Ever feel the winds of change howl around you and shudder while you try and wrap yourself up with a cloak of denial?
No?
It’s just me? Damn it.
I have never been one to embrace change with open arms. I’m more of a drag-me-kicking-and-screaming into a new situation type of gal. I am innately stubborn when it comes to accepting new things.
This trickles into all aspects of my life. I go to the same restaurants, order the same foods, read the same blogs, buy the same clothes (just in multiple colours) and enjoy the same routine daily.
I am a stalker’s delight, really.
Yet, here I am, knowing that the house of cards I’m building, like the castles in the sand I love to craft, is tilting to the left much like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. One tectonic shift, one strong gust of wind, and everything I love will come crashing down around me.
I hate that feeling.
When I started blogging, years ago already, I never gave much thought to who would be reading me. I never really thought anyone would find this blog in the universe of the Internet; one small little blog in a sea of others. Yet, somehow I have managed to not only build up a readership (and if I could tongue kiss you all, I totally would) but land myself a job based in large part because of the scribbles I post here weekly.
When I started blogging, that long ago evening when I sat in the dark staring at the bright computer screen as my children peacefully slumbered on, my life was a world away from the reality I face today. I was stuck in a pit of grief, unable to see the light to shine myself out. I couldn’t see past the end of my nose through the tears that poured out of my eyes to see clearly into the future, to anticipate just how this blog would impact my life and my family’s life.
I just sat there, in the dark, and clung to the hope that somehow, this thing called blogging would bring me peace; allow me to heal. I was working on instinct alone.
My instincts were right, and over time and with many words poured out to be shared with the invisible community that rallied around to support me, life got better.
(I wish I could say the same for my grammar. Sadly, time and practice has only encouraged more run on sentences, spelling errors and misplaced commas than my English professors would like to see.)
Like my children, my blog is growing up.
(I myself, will never grow up. I will be that old chick down the street who still wears mini skirts and tube tops and tries to shake her wiggling arse booty to the beats of generations past. And I’ll do it with big hair too, dammit.)
But since my kids are growing up, and my blog has expanded into twitter and facebook and now television, I’m wondering if it isn’t time to take the next step in blog world and drop the pseudonyms I’ve saddled on my kids. Perhaps it’s time to unveil them as the people they are and not the characters their blog nomickers make them into.
My children are indifferent. They still argue over which is Fric and which is Frac. The only thing they care about when it comes to this blog is that I don’t write anything that will get them hog-tied and stuffed into a locker.
My husband is not so indifferent, but has softened on the stance since I went on the evening news and admitted my children like to toss knives around.
It’s amazing really, that he lets me have access to the computer.
Does it make a difference, these pseudonyms? Does it provide my children with some invisible shield of security or am I just deluding myself into thinking that, what with all the other media I’ve done in the past?
Does it make a difference to the stories I share, whether I use their real names or their blog names?
Does anyone really care?
Am I the only one who keeps mixing up Fric and Frac?
What is your opinion? Sound off in the comment section. Should I bite the bullet and introduce more reality into my posts or do you prefer I keep things as they are?
Cuz I’m spinning in the wind here, unsure of which direction I should forge ahead with.
The floor is yours. Speak up. Because damn it, I need someone to tell me what to do.
Be my dominatrix for the day would ya?
*post edit: I have a different surname than my husband and children, so I’m not entirely sure that using their real first names will impact the Google when they grow up and apply for jobs. God willing, they apply for jobs. Because if they think they are going to sponge off the good will and fortune of their father and me, they aren’t just delusional they are way optimistic and thereby not my offspring.*
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 11:12
I have been stalking er… following you for quite some time now. You are in fact the inspiration behind my own little blog. Your talking about being “innately stubborn when it comes to accepting new things”…. Well, what about us? Huh? I’d be willing to bet that the great majority of us don’t like the frigid winds of change either! You have christened them Fric and Frac and so shall they remain, no matter what you choose to call them from here on out.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 12:16
I would keep the Fric and Frac — seems equally useful to you and them since you’ve interchanged the names. How nice for them to be able to point the finger at the other one after a not so flattering story.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 12:19
So now all you need is an Excel spreadsheet to sort out the votes!
Since you talked about blogging today, I wanted to jot a comment. You have been my number one inspiration in blogging since the day I started 15 months ago. I’m sure you know there are tons of blogs out there who want to be you one day, and I’m wearing my pastie tassles on your team every day (the deli guy at the grocery store freakin loves them, too, tho he asked why they have Canadian flags on them).
What you call your kids is up to you- I read some of your comments and I agree asking the kids is fantab idea. I call my kids by their real first names occasionally on my blog- if I had to remember 4 pseudonyms I’d be in trouble since I rarely get their real names correct.
In a blog post I have a tendency to refer to them as for example ‘my 15 year old daughter’ because it gives readers (whether first time or regular) a sense of age/gender within the context of that post. I was going to give them cussword nicknames, but I didn’t want to stack the future therapy bills any higher than they already are.
I fully expect tongue at BlogHer ‘10 if it’s the first time I finally get to meet you, not just because you have been such an amazing inspiration, but because you’re hot.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 12:47
I am totally tongue kissing you back. My boyfriend said that’s not cheating. Woohoo found that loophole …
Fric & Frac made me laugh my ass off from the 1st time I read you (introduced by my good friend in Texas) but whatever works for you, is good for us. I just wish I had something creative to call my kid before I started blogging. I called her “my kid” for the 1st few, then decided I sounded like a heartless bitch, so I picked something that’s not too far off from her real name. And now I don’t want to use it. I don’t know if I want to change it though because I don’t want to confuse the 8 followers I have. I’m so confused and totally get why you are putting so much thought into this decision.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 12:47
Your kids names are already out there first and last for anybody that really wants to find them it’s not hard. So I don’t really think it matters either way
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 12:57
I do get Fric and Frac confused. You need to do what you feel is right for you and your family.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 13:06
I guess if the kids don’t mind you using their names then you could drop Fric and Frac. Although I kind of like the pseudonyms. I use people’s real names on my blog, just not their last names.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 13:46
There are plenty of examples of blogs that give the Full Monty and others that change names to protect the “innocent”. In reality, I think the chances of any negative repercussions from revealing names are pretty low. More than any real consequences might be the issue of your kids’ friends searching for their names and coming up with some prime dirt thanks to RNM. I guess it all comes down to where your protective/sadistic parenting ratio lies. And honestly, is there any upside to using real names? I mean, really? Yeah, we the fans all have “enquiring minds”, but so the fuck what? For me, I’m fine knowing bloggers just by pen names (the word “pen” name needs a new pen name). Avatar names are always more fun and more memorable than the real thing. Plus it’s kind of a reminder that we don’t REALLY know these people. That bloggers are a type of Celebrity, where we feel like we know the person but we only know whatever pieces are shared with (or made up for) us.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 14:00
Lets see:
1. Identity theft
2. Perverts
3. Stalkers
4. Even for the ordinary bored and curious person I think with what you have posted so far you would be quite easy to find in person. Protection of yourself and family should be of outmost importance. Don’t give them anymore than you already have. You posted once with an address minus the town and prov. but google earth takes care of that.
The “internet” may “love” you right now, but believe me, and I know you know this, there is a scarey part of that “love” that you REALLY REALLY Do NOT want.
Personally I think you have already made it way too easy for someone to walk right up to your front door.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 16:10
My two cents…it doesn’t matter. Do what is best for you. I use my children’s real names and googled them just today (and then I googled your name before coming back to comment). My son is a publishing company, my daughters are a jazz musician, a cardiologist and a charitable organization for health education. And those are just the first choices of possible thousands. Before there was google and twitter there was the white pages and word of mouth. Stalkers will come or not regardless. Having an address makes most of us not difficult to find. So what it comes to is this…the only way to protect your family is to become homeless and live on the streets. Might I suggest leaving Canada if you’re going to do that. It’s much too cold here for sleeping outdoors many months of the year
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 16:37
I’m a fan of pseudonyms. They are only children, and although they may be indifferent today they may feel different down the road. I’d say do all you can to protect their privacy. I’ve enjoyed seeing their pictures but if it were me, I wouldn’t post them… but I might be a little too protective. There are so many loonies out there that I just wouldn’t take the chance. Not criticizing, just giving a point of view and I hope you’ll accept it at that.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 19:31
I’m not sure – I guess it comes down to what you and your family are comfortable with (yes, I know that isn’t very helpful). I considered using a pseudonym for my kid and husband, but in the end it was just easier to use their first names, and attempt to keep our last names off my blog. I think I am also operating under the assumption that not many people will ever read it, so where’s the harm? I don’t know if my kid will hate me when she’s older for writing about her, but my husband isn’t bothered by it. Yet.
Wednesday, 11 November, 2009 at 9:21
Nooo, let them keep a little anonymity. Besides, Fric & Frac are great sounding words.
Wednesday, 11 November, 2009 at 9:44
Oh, I’d keep them as Fric and Frac and Jumby. They are just kids, after all.
Wednesday, 11 November, 2009 at 14:54
I use real names and I like to read blogs that use real names, otherwise it’s mostly fiction to me. If a weirdo wants to find you and/or your kids, they are going to find them whether their names are Fric & Frac or Jane & John.
Lisa Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
@corrin, What she said. I use my kids real names and nobody has tracked us down. Yet.
Wednesday, 11 November, 2009 at 20:14
I don’t like change either…please don’t change Fric and Frac and Jumby and Shalebug. I have a soft place reserved in my heart for those already.
Wednesday, 11 November, 2009 at 23:44
Privacy wise, I think the question shouldn’t really be left in anybody’s hands but your own.
Ask your kids. “Do you want me to use your real names?”.
only you can decide what’s best for your family and privacy. Personally, I just don’t see any need, but if they want it, or you want it, I see no reason not to.
Thursday, 12 November, 2009 at 11:07
All my kids were born on Friday the 13th. No chit. Different years, but still, same day and date. Go figure. And my past wife, the bearer of these spawn was also born on a Friday the 13th. Me, I was a Sunday child and on the 28th, so hey, maybe they werent mine after all.
BUT, as my kids grew up I called them Friday the 13th Parts I, II and III. And even if the II is no longer here, as late 30 year olds, I still call them 13th parts 1-3.
SO,m forever, yours should always be called Fric/Frac/Jumby
and Bo, the wonder dog. Or is that spot?
Thursday, 12 November, 2009 at 11:40
I’m with Bonnie. They can “out” themselves someday if they want to.
Friday, 13 November, 2009 at 11:02
I think Fric and Frac and Jumby are just fine. I don’t mind fake names on blogs at all and I certainly understand they why of it too.
Saturday, 14 November, 2009 at 4:39
I would totally love to know everybody’s real first names. I’ve often wondered what their names really are, but then, I do have a thing about names. Plus, I’m really curious. Not in a stalkery way, though, plus I live in South Africa, so that’s a bit far afield
Thursday, 19 November, 2009 at 16:05
Just thought I’d mention (since it was invited, I’ll remind you) that I love the psudonyms but I’m having some problems sorting this whole thing out. You look very much like Shannon at Whiskey in my sippy cup and (when I think about it-at my computer) I get very confused. Are you 2 different people? Am I mad? You both write so well and (did I mention?) you look so much a like yet I am so confused…..