven’t slept in for about 11 years. Get your ass over here. My kids need an auntie.
Saturday, 11 July, 2009 at 3:59
Well, I can see everyone else is trying to hog your auntie services. Now instead of just seeming needy and pathetic and playing on your sympathies I will have to come up with something far better like throwing money at you or offering to bribe you with my husband’s fabulous cooking or perhaps foot rubs. Hmm. I’ll keep working on it.
Saturday, 11 July, 2009 at 21:26
YOU HAVE TO COME TO KELOWNA….or you’re cross Canada trek is all for nothing…it’s the shit. Me and my kids will hook you up for realz, email me if you’re in
Sunday, 12 July, 2009 at 7:58
The world needs more true redneck women!
Monday, 13 July, 2009 at 7:39
Luckily for you, computers are smell-less. And the uber-cute kiddo more than makes up for your bedhead.