Ever feel the winds of change howl around you and shudder while you try and wrap yourself up with a cloak of denial?
No?
It’s just me? Damn it.
I have never been one to embrace change with open arms. I’m more of a drag-me-kicking-and-screaming into a new situation type of gal. I am innately stubborn when it comes to accepting new things.
This trickles into all aspects of my life. I go to the same restaurants, order the same foods, read the same blogs, buy the same clothes (just in multiple colours) and enjoy the same routine daily.
I am a stalker’s delight, really.
Yet, here I am, knowing that the house of cards I’m building, like the castles in the sand I love to craft, is tilting to the left much like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. One tectonic shift, one strong gust of wind, and everything I love will come crashing down around me.
I hate that feeling.
When I started blogging, years ago already, I never gave much thought to who would be reading me. I never really thought anyone would find this blog in the universe of the Internet; one small little blog in a sea of others. Yet, somehow I have managed to not only build up a readership (and if I could tongue kiss you all, I totally would) but land myself a job based in large part because of the scribbles I post here weekly.
When I started blogging, that long ago evening when I sat in the dark staring at the bright computer screen as my children peacefully slumbered on, my life was a world away from the reality I face today. I was stuck in a pit of grief, unable to see the light to shine myself out. I couldn’t see past the end of my nose through the tears that poured out of my eyes to see clearly into the future, to anticipate just how this blog would impact my life and my family’s life.
I just sat there, in the dark, and clung to the hope that somehow, this thing called blogging would bring me peace; allow me to heal. I was working on instinct alone.
My instincts were right, and over time and with many words poured out to be shared with the invisible community that rallied around to support me, life got better.
(I wish I could say the same for my grammar. Sadly, time and practice has only encouraged more run on sentences, spelling errors and misplaced commas than my English professors would like to see.)
Like my children, my blog is growing up.
(I myself, will never grow up. I will be that old chick down the street who still wears mini skirts and tube tops and tries to shake her wiggling arse booty to the beats of generations past. And I’ll do it with big hair too, dammit.)
But since my kids are growing up, and my blog has expanded into twitter and facebook and now television, I’m wondering if it isn’t time to take the next step in blog world and drop the pseudonyms I’ve saddled on my kids. Perhaps it’s time to unveil them as the people they are and not the characters their blog nomickers make them into.
My children are indifferent. They still argue over which is Fric and which is Frac. The only thing they care about when it comes to this blog is that I don’t write anything that will get them hog-tied and stuffed into a locker.
My husband is not so indifferent, but has softened on the stance since I went on the evening news and admitted my children like to toss knives around.
It’s amazing really, that he lets me have access to the computer.
Does it make a difference, these pseudonyms? Does it provide my children with some invisible shield of security or am I just deluding myself into thinking that, what with all the other media I’ve done in the past?
Does it make a difference to the stories I share, whether I use their real names or their blog names?
Does anyone really care?
Am I the only one who keeps mixing up Fric and Frac?
What is your opinion? Sound off in the comment section. Should I bite the bullet and introduce more reality into my posts or do you prefer I keep things as they are?
Cuz I’m spinning in the wind here, unsure of which direction I should forge ahead with.
The floor is yours. Speak up. Because damn it, I need someone to tell me what to do.
Be my dominatrix for the day would ya?
*post edit: I have a different surname than my husband and children, so I’m not entirely sure that using their real first names will impact the Google when they grow up and apply for jobs. God willing, they apply for jobs. Because if they think they are going to sponge off the good will and fortune of their father and me, they aren’t just delusional they are way optimistic and thereby not my offspring.*
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 15:59
can’t wrap my little redneck brain around all the pros and cons.
i like the names Fric and Frac
do i still get a tongue kiss?
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 16:06
You mean Fric and Frac aren’t their real names??
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 16:13
Well, not that I’ll be much help, but…I use pseudonyms for everyone except my ex-husband.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 16:17
If it ain’t broken don’t fix it! I love Fric & Frac.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 16:23
What do THEY think? Since your surname is different I don’t think it would hurt necessarily, but as teens they might object for personal reasons. I’d leave it up to them.
(And yes I totally get them mixed up.)
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 16:36
When I started my blog I used everyone’s real names…now I’m doing everything half-assed backwards and using pseudonyms…they sound so much cooler than our real names. By the way…I look forward to your blog, and will continue to read it…but I’ll pass on the tongue kiss!
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:00
Reality sucks. Fric, rrac: can never keep them straight.
I do tongue kisses.
As thye say: whatever floats your boat.
Just keep keeping on.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:21
On a serious note, you can’t err on the side of anonymity… especially anonymity of a minor…. although if you’re becoming a public persona, that anonymity is a bit more delusional and fleeting than that tongue kiss you so willingly promised us (and I fear I will never see, darn it); and there’s a love already out for the notorious Fric and Frac… changing it will not only uproot the core philosophy of blogworld, it will probably will cause the destruction of the universe.
On the lighter side, it would be interesting to know what their real names are. However, you would be opening yourself up to criticism because “I would never name MY child THAT!!!”
There’s a chance that I’ve written this after too many shots, not enough sleep, sick with the flu, or all of the above.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:25
I’ve been thinking about the same thing lately. I think I might drop the nicknames but my blog is pretty tame compared to yours. Like, coma tame compared to this one.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:35
I’m kind of diggin’ the Fric & Frac thing. I use pseudonyms as well but only cos I can’t remember their names half the time.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:38
As a fan of your site for a while, I like the “Fric and Frac” names. Although you stated you have a different surname than your children, I vaguely remember seeing “another” surname splashed across the screen on a tv segment in your archives. I think it was an interview regarding the special needs of Shale Bug. I certainly don’t remember that name now. But I would recommend, if that is the kid’s last name, that you ensure that particular post is removed before you use their real first names. I do not believe that sharing thier real names is necessary. I like to think that when they get older, Fric and Frac will be proud to associate themselves with the Redneck Mommy…the greatest blogger in the universe!! It’s a tough decision you face and my best advice is…check your archives.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:53
I read regularly, and honestly, I feel that it should be a choice they can make at a certain age. They are hitting the teen years, and maybe 13 or 14, or maybe 15 or 16 would be the right age. It depends on whether you feel they can make the right decision for themselves, and then choose the best age. Do they both have nicknames? My name is Kathryn for example, but I go by Katie or Kate….maybe use those if they are an option? Or let them choose their own names?
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 17:54
I’m leaning towards leaving things the way they are. But then, I’m a public school teacher and hyper-vigilant about privacy. Besides, I would really miss “Jumby”! Classic!
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 18:09
I do not think real names would be as entertaining as Fric & Frac. I guess I am a bit like you in that I hate changes to things I am comfortable and familiar with.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 18:15
I can never remember which one one is Fric and which one is Frac. Ever. I just know that they’re your kids. I’ve often thought that I actually kind of would like to be able to think of them by their names. Your surname is different, so just a first name isn’t going to turn up anything plausible on a google search, their privacy will be intact. I’d say go for it, let change in.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 18:16
I don’t have kids and my blog (when it’s up and running) gets about 5 hits a month. Seriously I don’t have an issue with using real names, and I never even considered using fake ones. If the kids don’t care, and hubby doesn’t care… I think it makes the reader feel more like they know the “family”.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 18:48
I think it’s best for you to do what makes you and your kids most comfortable. I also love the pseudonyms Fric and Frac. That said, I’m a shameless name nerd and would love to know what names you guys chose, especially if it makes it easier for you to know who you’re talking about.
However, changing, not changing, will not change the fact I love lurking on your blog and occasionally popping out to say hi and voice my opinion.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 19:08
I assume Fric is daughter, since she is older and the saying goes Fric and Frac…like your kids…girl then boy!
I think I’d stick with the pseudonyms for now, until they’re a couple years older and have more of an opinion
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 19:12
You know, I would seriously talk to them and see how they feel about being named. I get Frick and Frack mixed up too! Maybe still not use their real names but something similar to the real name. I don’t know. I only have like 11 readers… LOL. I would like my tongue kiss now. I live in Michigan.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 19:18
When I started this a few years ago, I took the advice of another notable Blogger, Lorraine Sommerfeld (http://www.lorraineonline.ca/) who also gave her boys pseudonyms…the net is full of wierdos, protect your kids.
So my family all have Nom-de-ploms: my Spouse is My Darling Bride, our Daughters are Thing 1 and Thing 2, titles carried over from younger days, and our Foster Son was dubbed Boy Thing.
This work wonderfully. Our friends know who we are talking about, and play along.
And our kids remain anonymous.
And safer.
DJW
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 19:29
I thought Fric and Frac were there real names. I am going to name my first kids Fric and Frac. Or FricFrac. No, that sounds like candy.
Since you asked for advice, keep it as it is. Your swarms, er multitudes, of readers, love it, and the flow works. Plus gives the kids plausible denial if they ever want it!
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 19:46
Always err on the side of caution. Think how much technology has changed in the last 10 years. Who knows in the next ten what will be possible. And there is a reason why minors aren’t allowed to enter into contracts, drink, get married. They don’t always consider all the possible consequences.
Employers are now checking facebook and myspace to make decisions on hiring. You want your children to get a job some day, don’t ya?
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:01
tanis,
I would not give their real names as all the weirdo’s out there. You may have a differant surname, but I would not give anyone their real name. Yes I have wondered what they were but hey I can live without knowing. They will always be F & f to me. Protect there names.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:12
Stick to Fric and Frac. Better safe than sorry. People may figure it out, but you’ve kept it light. The fact that they argue about which is who, and you can’t remember is hilarious.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:34
I make up names because I can’t remember what the real ones are.
I’m sure you could just call all past and future babies by their last names to keep ‘em separate anyway, right?
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:39
I have no idea who is who…but what the hell? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:43
i say eave it be, i would be so confused if you started to use real names. i would wonder if you dropped the lot of them and got a new family set through mail order. i like fric, frac, bug, jumby and boo.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:51
Don’t do it. Change that is. Change does not always signify good, or positive, or moving forward.
We sometimes yearn to change things up, because we are bored. I don’t think any of *us* are, I know I”m not. I look at nicknames for people that are in your posse, as cool, something I wish I could do when I write!
Protect. First, foremost, and always. Once you do it, you can’t go back, after all.
Love ya, I’d try tongue, I’m a virgin that way, after all, and willing to try “change” *that* way.
wink wink!
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 20:51
mmmm … tongue kisses.
don’t fix it … just tell *me* what their real names are. no good reason but just because i’m insatiably curious.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 21:27
I like pseudonyms.
Hey, look at that, I had both an opinion AND a short answer. The world’s coming to an end.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 22:03
I agree with the above – if it ain’t broken don’t fix it. And we have grown to love them as Fric and Frac (regardless of which one is which).
Now shimmy on over here and make good on those kissy promises
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 22:50
Please don’t make me remember more names. It’s hard enough driving around in a nondescript van with no windows saying, “Hey Frick, want some candy? Your mom said it’s okay….”
I would stay away from it at this point just because their friends are learning to use google, and will no doubt be checking up on each other. Oh the horror. “So I read about your new puppies….all over your mom’s bed! -Gross!”
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 22:58
What would Brian Boitano do?
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 23:26
Melissa gave you the solution in her comment – “Maude and Clover”. The fact I snarfed popcorn out of my nose when I read that has no bearing on the situation.
My blog is *ahem* a semi-perv blog with nasty bits and so I use pseudonyms. Your blog has dirty bits and I think you should stick with pseudonyms.
Maude and Clover; I’m tellin’ ya.
Monday, 9 November, 2009 at 23:41
This is something I was considering myself.I originally wrote my blog for family members who won’t use Facebook, but they never read it.Would take doing though, to go back and edit posts.My blog title has our surname in it.Hmmmm, I think I might discuss this on my blog too.A very good post.I don’t think you’ve lost your blogging mojo.
Aly
My Hodge Podge Life
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 0:42
Nah, keep the nicknames. From an IT geek point of view, it’s a privacy issue (and kids don’t know any better to be concerned about it — like the geniuses that send naked pictures of each other via cell phones…).
And from a Joe Average point of view… it’s just damn funny when we can call our kids names like this and actually get their approval to do it.
And “dominatrix”? I’m a dude. I suppose I could dress in drag for a quick spanking…
–Eddie
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 3:09
I would also suggest keeping the pseudonyms in the majority of entries, as it’s not just a good privacy filter, but also part of your style.
There is nothing wrong with including a “the cast” page, where you can introduce them more, and even include their real names if you want. And then we’ll all be able to remind ourselves which is Fric and which is Frac.
Plus that leaves you with only one page to remove if you suddenly decide that you’ve changed your mind about it.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 5:34
I enjoy your blog every week in the Far East.
I don’t think taking off pseudonyms will impact the quality of your blog and stories you are offering.
In other words, I like the way you are doing right now. And pseudonyms will keep your family’s privacy to an extent if not perfectly.
Your family may change their mind in the future and you cannot foresee everything in the future. Once real names are unbundled your control over the family privacy is beyond you.
Just keep the pseudonyms so that you can write anything!
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 5:48
I love Fric and Frac- – - -it makes this all fun, and more personal- – - we can sometimes fill in our own children’s names into the mix, as you are not alone in all of this- – - -
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 5:56
It’s a fing nobrainer. They’re kids, stay with the fake names.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 6:34
Keep it anonymous. You never know what crazies are lurking out there! As for the content….what ever floats your boat! I really enjoy the comedy of what you write…but when you write something deep and profound…it just reminds us all that you are human, too! I can’t imagine that you would be able to do a complete 180 and get all serious all the time. You have some seriously funny shit that happens to you (the cat in labor on you bed…the package from your friend in the states…your hormones!!)
Keep it real…that is all you have to do for people to continue to read what you write.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 6:51
I would go with pseudonyms. My daughter has been “The Kid” from day one and until she gets her black belt(not quite halfway there yet), she shall remain safely anonymous.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 7:44
There’s too many weirdos out there in the world (ie the 24-yr-old sending naked pictures of himself to what he thought was a 13-yr-old girl and it was a cop). Stick with Fric and Frac….err on the side of caution. and f-the good grammer,spelling, comma,placement,,,,,
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 8:26
I like all the same things too. Makes me feel like I have a handle on things in my life, though we all know control is just an illusion. Still, you’re one of my things in my sameness-routine. I like that about me. And you. ‘Coz we rock like that. Cool.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 8:27
Oh, and keep on as you’ve been doing, girl. it’s ALL good – everything. xox
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 8:49
I use my kids’ real names because I’d never be able to remember nicknames.
On the other hand, I have like 10 readers, soo… Not the same situation. I’ve thought about adding in nicknames and even had a discussion on my blog and I decided to keep it as it is.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 9:38
I want to be like you when I grow up.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 9:40
We love Fric and Frac and lets not forget Boo and Jumby. Who says change is always good.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 10:52
I like the pseudonyms. I used my girl’s real names in the first few posts on my blog, but I couldn’t never get rid of that niggling feeling that it probably wasn’t a wise choice. So I changed it up quickly for their first initials only. Still not a great choice, but hey, I suck at naming things and pretty much used up my naming abilities coming up with their real names in the first place.
I say stick with the nicknames–they’re funny and still protect the kids.
Tuesday, 10 November, 2009 at 11:00
I say it doesn’t matter much, miller’s a common last name so people knowing their first names wouldn’t automatically enable them to find out anything about your kids unless they’re good at that stuff and then they could find out anyways. I would say use their names once so your reader’s are in the know, and then if anyone wants to know in the future will have to read through pages and pages of your blog. =p